Sept 1/2009

Wow, September 1st already. Hard to believe that summer has came and gone pretty much already. I think I missed the 2 weeks of summer we DID have...probably moving or some other mundane task.

The Day Surgery I was scheduled for today has been pushed out until this Thursday Sept 3/09. I'm sure they just didn't have a sharp enough knife available yet to get through my thick head! ( I can just visualize all the head-nodding going on after that comment!!)

Its been a bit of a tough go recently for me, both physically and emotionally. With the constant 24/7 head-aches and the still unexplained numbness in my face and hand, I guess I've begun to lose faith in my doctors. Perhaps there is no explanation for it all...who knows. I guess it just gets frustrating after a while. I have even gone so far as to adjust my own meds to try to alleviate some of the head-aches etc. Might not be the best decision to have made but I needed relief in some form.

Emotionally I guess this cancer stuff just wears on you. I've been trying to "live" since January 2008 with a prognosis of 1.5 to 2 years and then here I am, about 1 year and 8 months into it and find myself living for every 3 months (MRI every 3 months) and just awaiting the day to come when they tell me....."its back". Yeah, I know....not the most positive thought in the world but a true thought of mine....and this is my place to voice it I guess. I find myself just wanting to retreat more and more often "into the cave" just to get away from it all. The highlight of my life is still my daughter Faith, but when she is here, I find it harder and harder to cope with the everyday antics of an 8 year old. Unfortunately, she gets the crappy end of the stick really. Not having a Dad who can do all the fun things that a Dad should be doing with his daughter.

Hopefully things will take a turn for the better once I get my license back. That is, if the M.O.T. Medical Review Board feels that I am now medically fit enough to drive!! I've put in the time they want being seizure-free (1 year) but now its all the governmental red tape and the waiting game. I have truly learned how much driving IS a privilege and not a right over the past while.

Anyways, thats enough of my gripes and whines for now....gotta save some for another blog!

Bare with me if I'm a little "distant" for a while. I think I need to re-group and re-charge the batteries somehow. I am considering a trip soon if all the medical issues would slow down and co-operate just for a bit! I would love to just get away, even if its by myself...just to re-align my thoughts and outlook.

Take care and I'll see you when the cobwebs have cleared!

Ed