Had another MRI about 2 weeks ago and it seems I've dodged the bullet again! The results came back favourable. No new growth observed, just a lot of scarring. My Oncologist wants to set me up to try receiving botox injections in my left leg to see if it will reduce the stiffness. If not, at least I'll be wrinkle-free (on my leg anyways!) If the treatment does not work, it is only temporary anyways and will eventually return to its buggered state.
Other than that, I guess everything is status quo for now, which is a good thing. This coming January, I will have beaten my prognosis date of 1.5 to 2 years. I guess its time to plan a trip to celebrate!!
Happy Holidays to all and enjoy each other.
Ed
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Saturday, November 7, 2009
November 7/2009
Hi!! Remember me?
Guess its been a while since my last update (Sept 1st) so I am forcing myself to sit down and write a bit before I get out of practice!
Sooooo, I am scheduled for another MRI later this month with a follow-up appt on November 27th. Again I'll be hoping for another 3 month "ticket to life". Its difficult living this way some days...not knowing what lurks around the corner. The same I suppose, could be said for all of us but when you have a "known" terminal condition, it just keeps you on your toes I guess.
Ok, on to some more upbeat news....I FINALLY got my driver's licence back. 14+ months of not being allowed to drive (legally) was pretty stressful. Thank you to my family and friends who were there for me to assist. I cannot however, give thanks to our gov't for being compassionate of my situation. I'm truly disappointed that it took over two and a half months PAST the required time for me to be "seizure-free" for the gov't to review and approve my application. Between the M.T.O. and the F.R.O., I'm not sure which ministry needs more of an overhaul!! Oh, and the other condition of me retaining my licence is that I get "road-tested". How ironic that our gov't decided to farm out the DRIVETEST centres, only for them to go on strike now! They have been on strike since August 21st with no agreement on the horizon. At least they have given me until February of next year to accomplish this. I feel for the young kids who are anxiously waiting to get their G2 licence. I guess the $110 million dollars that we taxpayers are doling out over a 10 year term is not good enough for the now privatized DRIVETEST (owned by Serco DES Inc) The Provincial gov't has also politely informed me in writing that they "will NOT intervene although there is a mediator available to help the parties reach an agreement at the bargaining table." UGHH!!! Ok, 'nuf said about that!
Had a wonderful, relaxing trip to the island of St.Maarten in October. I'm ready to go back already though! Met some nice Canadian folks down there and the food, accomodations and service was terrific!
Faith is back playing indoor soccer again this year. Thank goodness I have my licence back to attend every Sunday....and I am coaching also. I would have loved to have coached outdoor as well but my leg would not be able to handle it.
On a final note (and I still am at odds with the whole concept of it) I am officially retired from Cami Automotive Inc as of this past November 1st. Cami was a huge part of my life, I loved my job and the people I worked with (although I'm sure some would say I have a funny way of showing it!) I miss that place. I miss being able to help "make a difference".
Until the next post....
Ed
Guess its been a while since my last update (Sept 1st) so I am forcing myself to sit down and write a bit before I get out of practice!
Sooooo, I am scheduled for another MRI later this month with a follow-up appt on November 27th. Again I'll be hoping for another 3 month "ticket to life". Its difficult living this way some days...not knowing what lurks around the corner. The same I suppose, could be said for all of us but when you have a "known" terminal condition, it just keeps you on your toes I guess.
Ok, on to some more upbeat news....I FINALLY got my driver's licence back. 14+ months of not being allowed to drive (legally) was pretty stressful. Thank you to my family and friends who were there for me to assist. I cannot however, give thanks to our gov't for being compassionate of my situation. I'm truly disappointed that it took over two and a half months PAST the required time for me to be "seizure-free" for the gov't to review and approve my application. Between the M.T.O. and the F.R.O., I'm not sure which ministry needs more of an overhaul!! Oh, and the other condition of me retaining my licence is that I get "road-tested". How ironic that our gov't decided to farm out the DRIVETEST centres, only for them to go on strike now! They have been on strike since August 21st with no agreement on the horizon. At least they have given me until February of next year to accomplish this. I feel for the young kids who are anxiously waiting to get their G2 licence. I guess the $110 million dollars that we taxpayers are doling out over a 10 year term is not good enough for the now privatized DRIVETEST (owned by Serco DES Inc) The Provincial gov't has also politely informed me in writing that they "will NOT intervene although there is a mediator available to help the parties reach an agreement at the bargaining table." UGHH!!! Ok, 'nuf said about that!
Had a wonderful, relaxing trip to the island of St.Maarten in October. I'm ready to go back already though! Met some nice Canadian folks down there and the food, accomodations and service was terrific!
Faith is back playing indoor soccer again this year. Thank goodness I have my licence back to attend every Sunday....and I am coaching also. I would have loved to have coached outdoor as well but my leg would not be able to handle it.
On a final note (and I still am at odds with the whole concept of it) I am officially retired from Cami Automotive Inc as of this past November 1st. Cami was a huge part of my life, I loved my job and the people I worked with (although I'm sure some would say I have a funny way of showing it!) I miss that place. I miss being able to help "make a difference".
Until the next post....
Ed
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Sept 1/2009
Wow, September 1st already. Hard to believe that summer has came and gone pretty much already. I think I missed the 2 weeks of summer we DID have...probably moving or some other mundane task.
The Day Surgery I was scheduled for today has been pushed out until this Thursday Sept 3/09. I'm sure they just didn't have a sharp enough knife available yet to get through my thick head! ( I can just visualize all the head-nodding going on after that comment!!)
Its been a bit of a tough go recently for me, both physically and emotionally. With the constant 24/7 head-aches and the still unexplained numbness in my face and hand, I guess I've begun to lose faith in my doctors. Perhaps there is no explanation for it all...who knows. I guess it just gets frustrating after a while. I have even gone so far as to adjust my own meds to try to alleviate some of the head-aches etc. Might not be the best decision to have made but I needed relief in some form.
Emotionally I guess this cancer stuff just wears on you. I've been trying to "live" since January 2008 with a prognosis of 1.5 to 2 years and then here I am, about 1 year and 8 months into it and find myself living for every 3 months (MRI every 3 months) and just awaiting the day to come when they tell me....."its back". Yeah, I know....not the most positive thought in the world but a true thought of mine....and this is my place to voice it I guess. I find myself just wanting to retreat more and more often "into the cave" just to get away from it all. The highlight of my life is still my daughter Faith, but when she is here, I find it harder and harder to cope with the everyday antics of an 8 year old. Unfortunately, she gets the crappy end of the stick really. Not having a Dad who can do all the fun things that a Dad should be doing with his daughter.
Hopefully things will take a turn for the better once I get my license back. That is, if the M.O.T. Medical Review Board feels that I am now medically fit enough to drive!! I've put in the time they want being seizure-free (1 year) but now its all the governmental red tape and the waiting game. I have truly learned how much driving IS a privilege and not a right over the past while.
Anyways, thats enough of my gripes and whines for now....gotta save some for another blog!
Bare with me if I'm a little "distant" for a while. I think I need to re-group and re-charge the batteries somehow. I am considering a trip soon if all the medical issues would slow down and co-operate just for a bit! I would love to just get away, even if its by myself...just to re-align my thoughts and outlook.
Take care and I'll see you when the cobwebs have cleared!
