Its been a while since I've written anything on here. My only excuses are that I've been tied up in a lot of family matters that I won't bore you with and that I am finally preparing to move in a couple of weeks. The packing alone is a slow and tedious process when you've only got one good functioning leg. I can certainly empathize with one of our great Canadian heroes, Terry Fox, who battled daily to just "keep on moving along". My left leg will never get any better, it will always remain about 30-40% numb and I'll never have much control over its actions. That has to be the most frustrating part of my life right now. Not the fact that I am, according to the Doctors, more than 1/2 way into my life expectancy of 1.5 to 2 years. I can deal with that at a later date....its the "here and now" that is ticking me off. For those of you that know me personally, you'll remember me as always on the go, never afraid of a little hard work or sweat and more than willing to lend a helping hand.
These things have been taken from me now and that infuriates me to no end. Now I have to rely on others to take up the slack where I used to be able to. For 6 years I have been picking up my daughter every other weekend as well as taking her to indoor and outdoor soccer and dance on my off weekends without any grumbling. The Ministry of Transportation, along with my Oncologist, decided that due to my condition, they would revoke my driver's licence last March 2008. I was able to get away with it until about a month ago when I got pulled over by the town coppers. They must have decided to run my plates and of course it came back saying "license suspended due to medical reasons". Luckily I was able to get away without a fine but was informed that the next time I would face a minimum fine of $5000.00 all the way up to $25000.00. When I go for my MRI next month, I will be talking with my Oncologist about the possibility of getting my license back. In the meantime, stubborn old me will probably continue to drive (in stealth-mode of course). Faith's mother, however, will not allow Faith to be in the car with me. I have mixed feelings on that but I can see her point of view to an extent.
I guess where I am headed with this is that I am not happy with my daughter's mother right now for a couple of reasons...firstly, she seems to think that my family should do some of the driving to transport Faith to my place (50km each way) since she won't be able to do it all the time. Excuse me but my family did not give birth to OUR daughter, we did! Secondly, Faith's mom also is wanting MORE support money from me even though we both agreed on a set amount after my income was reduced to 60% of what I used to make. The amount agreed upon was 60% of what I used to pay her. To me, that seems only fair and I am sure the Family Responsibility Office would agree. I guess I am supposed to suck it up, deal with a terminal illness, pay for meds and equipment that are not covered by my Drug/Benefit plan, while she continues to live her life without ANY changes to HER finances. I have offered to go above and beyond what I am legally responsible to pay, between what I can give her, and what Canada Pension Disability can contribute for Faith, but she has not got back to me on this. I am by no means trying to slam this person but this is what I deal with. Its no wonder that some days I just want to shut the whole thing down and "log off" from the world,and go into hibernate mode!
I apologize for hammering this out on my blog but I guess this is my only place to vent without fear of repercussion since my ex has never bothered to read my blog from day one.
On a bit of a more positive note, I just returned from a trip to Punta Cana with a friend of mine. The trip was enjoyable but it physically drained me. I don't think I'll be travelling too far in the near future. I now just need to focus on getting this move completed and by that time, hopefully some warmer weather will be here and I can breathe again.
Please do not think I am feeling sorry for myself because I am not....I am only voicing my frustration of my physical limitations and my frustrations with certain people. I will continue to persevere and trudge onward as I have always done. Nothing will stop me, not a woman, not a cop or anything else who decides to get in my way. What have I got to lose right!! (wink)
I shall close off now and wait to hear all the shocking comments. lol
Remaining strong-willed and positive......
Ed McDade
30 comments:
Doesn't it feel EMPOWERING when you can speak the truth! Don't stop.
Understood and vent allllllll you want sweets...it's good for you! Keep kicking and remember if you need help call...need a ride, call...if I can make it possible I WILL!!! Take care of yourself Ed...always in my thoughts xo Bev
Just a little tidbit of info for you...the F.R.O has no say when it comes to adjusting your support payments regardless of any situation! Talk to a lawyer because this is something that has to go through the courts!
Glad to hear that you are just venting and with just cause there Ed. Now as for the feeling of being helpless hey no need you have a vast circle of friends that need to feel that they are of value to you and in saying that I am sure that there is not anyone of your friends that would not be there at a moments notice to help out with anything and everything all you have to do is get down off your high horse so to speak and ask. Stop with the stubborn and take a moment and call someone for help hey who knows you might even have fun on the ride or with the packing. LOL I am just up the road and only takes me five minutes to get there so feel free to call if you need a ride or whatever. I would be only too happy to pitch in and help out. And tell officer not so friendly to pick on someone his own size like me for example, I travel with blackmail tactics always a Timmies by my side. ED like I said if you need something call. I am only a call away!! Take care and keep on venting when need be.
