Well its almost 7am, much later than the past few days that I have been writing. I woke up at 1:30am and stayed up until 3am. Then woke again at 5:30ish. Look at me sleeping in eh!! Well I've almost reached the half way point with the first round of treatments. The first two weeks were a breeze but it is now starting to take its toll. Most noticeably, my hair is falling out in clumps now, in the 3 regions that I am getting radiation done. If you've seen me at all in the past few years, you'll know that I was trying to hold onto every strand of hair as it was!! lol On that note, I'm thinking I'd better get it trimmed down close to the wood before the weekend. I have Faith here this weekend and I don't want her to see the "beat up golf course" I'm sporting on my head. Its going to be my mission to keep her as far removed from my pain for as long as possible. I only want her to be happy around me and the only worries she should have is should she trade her peanut butter and jam sandwich at school today!
I'm still reeling at the thoughtfulness of my Cami friends. You guys are turning me into a big softie!! ;) That may not be a bad thing either after 40 years of playing the tough guy. Don't get me wrong, if I'm ever able to return to work, I'll still be the same ole crusty SOB that I always was, pushing the envelope, striving for excellence, demanding that we earn our pay! ;) I miss being there every day. I miss the people, the challenges, the go-go-go atmosphere of it all. I know, call me crazy!!
I also want to publicly apologize to those whom I have not had the opportunity to return phone calls, e-mails etc. This being sick business is very busy and I do not seem to get a free moment some days. Yesterday was an oddity, I was able to nap TWICE during the day! As nice as that sounds, it also is telling me that my body is now requiring more rest to fight this C monster. So please do not be offended....I'm working on it!
Ok, so now I'm needing some help........does anyone from the Tillsonburg are know of a good lawyer. I cannot put this off any longer. My daughter's future depends on my choices now. I need to get this whole final will and testament done and out of the way.
I feel my appetite slowly dwindling now too. Yesterday, my wonderful neighbour offered me a dinner to be brought over and I denied it. And before you comment, yes I know I have to eat, its just getting harder is all.
On a more positive note, I've noticed my Dad seems to be doing better. I was worried about him. I am so his son...we are like twins sometimes. Stubborn, bull-headed, with the "don't worry about me" attitude. Stay strong father, I need you!
I hated asking my doctor yesterday, but I want to apply for a temporary handicap sticker. My leg is not getting any better and parking in the back forty is killin' me. Especially because most days I refuse to believe that anything is wrong with my leg and I try to walk my usual pace. (Yea, short legs but watch them motor!) I was told the first 3 weeks after surgery would be tell-tale for my leg improving or not. Guess I know my answer.
In closing, I want Heather, George, Beth and Lori to know that you are in my thoughts daily, and that you continue to fight and never stop. Its when you stop fighting that it will get the better of you. We are all better than that!! ;)
With love and appreciation....
Ed
Oh and 5 things that make me smile today....
1. opening my eyes and seeing 4am....thats another one for the books!
2. having the ability to communicate with friends and family
3. knowing that I can use the word "love" a little more openly now
4. knowing that the days will be a lil brighter with Daylight Savings Time this Sunday morning
5. believing that I have the best friends on this earth.
1 comment:
Eduardo, your battle is causing me to reflect on my life and what's important. Today I walked my dog for the first time in 4 years. For anyone who doesn't know me and is about to call the Humane Society - please don't - I have a farm and she has the best life a dog can hope for. Except I never walk just for the sake of walking or just because I can. I am walking to feed horses. To get wood for the stove. To fill stock tanks. To clean the driveway. To cut down a tree. To check the sump output. Always with a purpose and never just because. Tonight I watched her sniff out rabbits, I looked at the water pooling under the snow, listened to the creaking of the trees in the breeze, studied the tracks of the deer that went before me. I am losing a job I HATE, and I am actually mad about that, and after 4 days I haven't gotten over it. So tonight I put myself in your boots Ed, you know those black safety boots that you wear with your pantleg caught up over top of them like they are jack boots? Those ones. And I thought, if I were you, what would matter to me? What would make me cry at my computer at 4:00 in the morning? I wasn't blessed with a child as you were with Faith, but I can only imagine the heartbreak you must feel, as I can only look at my horses and my dog, and think of my family and friends, and they bring tears to my eyes thinking about what I would miss. You are an inspiration, Ed, and you can beat this. You HAVE to. You have too much left to live for. Remember when we went ATV'ing and I was embarrassed because I had to pee on the trail and I thought you would think I was unladylike? And you were the one that was carrying toilet paper on your bike for just such emergencies? HA! It's the snippets of real life and real people that matter, and the friends that span the years and distance. We will ride again, buddy, and I will pee on the trail again, and maybe, just maybe, I will ride my bike up that big hill on my own instead of you having to do it! Stay strong, stay focused, and keep the faith. Both of them. See you soon...I am just going to drop in on your butt since you don't answer emails. Love Theresa XOXO
Post a Comment