Ed
The Day Surgery I was scheduled for today has been pushed out until this Thursday Sept 3/09. I'm sure they just didn't have a sharp enough knife available yet to get through my thick head! ( I can just visualize all the head-nodding going on after that comment!!)
Its been a bit of a tough go recently for me, both physically and emotionally. With the constant 24/7 head-aches and the still unexplained numbness in my face and hand, I guess I've begun to lose faith in my doctors. Perhaps there is no explanation for it all...who knows. I guess it just gets frustrating after a while. I have even gone so far as to adjust my own meds to try to alleviate some of the head-aches etc. Might not be the best decision to have made but I needed relief in some form.
Emotionally I guess this cancer stuff just wears on you. I've been trying to "live" since January 2008 with a prognosis of 1.5 to 2 years and then here I am, about 1 year and 8 months into it and find myself living for every 3 months (MRI every 3 months) and just awaiting the day to come when they tell me....."its back". Yeah, I know....not the most positive thought in the world but a true thought of mine....and this is my place to voice it I guess. I find myself just wanting to retreat more and more often "into the cave" just to get away from it all. The highlight of my life is still my daughter Faith, but when she is here, I find it harder and harder to cope with the everyday antics of an 8 year old. Unfortunately, she gets the crappy end of the stick really. Not having a Dad who can do all the fun things that a Dad should be doing with his daughter.
Hopefully things will take a turn for the better once I get my license back. That is, if the M.O.T. Medical Review Board feels that I am now medically fit enough to drive!! I've put in the time they want being seizure-free (1 year) but now its all the governmental red tape and the waiting game. I have truly learned how much driving IS a privilege and not a right over the past while.
Anyways, thats enough of my gripes and whines for now....gotta save some for another blog!
Bare with me if I'm a little "distant" for a while. I think I need to re-group and re-charge the batteries somehow. I am considering a trip soon if all the medical issues would slow down and co-operate just for a bit! I would love to just get away, even if its by myself...just to re-align my thoughts and outlook.
Take care and I'll see you when the cobwebs have cleared!
Ed
Friday, August 21, 2009
Update August 21/2009
Well that was a busy day!
No major findings on today's MRI with the exception of a build-up of scar tissue. My doctor had not seen the "full report" when I seen him but had quickly viewed the scan.
I will be going in for Day Surgery on Sept 1/09 to have them attempt to close the hole on the top of my head (that has been there since Aug 2008). The Plastic Surgeon is concerned there may be bone and/or skin infection. From what he says, they will cut it approx 3 inches,peel it back and investigate their findings and hopefully only have to remove some "junk". Still no guarantee the hole will heal and close properly with this method due to the radiated skin involved but this is option #2 (option #1 being just to monitor and hope it takes care of itself) If this does not work then it may have to be grafted.
I suppose I should be a bit happier about my results today but I'm just feeling physically and mentally exhausted.
Take care
Ed
No major findings on today's MRI with the exception of a build-up of scar tissue. My doctor had not seen the "full report" when I seen him but had quickly viewed the scan.
I will be going in for Day Surgery on Sept 1/09 to have them attempt to close the hole on the top of my head (that has been there since Aug 2008). The Plastic Surgeon is concerned there may be bone and/or skin infection. From what he says, they will cut it approx 3 inches,peel it back and investigate their findings and hopefully only have to remove some "junk". Still no guarantee the hole will heal and close properly with this method due to the radiated skin involved but this is option #2 (option #1 being just to monitor and hope it takes care of itself) If this does not work then it may have to be grafted.
I suppose I should be a bit happier about my results today but I'm just feeling physically and mentally exhausted.
Take care
Ed
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Update August 8/2009
Hi all:
Its been quite a busy past few months with moving TWICE and taking care of all that comes with that. I think I've finally settled into a place that suits my needs physically. That basement apartment I was in might as well had an entrance sign saying "Welcome to the Dungeon". I guess for someone of sound body and mind it may have been ok but it certainly wasn't good for me.
Physically, my body is struggling. I'm sure all the moving etc has not helped the situation but it had to be done. My left leg seems to be getting weaker and weaker. I'm waiting for the day that I seriously sprain or break my ankle. I do have a brace for it but even after 3 fittings, I still cannot wear it for more than a couple of hours. Once I'm settled here, I'll try to re-work it so that I can at least wear it for more than 2 hours.
I'm not too impressed with the London Regional Cancer Clinic as of late. It seems my scheduled MRI's are getting pushed out to around every 4 months instead of every 3 months. Oh well, typical cost-saver I guess ;) A harder pill to swallow is the issue of my license. My Oncologist wrote to the Ministry of Transportation a few months back stating that I have been seizure-free and he felt that I was ok to drive. They wrote back stating that they wanted me to have a min. of 1 year seizure-free status before re-instating my license. I understand the laws etc so I was ok with that. Now my Oncologist is making me wait until my next appt (August 21st) to "discuss" it then. Well by the time all the medical and gov't red tape is waded through, summer will be over and Faith will be back is school. I guess I'll have to wait until Thanksgiving or something like that to take her on a trip.I'm sure there will be a welcoming party for me at the LRCC on the 21st since I was so pleasant with them over the phone this week! lol NOT!
I'd like to thank everyone who lent a hand with my move to the new house. I could not have done it without you and I truly appreciate all your help. ( I also appreciate the offers of help from people that I didn't end up calling on) Its nice to know that you are all there to help in my time of need :)
So.....upcoming MRI on August 21st at 5:30am...Cancer doctor appt same day at 9am.....then a Plastic Surgeon appt at 11am same day to deal with the hole in my head that hasn't healed in a year!
Over the next month or so, I hope to re-connect with you all and attempt to have some type of social contact!!
Thanks for your patience,
Ed
Its been quite a busy past few months with moving TWICE and taking care of all that comes with that. I think I've finally settled into a place that suits my needs physically. That basement apartment I was in might as well had an entrance sign saying "Welcome to the Dungeon". I guess for someone of sound body and mind it may have been ok but it certainly wasn't good for me.
Physically, my body is struggling. I'm sure all the moving etc has not helped the situation but it had to be done. My left leg seems to be getting weaker and weaker. I'm waiting for the day that I seriously sprain or break my ankle. I do have a brace for it but even after 3 fittings, I still cannot wear it for more than a couple of hours. Once I'm settled here, I'll try to re-work it so that I can at least wear it for more than 2 hours.
I'm not too impressed with the London Regional Cancer Clinic as of late. It seems my scheduled MRI's are getting pushed out to around every 4 months instead of every 3 months. Oh well, typical cost-saver I guess ;) A harder pill to swallow is the issue of my license. My Oncologist wrote to the Ministry of Transportation a few months back stating that I have been seizure-free and he felt that I was ok to drive. They wrote back stating that they wanted me to have a min. of 1 year seizure-free status before re-instating my license. I understand the laws etc so I was ok with that. Now my Oncologist is making me wait until my next appt (August 21st) to "discuss" it then. Well by the time all the medical and gov't red tape is waded through, summer will be over and Faith will be back is school. I guess I'll have to wait until Thanksgiving or something like that to take her on a trip.I'm sure there will be a welcoming party for me at the LRCC on the 21st since I was so pleasant with them over the phone this week! lol NOT!