Betty K.
Ed, so many people love and adore you just let us be there for you. Your situation makes you feel helpless but don't forget the people that love you the most also feel this way. By letting us in to ease your load gives us a small sense of control. Cancer sucks - nothing would make me happier then to kick it straight in the ass for messing with my Ed ! So although I know it's foreign territory for you - try not to be so damn stubborn and let us in. Ask for help when you need it. Give us a way to give back to you. These dark feelings will pass - you have every right to be pissed ! But don't let it consume you. What's her name needs to get her head outta her ass and drive. Faith, like you said. Your family has enough on their plates right now. I am only a phone call or text away. Call me anytime. Prayers and much love. T
I agree with all that was said from the rest of them on here. Ed, you know that i think your the strongest man i know, and i know you will plow threw this just like everything else you do. You continue to amaze me with what you have done and still do, even with your limitations. As for your ex, she needs a good kick in the head, she only is thinkin of herself and greed has takin over, she should b ashamed of herself, but forget about her and focus on yourself and Faith.
Just like all your other friends said, were only a phone call or text away, swallow that there pride of yours and ASK if you need help with anything you know we will all be there. We'll just have a moving party..lol.
Keep well my friend and i will be seeing you soon.
Netter. :-)
Ed? Quit being your usual stubborn-ass self and ask for help sometimes. It doesn't make you weaker, it makes you stronger because you are allowing people who want to help out to help.
Now... I am offering up me and my pickup truck for moving day - to be clear - I am not offering the help to you...I am offering the help TO YOUR STUFF. Your "stuff" may be able to accept some help?? LOL! Let me know! Theresa J.
Ed wrote "I am by no means trying to slam this person but this is what I deal with."
Ed, the truth is that you just did slam this person and publically to boot and especially since this person is the mother of your child. Maybe your mad at her but regardless, she is still the mother of your child and Faith needs her also regardless of your feelings. What if word gets back to Faith that her dad said not so nice things about her mother or reads the blog herself than what?
I am sure that if an attorney, family counsoler, psychologist etc reads this they would agree that you just made, for the sake of your daughter, a Best Interest NO NO!
In addition, I am sure that you are a good father and are going above and beyond the call of duty, but for your ex to be treating you so badly something doesn't make sense. Is it possible that your doing something to cause her to lash out in anger or to be treating you this way ... ie - Talking down to her, calling her names to her face or behind her back. Treating her with disrespect etc. Or maybe it's the stubbornness that seems to be a common thread to your personality that is causing you some of this grief "hence being your own worst enemy"! Be aware that you may be lowering yourself to someone else's level. To clarify, the above is not intented to stick up for your ex but to get you to see a different side of the coin because you seem to have more on the ball.
Have you ever thought of seeking professional help for you or along with your ex so that you can work out your difference and gain some expert advice on how to prepare Faith for the worst regarding your condition. That would seem to be a pretty good "In the best interest of Faith" approach. There is subsidized help for such things and given your situation maybe there is a professional willing to help you out for free or at a significantly reduced cost.
For the person that made the statement about the F.R.O. they are correct. If you want to change the amount of child support you then you must do it through a court of law and until the original custody agreement is amended you are still accountable to pay the amount originally appointed by the court as it is the only legally recognized document.
I hope that happier days are coming for you.
The person who left the nasty comments about my brother..shut your dam mouth...My brother and I don't see eye to eye on everything,but I will say one thing about him he has a big heart,and he is a Dam good dad..When I was in hospital,he was there every day,I only had to fight for my life for a few month's..My brother has to fight for his life every day...So if you have nothing good to say,then just keep on going..My brother does not need people like you leaving nasty messages..Do u ever think for one moment what ed has to go through never mind what faith's mom has to go through
Nails
There once was a little boy that had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that everytime he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.
The first day the boy had driven 37nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper then to drive those nails into the fence.
Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper.
The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took the son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, "you have done well my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one."
You have so many amazing qualities ... but your ability to anger quickly and lose your patience is your least attractive. If anyone has the right to be bitter you do .... but that's not the way you want to be remembered.
