Well here I am....42 days of chemo in a row now. UGH I'm on day 14 of 28 for round 2 right now. Still not convinced that it is doing anything but I can only wait and see I guess. I am at the mercy of conventional medicine.I am now beginning to see why some people give up on the conventional methods of treatment to fight cancer. I am a very "results-oriented" type of person and this waiting game is killing me.
With the assistance of my Doctor, we did some re-arranging and dosage increase/decrease of some meds to see if we could get me sleeping any better than 2-3 hours a night. I guess I am up to around 4 or 5 hours at the present time but if does not get any better, I will quit this new regime they have started and just suck it up. I'm tired of taking a million pills every day to combat this that and the other. Yeah, they are all formulated to fight something, but the side effects are just sometimes not worth it.
On a more positive note, I enjoyed a terrific weekend with Faith and one of her school friends at the trailer. Oh to be a kid again....the rain did not hold those 2 back at all. I truly enjoyed our weekend away and watching them be so carefree. I'm thinking I am in a better place mentally this year and so I hope to be at the trailer more often. Last year I think I was still too frustrated with my bum leg and got frustrated with the confines of being in the trailer. The frustration is still there but I have learned to just live with the "new" me I guess. Enjoy every day and live with no regrets.
Am I scared of my 6-12 month new prognosis....hell yes. There is not a day that goes by, or a new headache that appears, that I think geez, is this it? Is this really the beginning of the end this time?? Life shouldn't be like this....but I guess its a reality check that you, me or any of our loved ones could lose their own battle at any time. Funny story....I had a run-in with my landlord the other week. He'd left me a voicemail about moving my vehicles out of the driveway so that they could FINALLY finish installing a new steel roof on the house. This roof has been a work in progress since late last summer so between having roofing garbage all over my yard, a supply wagon parked in my yard, and just the overall inconvenience of it all, it was really beginning to frustrate me. I pay high dollar rent for this place so I expect things to be done in a timely fashion.Oh, did I mention that I waited over 3 months to get my front door fixed because it would not close and when ever a wind came along, it would blow it open?? lol Needless to say, I got tired of waiting and fixed it myself. Sad part is, it was a very easy fix. It boiled down to being a principle is all. Anyways, back to the roof story......to make a long story short, my landlord shows up at my place early on a Monday morning....tries to rip a strip off of me for not having my vehicles moved at his whim, and proceeds to tell me that I will be a "former" tenant if I don't do what is expected of me by him. In the end I actually told him to f*#k off and slammed the door in his face. This guy is one of 2 brothers who have more money than God and without giving names, sold the local landfill to the City of Toronto for $220 million dollars!! So yeah, money was not an issue here.
I guess the moral of my story is that before you go shooting your mouth off, just remember that that person who did not jump, or give you your expected reply, may be fighting a battle of their own. Having a vehicle moved took me all of 2 minutes and the bricklayers were not even bothered at all. Don't sweat the small stuff ;)
Angela is still on the mend in Continuing Care at the St.Thomas hospital. I see some of the old Angela surfacing again....and without going in to details, may not be a good thing. Angela is on a STRICT diet, so please, even though it is totally understood that it is all with the best of intentions, do not bring any food up or retrieve any of her "requests", without going through the hospital Dietitian first. I still see months of rehab for her before she can even be considered competent of living in the community, either alone or with assisted living. Fingers crossed that all remains positive for her and that she does not make any poor choices regarding her new lease on life.
My thoughts and prayers go out to all that suffering with cancer right now, or have a close loved one who is suffering. You are all in my thoughts daily and we will beat this thing ;)
Ed
1 comment:
I'm so sorry Ed for what you're going through. My heart and thoughts are with you everyday. Nobody can ever truly realize what you're going through unless they've lived it themselves. Try to stay strong and know alot of people are thinking about you everyday!
Darlene L.
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