I'd like to thank everyone who lent a hand with my move to the new house. I could not have done it without you and I truly appreciate all your help. ( I also appreciate the offers of help from people that I didn't end up calling on) Its nice to know that you are all there to help in my time of need :)
So.....upcoming MRI on August 21st at 5:30am...Cancer doctor appt same day at 9am.....then a Plastic Surgeon appt at 11am same day to deal with the hole in my head that hasn't healed in a year!
Over the next month or so, I hope to re-connect with you all and attempt to have some type of social contact!!
Thanks for your patience,
Ed
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Words to live by....
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone...
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your
friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first pay cheque.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their
journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry;
God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second
one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take
no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie.
Don't save it for a special occasion, Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words......In five years, will this matter?
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you
did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's,
we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone...
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your
friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first pay cheque.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their
journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry;
God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second
one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take
no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie.
Don't save it for a special occasion, Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words......In five years, will this matter?
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you
did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's,
we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
A sad day
.jpg)
For anyone who has followed my blog on a regular basis, you will have heard me mention the 3 ladies from Cami who have been living with cancer along with myself. Its with a very heavy and saddened heart that I have to tell you we lost Beth Travis today. Beth fought the fight for almost 3 years I believe and was still able to smile right to the end.
I am so glad that I was able to visit with her at the Ingersoll Hospital this past Friday. I will always cherish that moment that her and I shared in her hospital room. She told me she was ready....couldn't take the pain anymore and wanted to be at peace.
I, along with the girls, will miss our lunch dates and Beth's smile and bubbly personality.
May you rest in eternal peace my dear friend.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
June 9/2009
Hello:
I apologize for the lack of blogs over the past month. I find that my life has been in a state of turmoil the past couple of months. I am desperately trying to fix that.
I was just informed that another friend of mine from high school has been diagnosed with the dreaded C-word. I wish this stuff would just go away. Lately I've been growing weary of the fight but I am sure I will snap out of it soon. I feel beaten right now....by an invisible enemy. An enemy who does not care whether it strikes a man, woman or child. I hate cancer with a passion.
I'm looking to move again. I am not looking forward to that either but as I sit here in what I refer to as the dungeon,(my basement apt) I know its in my best interest (health and sanity) to get out of here. Tomorrow (or later today I guess) I'm looking at a house to rent which I think I'd be much happier in. Its more expensive obviously but I think that I cannot allow my happiness for whatever time I have left, to be put on the back-burner.
On the brighter side of things.....I put a call into my local MPP's office to see if they could assist me in fast-tracking the return of my driver's license. My Oncologist wrote to the MTO on May 5th/09 stating he feels (in his professional opinion) I am competent to drive again. He also informed me of the gov't delays that I should expect. (a min. of 1-2 months for them to review it) So I'll just hurry up and wait I guess.
I'm back to not sleeping worth a hill of beans lately again. Not sure of the root cause and I can't be bothered telling the folks at the Cancer Clinic anymore because they just seem to dismiss it anymore. Don't get me wrong, I feel they do some fantastic work there and the staff are amazing...I just feel that a lot of times I'm looked upon as a formality to them when they see me, given my prognosis.
My Family Doctor put me on some "happy pills" a while ago that I think are starting to kick in. Between those and some sleeping pills....all the world will be right again! lol
Not really sure what else to add except that my next MRI will be in July.
My thoughts and prayers are always still with my 3 Cami girls and now also with Steve P.
Later
Ed
Anyways, back to the MPP....they have contacted the MTO and were given the response that my "case is too difficult for everyday staffers" so they are going to involve a Specialist of some sort to deal with it. Whatever!!! My MPP's office said they are supposed to get some more information by June 17/09 and will contact me then.
I apologize for the lack of blogs over the past month. I find that my life has been in a state of turmoil the past couple of months. I am desperately trying to fix that.
I was just informed that another friend of mine from high school has been diagnosed with the dreaded C-word. I wish this stuff would just go away. Lately I've been growing weary of the fight but I am sure I will snap out of it soon. I feel beaten right now....by an invisible enemy. An enemy who does not care whether it strikes a man, woman or child. I hate cancer with a passion.
I'm looking to move again. I am not looking forward to that either but as I sit here in what I refer to as the dungeon,(my basement apt) I know its in my best interest (health and sanity) to get out of here. Tomorrow (or later today I guess) I'm looking at a house to rent which I think I'd be much happier in. Its more expensive obviously but I think that I cannot allow my happiness for whatever time I have left, to be put on the back-burner.
On the brighter side of things.....I put a call into my local MPP's office to see if they could assist me in fast-tracking the return of my driver's license. My Oncologist wrote to the MTO on May 5th/09 stating he feels (in his professional opinion) I am competent to drive again. He also informed me of the gov't delays that I should expect. (a min. of 1-2 months for them to review it) So I'll just hurry up and wait I guess.
I'm back to not sleeping worth a hill of beans lately again. Not sure of the root cause and I can't be bothered telling the folks at the Cancer Clinic anymore because they just seem to dismiss it anymore. Don't get me wrong, I feel they do some fantastic work there and the staff are amazing...I just feel that a lot of times I'm looked upon as a formality to them when they see me, given my prognosis.
My Family Doctor put me on some "happy pills" a while ago that I think are starting to kick in. Between those and some sleeping pills....all the world will be right again! lol
Not really sure what else to add except that my next MRI will be in July.
My thoughts and prayers are always still with my 3 Cami girls and now also with Steve P.
Later
Ed
Anyways, back to the MPP....they have contacted the MTO and were given the response that my "case is too difficult for everyday staffers" so they are going to involve a Specialist of some sort to deal with it. Whatever!!! My MPP's office said they are supposed to get some more information by June 17/09 and will contact me then.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Spineless Creatures
Well I see someone else decided they would attempt to slander me by means of discussing a past relationship of mine. Sad part is....they obviously have no clue of what transpired. I could not help but laugh when I read it. I have never claimed to be the King of Relationships anyways. I know I've made my share of mistakes but then again, haven't most of us? The majority of what they wrote was false and slanderous to say the least! (Especially some of the "serious" things they wrote) I have changed the settings on my blog to stop this kind of childishness. Apparently some people are more concerned with other's lives while their own world falls around them. And not surprisingly, the person lacked the testicular fortitude to leave a name. At the end of the day, it goes like the old saying..."There is his side of the story, her side of the story and then there is the truth" Kinda makes me glad I didn't move back to St.Thomas some days ;)
PS: I did delete the comment because of the false statements in it.
Ed
PS: I did delete the comment because of the false statements in it.
Ed
Monday, May 4, 2009
MRI Update
Results of the MRI showed no new growth at this point, only the residual from my last operation. Will continue to have an MRI done every 3 months to monitor for new growth etc. Thank you to all who sent well wishes and prayers etc.
Ed
Ed
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Stay tuned....
Had my MRI yesterday. Results will be known on Monday when I go for my follow-up appointment at the Cancer Clinic .
Ed
Ed
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Well didn't that start a little fire!!
Hello all, its me, Ed McDade, owner and author of this blog page. I'm happy to announce that my move is pretty much complete. Thank you to all my family and friends that assisted and/or offered their help (I could not have done it without you!) I think I should have taken that trip AFTER my move instead of before it! What was I thinking! lol
Ok, now its time for me to respond to the 27 comments left after I posted my last blog. Firstly, this site is NOT intended to provide uplifting inspiration or anything else for that matter. It is intended to allow me a venue to express my innermost thoughts, whether they be good, bad or indifferent. If it does inspire or make people think about whats going on in their own life, then great, that's an added bonus. In the end, I do appreciate everyone's comments although I disagree with the ability to leave "anonymous" signatures after you post. I think if you have the need to reply in a manner that may be deemed non-positive or could be taken out of context, you should at least have the courtesy to send me an e-mail, so I can reply to you personally without the rest of the on-line world being involved.