Please think about the nails you use ....... and try to forgive the holes left in your fence. This will bring about much more peace and contentment in your life.
Love, A Friend. (put your hammer away dammit !)xo
I suggest you read" a reason, season and a lifetime" puts things into perspective...........
Ed,
From a social work perspective I agree that bashing a child's parent is not in the best interest of the child. By doing so you are bashing part of the child. In the end all you leave behind are memories; everything else can be destroyed by time. A thought worth considering....
I feel that if you leave a positive or negative comment..you should have the guts to at least sign your name to it! this anonymous crap doesn't really help anyone I think...
Edward is my brother and I love him dearly...I am there for him thru the good and the bad....signed, Karen
Why? So more people's characters can be slammed by a site that is supposed to be of help to people and inspiration? No thanks I would prefer to leave my comments anonymous thanks! Good luck and forge on people! anonymous
This is called a "blog" for a reason...it is Edward's daily ups and downs...not some inspirational site to uplift other people. He has only spoken the truth from DAY 1 on this blog. His struggle is indeed an inspiration to us all....but it can't be rosy and sweet every day, that's life in a nutshell! My brother is the most GENEROUS person I know...if not stupid at times for going above and beyond financially with his daughter's mother. He has NEVER missed a support payment...and I always felt this money went towards Faith's needs. But obviously it did not as he paid for all her dance lessons, soccer training, weekend trips...and the list goes on and on.....but that was his choice as he loves his little girl with all his heart. He was still taking chemo and radiation and still tredged to St. Thomas so that he never missed his weekend with his daughter. Faith's mom never said once don't worry Ed...you're quite ill right now...I'll keep her this weekend..or even since you aren't well..I'll drop her off and pick her up. My brother isn't one to complain...and here he has for the first time and these "Anonymous" rude so-called friends do not want to support him through thick and thin. I am sad for you not my brother. He still lives each day and a time and does quite well getting by and I am so very proud of him for that! well...I guess it runs in the family as I have rambled on and on...but just attempting to make my point! Thanks for listening...
Karen McDade
To the anonymous person that keeps putting Ed down for righting down his true feeling, if you don't like what he has to say, i suggest you keep your opinions to yourself and backoff. You aparently don't know anything about him, and i suggest you stay off his blog as your not welcome here, I think its been made very clear now to you.
Ed my friend, say whatever is on your mind, as it is your right to do so. Keep on keeping on.
Your friend Annette.
The challenges presented to Ed would have made us all want to crawl in a hole long ago. Ed is positive, strong and determined - easily the bravest person I know. Quite frankly I believe his frustrations are well founded and God bless him for being brave enough to say what is in his heart. Most of us meek souls walk around to scared to say what's on our mind - not my Ed ! Keep on doing it your way my friend. I know you will anyways !
Love, Terd xo ( Ed knows who I am )
This is a "Blog".. point being it is a place where a person can vent his daily feelings or frustrations.
Each and every one has his name on it.. If you have a problem with what Ed is saying on it.."DONT READ IT".
If you think you know someone because of what you may have read about them..your on crack.. until you walk in there shoes keep your rude coments to yourself!
Better yet grow a set of balls and leave your name.. or hide in your little closet and act like you know what your talking about.
As fare as I am concerned.. everyone who has left a rude coment on her can kiss my ass!! and in case you would like to take me up on this ill leave my name!!
Al Vigar!!!!
Once again I suggest you read " A Reason, Season and a Lifetime....it will put things into perspective ed!
Dear Ed: It was great reading your Blog. You have all the right to vent, you are been struggling for a long time now and it would be nice if Faith's mother would help you out when you need it the most. As far as the rude comments being made about your blog, don't take any heart to what they are saying. They don't live in your shoes, and if they did, they would be venting just the same. You have a big heart, that I have seen first time and are always willing to help someone else, so don't be afraid to ask for help. You have many friends that love you dearly, just ask and I will be one more friend that is there when you need a ride, to vent, whatever you may need. Keep venting, it's good for the soul...let it out...take care my friend
Teresa Baxter (yes, I've signed my name...)
Hope your feeling better Ed! I know this is a hard time for you and my thoughts and prayers are with you at this time. I am glad you had fun on your trip to Punta Cana! Just wantedt to say at least someone's thoughts are with you in a positve way..miss our chats! I choose to stay anonymous, it's best for certain reasons..hope that is ok with all of you! Take care! Me...
