June 18/2011

Well its been a few weeks since my last update so I guess its time.......

First and foremost, my heart goes out to my Aunt Carol and family (mom's sister) on the tragic loss of her son recently. So very sad, he was only 41 with a partner and 2 kids. Just another slap in the face kind of reminder, that we can all go at any time. Live your life to the fullest and live with no regrets.

Well we have finally secured a place for Angela to call "home". She will be moving into an apartment complex in August. It is a ground floor unit and she will be receiving in-home care via Cheshire House. This is a HUGE weight lifted from my shoulders. Still a ton of work to be done from clearing out her old apartment, to storing her belongings temporarily and purchasing all the mobility aids that she will require for around and outside the home. Supposedly there is financial assistance out there to help with this transition for her....but its like getting blood from a stone to get any gov't organization to commit. Angela continues to undergo dialysis treatment 3 times a week and is slowly regaining some strength physically.

If any of my old Cami friends from the St.Thomas area are able to get any wire harness boxes in the next while, myself or someone from my family would gladly pick them up from you. (hint hint) :) We'll need to start packing up her life soon I'd imagine.

Ok, on to me........I'm currently on DAY 74 of chemo. No break in between, no trip to never-neverland, they just keep feeding it to me daily. I will be done the third round on June 27th. Over the past few weeks, my energy level has dropped significantly. I have a hard time making it through the day at times but just kick myself in the butt and trudge onward. I'm at the point of where I'll have my own little conversation with my chemo pill asking it "are you even working?? Have I been taking you and your toxic effects for the last 70 plus days for nothing??" Some days I'll even look at the pill and get within inches of putting it back in the pill bottle and saying screw it. But, to date, I've complied with what conventional medicine says I should do. If I get poor MRI results this time....it might be a different story.

Next MRI is Monday June 20th at 3:45pm, then wait another 8 days for my results appt on the 28th at 2pm.

I'd be lying if I told you everything is rosy right now. As I said, my energy level has significantly decreased, I'm having bladder issues lately, and my vision seems to blur at times. I find I am stumbling for words during conversations and feel like I'm living in a haze some days. Whether the root cause of all this is due to the amount of chemo that has been ingested into my body over the last 3 months or the tumours are taking over.....I don't know. I guess by the end of the month, the ugly answers shall rear their heads.

I appreciate everyone's kindness toward me during all this. All your tokens of thoughtfulness are truly appreciated and remembered. One thing I really have to bite my tongue on (as I'm sure many people fighting cancer or any other terminal disease do) is when people approach me and say "hey, you look good". lol I honestly know that people say it with the best of intentions and all that but there are just some days that I'd like to come back with a good retort. I don't though...and never will, because I know these people are just kind, caring people who do are genuine with their intentions. As an old fellow supervisor at Cami would say( Lester)...its still Ed, the metrosexual. lol I still do my best to look as good as I can with what I've got. For me, looking good, makes me feel somewhat better, almost as if my life was normal. Dare ya to step INSIDE of me though....its a nasty place :(

Happy Father's Day to my Dad...and to all the other Dads out there who do actually take interest in their child's life. I know in my heart, I'm doing the best I can with Faith....no matter what shit-slinging others may toss at me :)

Thanks for listening :)

Next update will undoubtedly be after the 28th appointment.

Peace


PS: Before you raise an eyebrow about the metrosexual comment....Google it heh heh