I am not here to slam,demean or demoralize anyone. Anything and everything I have written is the truth, and yes, sometimes the truth hurts. But in the end, the truth prevails. I will be ensuring that this blog is printed off and a copy goes to my daughter when the time is appropriate. If I am not around to explain to her myself, at least she will know that this is what I thought about and dealt with during this battle. There are enough people (both family and friends) that I trust will make sure that Faith remembers her REAL daddy and what he was like, what he stood for etc.
In closing, I'd like to once again thank everyone for their comments, whether I or anyone else agreed with them or not. In the future though, please attach your name or at least shoot me a mail saying "hey Ed, that comment was from me, and here's why I said it". That way, I'll at least know that you are not replying to the blog just for the sake of stirring the pot or otherwise.
Take care,
Ed McDade
ed_mcdade@hotmail.com
Ok, now its time for me to respond to the 27 comments left after I posted my last blog. Firstly, this site is NOT intended to provide uplifting inspiration or anything else for that matter. It is intended to allow me a venue to express my innermost thoughts, whether they be good, bad or indifferent. If it does inspire or make people think about whats going on in their own life, then great, that's an added bonus. In the end, I do appreciate everyone's comments although I disagree with the ability to leave "anonymous" signatures after you post. I think if you have the need to reply in a manner that may be deemed non-positive or could be taken out of context, you should at least have the courtesy to send me an e-mail, so I can reply to you personally without the rest of the on-line world being involved.
I am not here to slam,demean or demoralize anyone. Anything and everything I have written is the truth, and yes, sometimes the truth hurts. But in the end, the truth prevails. I will be ensuring that this blog is printed off and a copy goes to my daughter when the time is appropriate. If I am not around to explain to her myself, at least she will know that this is what I thought about and dealt with during this battle. There are enough people (both family and friends) that I trust will make sure that Faith remembers her REAL daddy and what he was like, what he stood for etc.
In closing, I'd like to once again thank everyone for their comments, whether I or anyone else agreed with them or not. In the future though, please attach your name or at least shoot me a mail saying "hey Ed, that comment was from me, and here's why I said it". That way, I'll at least know that you are not replying to the blog just for the sake of stirring the pot or otherwise.
Take care,
Ed McDade
ed_mcdade@hotmail.com
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Still kickin'
Its been a while since I've written anything on here. My only excuses are that I've been tied up in a lot of family matters that I won't bore you with and that I am finally preparing to move in a couple of weeks. The packing alone is a slow and tedious process when you've only got one good functioning leg. I can certainly empathize with one of our great Canadian heroes, Terry Fox, who battled daily to just "keep on moving along". My left leg will never get any better, it will always remain about 30-40% numb and I'll never have much control over its actions. That has to be the most frustrating part of my life right now. Not the fact that I am, according to the Doctors, more than 1/2 way into my life expectancy of 1.5 to 2 years. I can deal with that at a later date....its the "here and now" that is ticking me off. For those of you that know me personally, you'll remember me as always on the go, never afraid of a little hard work or sweat and more than willing to lend a helping hand.
These things have been taken from me now and that infuriates me to no end. Now I have to rely on others to take up the slack where I used to be able to. For 6 years I have been picking up my daughter every other weekend as well as taking her to indoor and outdoor soccer and dance on my off weekends without any grumbling. The Ministry of Transportation, along with my Oncologist, decided that due to my condition, they would revoke my driver's licence last March 2008. I was able to get away with it until about a month ago when I got pulled over by the town coppers. They must have decided to run my plates and of course it came back saying "license suspended due to medical reasons". Luckily I was able to get away without a fine but was informed that the next time I would face a minimum fine of $5000.00 all the way up to $25000.00. When I go for my MRI next month, I will be talking with my Oncologist about the possibility of getting my license back. In the meantime, stubborn old me will probably continue to drive (in stealth-mode of course). Faith's mother, however, will not allow Faith to be in the car with me. I have mixed feelings on that but I can see her point of view to an extent.
I guess where I am headed with this is that I am not happy with my daughter's mother right now for a couple of reasons...firstly, she seems to think that my family should do some of the driving to transport Faith to my place (50km each way) since she won't be able to do it all the time. Excuse me but my family did not give birth to OUR daughter, we did! Secondly, Faith's mom also is wanting MORE support money from me even though we both agreed on a set amount after my income was reduced to 60% of what I used to make. The amount agreed upon was 60% of what I used to pay her. To me, that seems only fair and I am sure the Family Responsibility Office would agree. I guess I am supposed to suck it up, deal with a terminal illness, pay for meds and equipment that are not covered by my Drug/Benefit plan, while she continues to live her life without ANY changes to HER finances. I have offered to go above and beyond what I am legally responsible to pay, between what I can give her, and what Canada Pension Disability can contribute for Faith, but she has not got back to me on this. I am by no means trying to slam this person but this is what I deal with. Its no wonder that some days I just want to shut the whole thing down and "log off" from the world,and go into hibernate mode!
I apologize for hammering this out on my blog but I guess this is my only place to vent without fear of repercussion since my ex has never bothered to read my blog from day one.
On a bit of a more positive note, I just returned from a trip to Punta Cana with a friend of mine. The trip was enjoyable but it physically drained me. I don't think I'll be travelling too far in the near future. I now just need to focus on getting this move completed and by that time, hopefully some warmer weather will be here and I can breathe again.
Please do not think I am feeling sorry for myself because I am not....I am only voicing my frustration of my physical limitations and my frustrations with certain people. I will continue to persevere and trudge onward as I have always done. Nothing will stop me, not a woman, not a cop or anything else who decides to get in my way. What have I got to lose right!! (wink)
I shall close off now and wait to hear all the shocking comments. lol
Remaining strong-willed and positive......
Ed McDade
These things have been taken from me now and that infuriates me to no end. Now I have to rely on others to take up the slack where I used to be able to. For 6 years I have been picking up my daughter every other weekend as well as taking her to indoor and outdoor soccer and dance on my off weekends without any grumbling. The Ministry of Transportation, along with my Oncologist, decided that due to my condition, they would revoke my driver's licence last March 2008. I was able to get away with it until about a month ago when I got pulled over by the town coppers. They must have decided to run my plates and of course it came back saying "license suspended due to medical reasons". Luckily I was able to get away without a fine but was informed that the next time I would face a minimum fine of $5000.00 all the way up to $25000.00. When I go for my MRI next month, I will be talking with my Oncologist about the possibility of getting my license back. In the meantime, stubborn old me will probably continue to drive (in stealth-mode of course). Faith's mother, however, will not allow Faith to be in the car with me. I have mixed feelings on that but I can see her point of view to an extent.