Eddie,
As far as EX's go, looks like you got a winner. Been there, done that, got screwed. I do like the censored version you put on your blog. If I know Ed McDade, there's a whole whack of words you didn't use. :)
Need a ride? Well Brad and I are both in Alberta, so you'll have to give us some advance notice. I'm speaking for Brad here without his consent....but we'll try. Just make the damn call Mr. Stubbornpants!
Dear Anonymous person with the attitude ----take a flying leap. You don't know jack shit about our Eddie. If you have worn Ed's shoes--by all means tell him what you think. If you haven't......
Actually, as I read the comments from Anonymous( that's Swahili for chickenshit--rough translation ) I couldn't help but think that it is your EX....... Maybe.
I've never known Ed McDade to mince words. Keep up the fight buddy. This is your blog. You wanna sling mud...sling away. Truth hurts.
The older Faith gets, the more she finds about the truth. Here she can read all about it.
If you're up for it...it takes 2 to tango. Either one of you can apply to the courts to get support increased or decreased. Ask a lawyer to get the right answer. Your EX would love to get the letter saying support has been reduced due to your health status!!
Has a nice ring doesn't it.
On a brighter note....did you say you went to Punta Cana with a friend? Was it a girl Ed? You didn't mention if the friend was a girl. You went to Punta Cana with a girl didn't you! ! ! !
Good for you!!!!!! I hope you get the chance to go again. You deserve it and I'm sure everybody here agrees. Except chickenshit......I mean Anonymous.
Question: Did the oncologist suspend your license because of the leg? You can get cars outfitted with hand controls. Have you thought of that? No idea on cost. A paraplegic friend of mine has it on his car. He has no feeling from the navel down. Could be worth a try.
Keep the Faith buddy,
Rick Demaray
Cochrane, AB
Dear Ed.....I also agree with everyone else.....you say what needs to be said in your blogs...as for the ex all I can say and I do not know this person is...IT'S ALL IN THE EYE OF GREED !!! Sad, the focus must stay on the money at this time and not on the situation hitting her right in the face...Faith's wonderful Daddy struggling each and every day to pull another day into his life and be positive and hopeful that he sees many more with his little girl....I have one word that best describes her in a nutshell....HEARTLESS !!
Stay well my friend, all the best your in my thoughts and prayers.
I, too will sign my name....
Dianne Bell :)
Who else can do what Ed has done and still look sexy doing it !
Terd xo
Love you and miss you and don't care who knows it.
Terd.
I have followed your blog from almost the very start. I actually look forward to reading it and when time passes that you dont place an entry, I start to get worried. I understand your need for venting, as I do it daily but as for your driving.... I found that hard to try to understand. You have to stop and think of the other ppl on the road and most of all... Faith. There is a whole lot of assholes out there and its THEM you need to watch out for but the question is.... are they paying attention to what they are doing??? As for you ex.. maybe we can hook my exhubby up with her cause they both total JERKS!!!!!!!! Hang tough there Ed... you are totally one of a kind .... the strong one and we should all take lessons from you and make ourselves a better person! Looking forward to your next entry and wishing you all the best in your move! A cami girl!
Ed, I know a bit of your feeling's and I don't blame you one damn bit. If you feel like chatting... MSN me
I'm not " Anonymous"
Don.. T/L Chassis 55
I am really glad that you are letting it all out there the good and the bad. It seems quite easy for some anonymous people to read this blog as long as you don't show every side. Well too bad for them. I appreciate your candor an honesty.Keep it up!
Jake Petersgrappin
Glad to hear you ar still kickin...I was worried.
Ex's are just that for a reason,....(personal experience)
As Faith gets older she will see what each of her parents were/are like and she will KNOW...(again personal experience)
Blogs are for the person writing them and the select few that are interested in what you have to say....if they are not interested they should not read.
Always thinking the best for you ....Lisa
wow Ed I haven't read your blog for awhile and I'm sorry that in the midst of all you have had to go through you have to deal with people who have no idea saying ridiculous comments. "from a social workers point of view'' got to me as I've never met a social worker that didn't love to spout their "book" knowledge" when they no doubt have no personal experience to speak of regarding many of the topics that they stick their noses in.We would all love to be "perfect people and live in a "perfect" world but most of us are doing the best that we can andI think you are doing better for sure than I ever could so I am happy to see you vent your anger or sadness or anything you are feeling because that is the healthy thing to do.
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