I guess where I am headed with this is that I am not happy with my daughter's mother right now for a couple of reasons...firstly, she seems to think that my family should do some of the driving to transport Faith to my place (50km each way) since she won't be able to do it all the time. Excuse me but my family did not give birth to OUR daughter, we did! Secondly, Faith's mom also is wanting MORE support money from me even though we both agreed on a set amount after my income was reduced to 60% of what I used to make. The amount agreed upon was 60% of what I used to pay her. To me, that seems only fair and I am sure the Family Responsibility Office would agree. I guess I am supposed to suck it up, deal with a terminal illness, pay for meds and equipment that are not covered by my Drug/Benefit plan, while she continues to live her life without ANY changes to HER finances. I have offered to go above and beyond what I am legally responsible to pay, between what I can give her, and what Canada Pension Disability can contribute for Faith, but she has not got back to me on this. I am by no means trying to slam this person but this is what I deal with. Its no wonder that some days I just want to shut the whole thing down and "log off" from the world,and go into hibernate mode!
I apologize for hammering this out on my blog but I guess this is my only place to vent without fear of repercussion since my ex has never bothered to read my blog from day one.
On a bit of a more positive note, I just returned from a trip to Punta Cana with a friend of mine. The trip was enjoyable but it physically drained me. I don't think I'll be travelling too far in the near future. I now just need to focus on getting this move completed and by that time, hopefully some warmer weather will be here and I can breathe again.
Please do not think I am feeling sorry for myself because I am not....I am only voicing my frustration of my physical limitations and my frustrations with certain people. I will continue to persevere and trudge onward as I have always done. Nothing will stop me, not a woman, not a cop or anything else who decides to get in my way. What have I got to lose right!! (wink)
I shall close off now and wait to hear all the shocking comments. lol
Remaining strong-willed and positive......
Ed McDade
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Moving
Hi all:
Well the search is over. No more house-hunting for me! I've finally found a place in Tillsonburg. The original plan was to move back to St.Thomas but I was unable to find anything that I felt I could call "home". My new place is all one level, which will help me immensely and is located just on the edge of town. In the nicer weather I could probably walk to the nearest Horton's and Burger King etc. I took Faith through the place this weekend and she was excited about it, which is all that matters to me. Moving, even though Faith does not live with me full time, can be such an "event" for a kid so I am glad that she felt excited to move. A couple of selling points I threw in were that right next door, there was a paddock that had donkeys and goats which she could feed through the fence in the summer. The natural fireplace in the livingroom also went over well when I told her that we could have weenie roasts without even leaving the house! lol
On the down side of moving, I'm now stuck with 4 appliances that I purchased in thinking that I was moving to Handford Place in St.Thomas (see 2 or 3 blogs ago) so if any of you out there know of someone looking for a fridge(with ice and water dispenser), electric stove,washer and gas dryer that are 3 1/2 years old or less, let me know!! (they are all white in colour and in great shape)
On the health side of things I'm still experiencing daily morning headaches which I attribute to the weaning of the steroid I'm on. My Oncologist told me to let them know during my last appointment if the headaches continue but to be honest, I can't be bothered. All the seem to do to remedy the headaches is increase my dexamethazone steroid (used to combat brain swelling). Then a month or so later, attempt to wean me off of it. I don't see the justification in doing this back and forth stuff so I will just endure the headaches until my next MRI in April. My left leg seems to be slowly getting weaker. I'm not sure if this just something that will continue to worsen over time or if in fact there is something that can be done about it. Again, I'll bring this up in April at my next appt.
To my girls from work that are fighting the Cancer battle... Bev,Beth and Heather, keep fighting ladies, we've got more to live for than to die for ;)
Until next time,
Peace.
Ed
Well the search is over. No more house-hunting for me! I've finally found a place in Tillsonburg. The original plan was to move back to St.Thomas but I was unable to find anything that I felt I could call "home". My new place is all one level, which will help me immensely and is located just on the edge of town. In the nicer weather I could probably walk to the nearest Horton's and Burger King etc. I took Faith through the place this weekend and she was excited about it, which is all that matters to me. Moving, even though Faith does not live with me full time, can be such an "event" for a kid so I am glad that she felt excited to move. A couple of selling points I threw in were that right next door, there was a paddock that had donkeys and goats which she could feed through the fence in the summer. The natural fireplace in the livingroom also went over well when I told her that we could have weenie roasts without even leaving the house! lol
On the down side of moving, I'm now stuck with 4 appliances that I purchased in thinking that I was moving to Handford Place in St.Thomas (see 2 or 3 blogs ago) so if any of you out there know of someone looking for a fridge(with ice and water dispenser), electric stove,washer and gas dryer that are 3 1/2 years old or less, let me know!! (they are all white in colour and in great shape)
On the health side of things I'm still experiencing daily morning headaches which I attribute to the weaning of the steroid I'm on. My Oncologist told me to let them know during my last appointment if the headaches continue but to be honest, I can't be bothered. All the seem to do to remedy the headaches is increase my dexamethazone steroid (used to combat brain swelling). Then a month or so later, attempt to wean me off of it. I don't see the justification in doing this back and forth stuff so I will just endure the headaches until my next MRI in April. My left leg seems to be slowly getting weaker. I'm not sure if this just something that will continue to worsen over time or if in fact there is something that can be done about it. Again, I'll bring this up in April at my next appt.
To my girls from work that are fighting the Cancer battle... Bev,Beth and Heather, keep fighting ladies, we've got more to live for than to die for ;)
Until next time,
Peace.
Ed
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Wake me when Winter is over
Ok, the cold winter weather can leave any day now! I'm not sure about you but I've already had enough of the sub-zero temperatures and the snow. This winter season has been like the Winters we used to get when I was growing up. Lots of snow and temperatures that would make your nostrils stick together! Welcome to Canada eh!
I received a Facebook message the other day from a fellow Cancer survivor's mother who gave me some much needed fuel and helped to remind me why I do this blog and that I CAN make a difference, in my own life, as well as helping others to "see the forest through the trees". Here is an except of what this kind lady had to say:
Although we haven`t formally met, I`ve been following your blogs for some time. Heather arranged it so that I could access both your story and Beth`s....and I must say that I have treasured the chance to do so. The journey each of you has been reluctantly taking, simply takes my breath away...and the way each of you has shared the reality of it all, on your computers, is almost unbelievable. Through the words you have shared, you are giving each one of your readers a gift....a priceless gift. Heather`s Dad and I both thank you Ed......and we want you to know we have kept you in our thoughts and prayers ever since Heather put us in touch with your blogs.
What a powerful team you, Beth, Heather and now Bev, have become....each supporting one another.....and without even knowing it, being supported by many others. For example you are each on prayer lists of Ingersoll churches such as St. James and First Baptist....and I can add that your names are remembered in churches in both PEI and Welland...so .don`t you wonder how many more are thinking of you each and every day.....certainly more than you have ever imagined.
Aside from wishing you well Ed, I want to tell you that your writing skills are excellent...and they have continued to grow....spelling, grammar and organization, all tempered with poignant reality and touching inserts of humour...what a balancing act...you`re just amazing. Don`t know what your background has been in terms of education, but clearly you are a gifted writer...was this always your strength or has it been a recently acquired skill. Don`t doubt the value of sharing your thoughts and words Ed... you`ll never know how many people they have impacted....and how many of these people will remain unknown to you. So as I say to Heather..." .Hang in there....and keep on keeping on."
Its comments like this that keep my motivation level high and remind me of all the reasons for fighting my "creeping Charlie". I have been blessed with a beautiful daughter, a wonderful family and amazing friends who have all stepped up to the fight, right along side of me. Who could ask for anything more?!
As for the current status of my moving to St.Thomas, my family and I are continuing our search for something suitable for me. I truly do not want to move into an apartment complex or anything like that for Faith's sake. I want for both of us to be comfortable and at peace in our new home and for me, that means being able to play in the backyard without having to pack up and go to a park, or for me not to stress when she has friends over and they bellow out the "little girl screams" just because they are having fun. I'm sure that something will turn up in the near future for us :)
Well its Soccer Sunday....Faith plays indoor soccer in St.Thomas and I still try to coach her team (or at least be a human pylon). I thoroughly enjoy playing with all the kids every Sunday. It boils down to more than teaching them basic soccer skills too, it has a lot more to do with teaching them right from wrong, basic manners, sportsmanship and friendship. Soccer Sunday is one of the places where I know I will always walk away from with a smile on my face from the hour of fun we had.
On that note, I'd better get my gear together and start my day.
Thanks for everyone's continued support of our fight against the "C" word.
Much love,
Ed
(and I am sure I can, with confidence add Heather's, Beth's and Bev's name to this.) Keep fighting the fight ladies, we are worth every struggle!)
I received a Facebook message the other day from a fellow Cancer survivor's mother who gave me some much needed fuel and helped to remind me why I do this blog and that I CAN make a difference, in my own life, as well as helping others to "see the forest through the trees". Here is an except of what this kind lady had to say:
Although we haven`t formally met, I`ve been following your blogs for some time. Heather arranged it so that I could access both your story and Beth`s....and I must say that I have treasured the chance to do so. The journey each of you has been reluctantly taking, simply takes my breath away...and the way each of you has shared the reality of it all, on your computers, is almost unbelievable. Through the words you have shared, you are giving each one of your readers a gift....a priceless gift. Heather`s Dad and I both thank you Ed......and we want you to know we have kept you in our thoughts and prayers ever since Heather put us in touch with your blogs.
What a powerful team you, Beth, Heather and now Bev, have become....each supporting one another.....and without even knowing it, being supported by many others. For example you are each on prayer lists of Ingersoll churches such as St. James and First Baptist....and I can add that your names are remembered in churches in both PEI and Welland...so .don`t you wonder how many more are thinking of you each and every day.....certainly more than you have ever imagined.
Aside from wishing you well Ed, I want to tell you that your writing skills are excellent...and they have continued to grow....spelling, grammar and organization, all tempered with poignant reality and touching inserts of humour...what a balancing act...you`re just amazing. Don`t know what your background has been in terms of education, but clearly you are a gifted writer...was this always your strength or has it been a recently acquired skill. Don`t doubt the value of sharing your thoughts and words Ed... you`ll never know how many people they have impacted....and how many of these people will remain unknown to you. So as I say to Heather..." .Hang in there....and keep on keeping on."
Its comments like this that keep my motivation level high and remind me of all the reasons for fighting my "creeping Charlie". I have been blessed with a beautiful daughter, a wonderful family and amazing friends who have all stepped up to the fight, right along side of me. Who could ask for anything more?!
As for the current status of my moving to St.Thomas, my family and I are continuing our search for something suitable for me. I truly do not want to move into an apartment complex or anything like that for Faith's sake. I want for both of us to be comfortable and at peace in our new home and for me, that means being able to play in the backyard without having to pack up and go to a park, or for me not to stress when she has friends over and they bellow out the "little girl screams" just because they are having fun. I'm sure that something will turn up in the near future for us :)
Well its Soccer Sunday....Faith plays indoor soccer in St.Thomas and I still try to coach her team (or at least be a human pylon). I thoroughly enjoy playing with all the kids every Sunday. It boils down to more than teaching them basic soccer skills too, it has a lot more to do with teaching them right from wrong, basic manners, sportsmanship and friendship. Soccer Sunday is one of the places where I know I will always walk away from with a smile on my face from the hour of fun we had.
On that note, I'd better get my gear together and start my day.
Thanks for everyone's continued support of our fight against the "C" word.
Much love,
Ed
(and I am sure I can, with confidence add Heather's, Beth's and Bev's name to this.) Keep fighting the fight ladies, we are worth every struggle!)
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Back to business
Thank you to all that tossed some prospective housing opportunities my way yesterday. I spent some time with my mom and dad last night and may have possibly come up with "Plan B". Details to follow in a week or so. It was nice spending some one-on-one time with the parents last night after all the "events" that have transpired in our lives over the past few months. It was actually relaxing!! :)
Brad and Jenn Norman...what else can I say about you two fine folks. Once again, they pulled through and sent me a personalized official Calgary Flames jersey with the team's autographs on it. You guys are the best!( of course with Cassie and Jake right beside you)
Any length of sleep still eludes me it seems. That holiday can't come soon enough although I think the idea is realistically going to have to be shelved until I get this housing nonsense taken care of. The rest of the "pile" can just wait!
Ahhh, and before I forget.....thank you all who sent me the birthday cards, electronic wishes etc. Your thoughtfulness seems un-ending :)
Have a splendiferous day!! (feel free to use that Ed-ism)
Til then....
Ed
Brad and Jenn Norman...what else can I say about you two fine folks. Once again, they pulled through and sent me a personalized official Calgary Flames jersey with the team's autographs on it. You guys are the best!( of course with Cassie and Jake right beside you)
Any length of sleep still eludes me it seems. That holiday can't come soon enough although I think the idea is realistically going to have to be shelved until I get this housing nonsense taken care of. The rest of the "pile" can just wait!
Ahhh, and before I forget.....thank you all who sent me the birthday cards, electronic wishes etc. Your thoughtfulness seems un-ending :)
Have a splendiferous day!! (feel free to use that Ed-ism)
Til then....
Ed
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Caution!! Venting Time...Beware!!!
So there I was, bringing 2009 in on a sad note to begin with....my daughter's Grandma passed away on New Year's Eve. I got to thinking that with any good fortune whatsoever, that will be the end of an otherwise challenging year and that come that ever so "magical" midnight hour, the slate would be wiped clean and I'd be set for some positive days to come!
Well, it didn't take long for that bubble to be burst I'll tell ya!! Between family and friend "challenges" that have decided to pop up, its been like playing "Whack-a-Mole" at the local Fair! Is it 2010 yet??
To top it all off (and we are only at January 14th) is the news I received yesterday regarding my move to St.Thomas. Apparently, only 15 or so days before I was to turn my life inside out and upside down by moving closer to my family and daughter, my new landlord, Mr. Rene Buttazzoni decides that he has changed his mind and does not wish to rent his vacant house to me, or anyone else for that matter. Instead, I've been told, he wishes to put it back on the thriving real estate market in St.Thomas (oh, thats right, the same place where the Sterling Facility, along with undoubtedly numerous tier one, two and three suppliers, will be shutting its doors in March of this year, thus putting a few thousand unfortunate souls out of a means of putting food on their family's table)
Normally, I would not be too upset with this type of behaviour, but I was also told that it was his daughter who convinced , or should that read coerced him into this decision! Unbeknown st to her, the financial burden it had already put on me by having to purchase 4 appliances for this home, pay more rent as well as uproot my house and home of the past 6 years in the Tillsonburg area. Oh and the deal was supposed to be that I'd move in Feb. 1st and would also remain obligated to my current home until Mar. 1st. So here I sit now, with less than 45 days to find a home, hopefully in St.Thomas and if not, at least the surrounding area.
For anyone who may read this and may know the Buttazzoni family, please send along my heartfelt thanks for kick-starting my 2009 into high gear. I think if I tilt my plate to the side, it may allow a few other important things to slide off and onto the floor, to be forgotten about, while I add this proverbial steaming turd to an already over-flowing plate of crap to deal with.
If anyone out there knows of a decent home for rent, I am looking for something with few stairs, a minimum of 3 bedrooms and if I'm putting a wish list together, it'd have Central Air, a bathroom on the main floor(s), an attached garage, a private yard for Faith to play in and be located within 25km of St.Thomas. I'm also looking to pay no more than $800/mth. Yes,I KNOW thats pretty much a mortgage payment but have you ever gone to the bank and said "Hi, I've got a terminal cancer, can I borrow some money please?" lol
Ok, now that I've blurted out my frustration, you may now return to your regularly scheduled programming. I apologize for the interruption :)
No worries though folks...I'll be back to "normal" soonest!
Til next time,
Still sincerely and thankful,
Ed
Well, it didn't take long for that bubble to be burst I'll tell ya!! Between family and friend "challenges" that have decided to pop up, its been like playing "Whack-a-Mole" at the local Fair! Is it 2010 yet??
To top it all off (and we are only at January 14th) is the news I received yesterday regarding my move to St.Thomas. Apparently, only 15 or so days before I was to turn my life inside out and upside down by moving closer to my family and daughter, my new landlord, Mr. Rene Buttazzoni decides that he has changed his mind and does not wish to rent his vacant house to me, or anyone else for that matter. Instead, I've been told, he wishes to put it back on the thriving real estate market in St.Thomas (oh, thats right, the same place where the Sterling Facility, along with undoubtedly numerous tier one, two and three suppliers, will be shutting its doors in March of this year, thus putting a few thousand unfortunate souls out of a means of putting food on their family's table)
Normally, I would not be too upset with this type of behaviour, but I was also told that it was his daughter who convinced , or should that read coerced him into this decision! Unbeknown st to her, the financial burden it had already put on me by having to purchase 4 appliances for this home, pay more rent as well as uproot my house and home of the past 6 years in the Tillsonburg area. Oh and the deal was supposed to be that I'd move in Feb. 1st and would also remain obligated to my current home until Mar. 1st. So here I sit now, with less than 45 days to find a home, hopefully in St.Thomas and if not, at least the surrounding area.
For anyone who may read this and may know the Buttazzoni family, please send along my heartfelt thanks for kick-starting my 2009 into high gear. I think if I tilt my plate to the side, it may allow a few other important things to slide off and onto the floor, to be forgotten about, while I add this proverbial steaming turd to an already over-flowing plate of crap to deal with.
If anyone out there knows of a decent home for rent, I am looking for something with few stairs, a minimum of 3 bedrooms and if I'm putting a wish list together, it'd have Central Air, a bathroom on the main floor(s), an attached garage, a private yard for Faith to play in and be located within 25km of St.Thomas. I'm also looking to pay no more than $800/mth. Yes,I KNOW thats pretty much a mortgage payment but have you ever gone to the bank and said "Hi, I've got a terminal cancer, can I borrow some money please?" lol
Ok, now that I've blurted out my frustration, you may now return to your regularly scheduled programming. I apologize for the interruption :)
No worries though folks...I'll be back to "normal" soonest!
Til next time,
Still sincerely and thankful,
Ed
Friday, January 9, 2009
MRI Results
Well, this is one of very few times you will hear me say that I am GLAD I was wrong!! Today's results showed no positive tumour growth in the brain. I got to view the MRI scans and did not notice any "mass" growing either.
A few things that did catch the attention of my Oncologist were that there is still swelling around the brain where the last resection was done. He will be scheduling me an appointment to see my Neurosurgeon to review that as well as the small hole that remains in my skin. This hole is allowing water and God knows what else to get in and out of my head, leaving me susceptible to infection and/or the possibility of more surgery to clean it out. They want me to remain on the steroids for now to continue to fight the brain swelling but have introduced another weaning schedule to try and get me off of them (or at least to a lower dosage to minimize side effects)
The Doc also said that with me going back on the steroid, that it could have raised my awareness of my left arm numbness and motor control since the headaches were being taken care of by the steroid.
The MRI showed substantial scar tissue which could also be pressuring against the Motor Strip causing the left arm issues.
Overall, the Oncologist was satisfied with the results but now since I have recovered 99% from the surgery, he wants to perform an MRI every 3 months. As we've discussed earlier, this type of terminal cancer cannot always be detected when the cells are so small until the begin to form a cluster. I am by no means out of the woods but at least know that I am so far beating the odds :)
All this being said....I'll now breathe a little easier until the next MRI and I'll be doing some re-organization within my own life soon. I'll be moving to St.Thomas during Feb and Mar and am looking to get away somewhere warm and peaceful for a week or two in the very near future just to re-group and analyze where I'm at in my life and where I want to be going forward. Yeah, I know...it sounds pretty deep eh! lol But really, it is!
Thank you to all who have posted thier comments and well-wishes on here as well as through other means. Its positive support like yours that makes this challenge of mine, a lot easier to deal with every day.
With true sincerity,
Ed
A few things that did catch the attention of my Oncologist were that there is still swelling around the brain where the last resection was done. He will be scheduling me an appointment to see my Neurosurgeon to review that as well as the small hole that remains in my skin. This hole is allowing water and God knows what else to get in and out of my head, leaving me susceptible to infection and/or the possibility of more surgery to clean it out. They want me to remain on the steroids for now to continue to fight the brain swelling but have introduced another weaning schedule to try and get me off of them (or at least to a lower dosage to minimize side effects)
The Doc also said that with me going back on the steroid, that it could have raised my awareness of my left arm numbness and motor control since the headaches were being taken care of by the steroid.
The MRI showed substantial scar tissue which could also be pressuring against the Motor Strip causing the left arm issues.
Overall, the Oncologist was satisfied with the results but now since I have recovered 99% from the surgery, he wants to perform an MRI every 3 months. As we've discussed earlier, this type of terminal cancer cannot always be detected when the cells are so small until the begin to form a cluster. I am by no means out of the woods but at least know that I am so far beating the odds :)
All this being said....I'll now breathe a little easier until the next MRI and I'll be doing some re-organization within my own life soon. I'll be moving to St.Thomas during Feb and Mar and am looking to get away somewhere warm and peaceful for a week or two in the very near future just to re-group and analyze where I'm at in my life and where I want to be going forward. Yeah, I know...it sounds pretty deep eh! lol But really, it is!
Thank you to all who have posted thier comments and well-wishes on here as well as through other means. Its positive support like yours that makes this challenge of mine, a lot easier to deal with every day.
With true sincerity,
Ed
D-Day
Well, the day is here. Sigh
I can't lie and say I've slept like a baby this past week. My mind has been working overtime wondering what the outcome of today will be. I am totally aware that whatever is going on in my head with respect to tumour activity is a done deal already. Whether its there or not...I just want to know dammit. I really don't care for the "unknown".
I think I may have mentioned my own personal thoughts in my last post, on what is going on up there...and unfortunately, I still feel that way. I only say this because I know my body, I know the previous symptoms and previous pain, such as the constant morning headaches. The left arm numbness and loss of fine motor control is the big red flag for me really. Prior to my last surgeries (not many of us can boast of having 2 brain surgeries in less than one year eh!) I felt the exact same numbness etc. This was/is caused by the tumour mass pushing against the Motor Strip of the brain. That being said, I'm walking in there today hoping for the best, but preparing for the worst. Either way, I'll just continue to deal with what is thrown my way and keep tossing it back while telling them "Hey, I'm not ready yet!!"
I will update this page sometime this evening after I return from the Cancer Clinic. My appointment isn't until 3:30pm with bloodwork at 3pm.
Until then...
I can't lie and say I've slept like a baby this past week. My mind has been working overtime wondering what the outcome of today will be. I am totally aware that whatever is going on in my head with respect to tumour activity is a done deal already. Whether its there or not...I just want to know dammit. I really don't care for the "unknown".
I think I may have mentioned my own personal thoughts in my last post, on what is going on up there...and unfortunately, I still feel that way. I only say this because I know my body, I know the previous symptoms and previous pain, such as the constant morning headaches. The left arm numbness and loss of fine motor control is the big red flag for me really. Prior to my last surgeries (not many of us can boast of having 2 brain surgeries in less than one year eh!) I felt the exact same numbness etc. This was/is caused by the tumour mass pushing against the Motor Strip of the brain. That being said, I'm walking in there today hoping for the best, but preparing for the worst. Either way, I'll just continue to deal with what is thrown my way and keep tossing it back while telling them "Hey, I'm not ready yet!!"
I will update this page sometime this evening after I return from the Cancer Clinic. My appointment isn't until 3:30pm with bloodwork at 3pm.
Until then...
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
New year but same hopes and dreams
Hello everyone:
Wow, hard to believe that its been since December 2nd since I last posted anything on here. I guess so much had been going on in my life with my sister being hospitalized for a month and some other personal stuff, that I felt the need to put my blogging on the shelf for the time being.
Looking back over this "blogless" time frame, I can only wonder what the plan is for each and every one of us. Or are we too busy in the "now" to be concerned about the "future" and forgetting about the "then"? I feel as if I've been given a glimpse of this and I don't like it at all. I truly believe that we all need to slow the train down and "think" before we "act" or we're all going to end up in a crash that will leave us good for naught. ~ok, I'm stepping off the soapbox now!~
I'm very happy to inform you all that my younger sister Angela has recovered remarkably well from her ordeal. She still has some rehabilitative measures to work on, but other than that, she is back to being a healthy woman. Her fiends,co-workers and family certainly came through to ensure that she and her 3 children had a terrific Christmas. Stories like hers always remind me to be thankful for what I HAVE, and not what I HAVE NOT. Once again, I'd personally like to thank each and every kind soul out there who was gracious enough to time, gifts, and love to supporting Angela and her family throughout this crisis.
Ok, onto me now! Geez, its been nice to be out of the limelight actually for a while!! But I guess, as everything goes....all good things must come to an end. Here I am, back to talking about the dreaded "C" word.
On Saturday Jan 3rd, I went for my latest MRI. I should have the results given to me on Jan 9th at my Cancer Clinic appointmet in London. Unfortunately, I'm not expecting good news. I don't say this out of simple fear or anything, but rather out of the symptoms that have returned and are mirror image of the last 2 tumours. My left arm has become very weak again and I notice losing motor control of it too. I have also been experiencing the consistant morning headaches until my Oncologist decided to put me back on the steroid that I had finally been weaned off, about a month ago. So yes, the headaches have subsided but only due to the anti-brain sweeling steroids. (a.k.a. the band-aid to get me through to this next MRI) Along with steroids comes the lack of ability to sleep properly I've noticed. Ughh
So, this Friday, I expect to be told that the tumour has returned. No crying, no whining.....its just back! If my suspicions are true, I will just deal with it the same way I did over the past year when I underwent 2 brain surgeries. Be as positive a person as I can be, be thankful for what I have, not long for what I don't have, and appreciate everything and everyone who is a positive influence in my life.
I have also made the bittersweet decision to move back to St.Thomas in Feb./Mar. I really don't like the idea of leaving my current home but I feel that it is time to be closer to the family and my daughter. I've managed to get a nice house in the north end of the city.
Thank you all for your patience during my "blog-free" time, allowing me to focus on my family and other personal matters during the past month. I will be updating the blog more frequently again and will certainly inform you all of this Friday's results. My appt is not until 3:30pm so don't expect anything until later that evening please.
Wishing you all a prosperous, safe and joyous New Year.
All the best to you and yours.....
Ed
Wow, hard to believe that its been since December 2nd since I last posted anything on here. I guess so much had been going on in my life with my sister being hospitalized for a month and some other personal stuff, that I felt the need to put my blogging on the shelf for the time being.
Looking back over this "blogless" time frame, I can only wonder what the plan is for each and every one of us. Or are we too busy in the "now" to be concerned about the "future" and forgetting about the "then"? I feel as if I've been given a glimpse of this and I don't like it at all. I truly believe that we all need to slow the train down and "think" before we "act" or we're all going to end up in a crash that will leave us good for naught. ~ok, I'm stepping off the soapbox now!~
I'm very happy to inform you all that my younger sister Angela has recovered remarkably well from her ordeal. She still has some rehabilitative measures to work on, but other than that, she is back to being a healthy woman. Her fiends,co-workers and family certainly came through to ensure that she and her 3 children had a terrific Christmas. Stories like hers always remind me to be thankful for what I HAVE, and not what I HAVE NOT. Once again, I'd personally like to thank each and every kind soul out there who was gracious enough to time, gifts, and love to supporting Angela and her family throughout this crisis.
Ok, onto me now! Geez, its been nice to be out of the limelight actually for a while!! But I guess, as everything goes....all good things must come to an end. Here I am, back to talking about the dreaded "C" word.
On Saturday Jan 3rd, I went for my latest MRI. I should have the results given to me on Jan 9th at my Cancer Clinic appointmet in London. Unfortunately, I'm not expecting good news. I don't say this out of simple fear or anything, but rather out of the symptoms that have returned and are mirror image of the last 2 tumours. My left arm has become very weak again and I notice losing motor control of it too. I have also been experiencing the consistant morning headaches until my Oncologist decided to put me back on the steroid that I had finally been weaned off, about a month ago. So yes, the headaches have subsided but only due to the anti-brain sweeling steroids. (a.k.a. the band-aid to get me through to this next MRI) Along with steroids comes the lack of ability to sleep properly I've noticed. Ughh
So, this Friday, I expect to be told that the tumour has returned. No crying, no whining.....its just back! If my suspicions are true, I will just deal with it the same way I did over the past year when I underwent 2 brain surgeries. Be as positive a person as I can be, be thankful for what I have, not long for what I don't have, and appreciate everything and everyone who is a positive influence in my life.
I have also made the bittersweet decision to move back to St.Thomas in Feb./Mar. I really don't like the idea of leaving my current home but I feel that it is time to be closer to the family and my daughter. I've managed to get a nice house in the north end of the city.
Thank you all for your patience during my "blog-free" time, allowing me to focus on my family and other personal matters during the past month. I will be updating the blog more frequently again and will certainly inform you all of this Friday's results. My appt is not until 3:30pm so don't expect anything until later that evening please.
Wishing you all a prosperous, safe and joyous New Year.
All the best to you and yours.....
Ed
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)