I thought the following e-mail I received was totally worthy of posting. Good words to live by :)
A Dog's Purpose from a 6 year old.
Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog's owners, Ron,his wife, Lisa,and their little boy, Shane, were all very attached to Belker. I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn't do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for six-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience.The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker's family surrounded him.
Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away.
The little boy seemed to accept Belker's transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after Belker's death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives. Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, 'I know why.'Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I'd never heard a more comforting explanation. He said, 'People are born so that they can learn how to live a goodlife-- like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?' The six-year-old continued, 'Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long. 'Please pause a moment and consider to....
Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly.
Remember, if a dog was the teacher you would learn things like:
1. When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
2. Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
3. Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure
ecstasy.
4. Take naps.
5. Stretch before rising.
6. Run, romp, and play daily.
7. Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
8. Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
9. On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.
10. On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.
11. When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
12. Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
13. Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had enough.
14. Be loyal. Never pretend to be something you're not.
15. If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
16. When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and
nuzzle them gently
17. Be always grateful for each new day.
ENJOY EVERY MOMENT OF EVERY DAY !!!
Ed
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Monday, September 22, 2008
Friday's Appt
Hello my friends :
Here's an update from Friday's Cancer Clinic appt:
- not going to start any new chemo at this point to allow my body to heal more
- detailed pathology report showed most of mass removed was dead brain matter (from radiation undoubtedly) with some cancerous cells intermingled
- Will schedule an MRI in approx. one month
- Return visit to see Dr.MacDonald in one month to review status
- Edema in feet and ankles undoubtedly caused by medications, continue to wear compression stockings for relief
In a nutshell, its the waiting game again. There is tumour activity going on in there but the gang of them have not come together to form a big enough mass to be dealt with. The edema is really taking a toll on my feet and ankles. I've found that if I put my work boots on early enough in the day, I'm good to go. Otherwise, there are no other shoes that I can get on my feet. I haven't even been able to find a decent pair of slippers that have enough give to accomodate the swelling.
I took Faith and one of her friend's camping this past weekend (thank you for the use of your trailer Kim!) and we had a great time. I was able to relax somewhat and the girls were able to explore the park (all the while in contact with me via 2-way radios of course!)
My sleep pattern seems to be improving a little. I'm sure this is in part, due to the lesser amount of chemo in my body. (did you know that chemo stays in your body for 6-12 months?)
Not having much luck with the booking of Disney on-line by myself so I think I'll hand it over to the local travel agency and let them take care of it. Wow, I'm actually resigning to the fact that I CAN'T do everything by myself!! ;) On that note, I am going to try my best to utilize the cane more because my walking is getting more and more difficult lately.
Thats about it for now...I'm knee deep in paperwork still so I'de better get to it!
Thank you for all the mail and well wishes :)
Love
Ed
Here's an update from Friday's Cancer Clinic appt:
- not going to start any new chemo at this point to allow my body to heal more
- detailed pathology report showed most of mass removed was dead brain matter (from radiation undoubtedly) with some cancerous cells intermingled
- Will schedule an MRI in approx. one month
- Return visit to see Dr.MacDonald in one month to review status
- Edema in feet and ankles undoubtedly caused by medications, continue to wear compression stockings for relief
In a nutshell, its the waiting game again. There is tumour activity going on in there but the gang of them have not come together to form a big enough mass to be dealt with. The edema is really taking a toll on my feet and ankles. I've found that if I put my work boots on early enough in the day, I'm good to go. Otherwise, there are no other shoes that I can get on my feet. I haven't even been able to find a decent pair of slippers that have enough give to accomodate the swelling.
I took Faith and one of her friend's camping this past weekend (thank you for the use of your trailer Kim!) and we had a great time. I was able to relax somewhat and the girls were able to explore the park (all the while in contact with me via 2-way radios of course!)
My sleep pattern seems to be improving a little. I'm sure this is in part, due to the lesser amount of chemo in my body. (did you know that chemo stays in your body for 6-12 months?)
Not having much luck with the booking of Disney on-line by myself so I think I'll hand it over to the local travel agency and let them take care of it. Wow, I'm actually resigning to the fact that I CAN'T do everything by myself!! ;) On that note, I am going to try my best to utilize the cane more because my walking is getting more and more difficult lately.
Thats about it for now...I'm knee deep in paperwork still so I'de better get to it!
Thank you for all the mail and well wishes :)
Love
Ed
Thursday, September 18, 2008
September 18/2008
Good morning to you all:
Well its been an eventful couple of weeks since my last post. Most recently, I've developed "pitting edema" in both my lower legs/ankles and feet. For those of you unaware of this condition (as I was) Edema is observable swelling from fluid accumulation in body tissues. Edema most commonly occurs in the feet and legs, where it is referred to as peripheral edema. The swelling is the result of the accumulation of excess fluid under the skin in the spaces within the tissues. All tissues of the body are made up of cells and connective tissues that hold the cells together. This connective tissue around the cells and blood vessels is known as the interstitium. Most of the body's fluids that are found outside of the cells are normally stored in two spaces; the blood vessels (as the "liquid" or serum portion of your blood) and the interstitial spaces (not within the cells). In various diseases, excess fluid can accumulate in either one or both of these compartments.
The body's organs have interstitial spaces where fluid can accumulate. An accumulation of fluid in the interstitial air spaces (alveoli) in the lungs occurs in a disorder called pulmonary edema. In addition, excess fluid sometimes collects in what is called the third space, which includes cavities in the abdomen (abdominal or peritoneal cavity - called "ascites") or in the chest (lung or pleural cavity - called "pleural effusion"). Anasarca refers to the severe, widespread accumulation of fluid in the all of the tissues and cavities of the body at the same time.
What is pitting edema and how does it differ from non-pitting edema?
Pitting edema can be demonstrated by applying pressure to the swollen area by depressing the skin with a finger. If the pressing causes an indentation that persists for some time after the release of the pressure, the edema is referred to as pitting edema. Any form of pressure, such as from the elastic in socks, can induce pitting with this type of edema.
In non-pitting edema, which usually affects the legs or arms, pressure that is applied to the skin does not result in a persistent indentation. Non-pitting edema can occur in certain disorders of the lymphatic system such as lymphedema, which is a disturbance of the lymphatic circulation that may occur after a mastectomy, lymph node surgery, or congenitally. Another cause of non-pitting edema of the legs is called pretibial myxedema, which is a swelling over the shin that occurs in some patients with hyperthyroidism. Non-pitting edema of the legs is difficult to treat. Diuretic medications are generally not effective, although elevation of the legs periodically during the day and compressive devices may reduce the swelling.
The focus of the rest of this article is on pitting edema, as it is by far the most common form of edema.
So yeah, in a nutshell, I have been fitted with compresssion stockings to hopefully force the fluid back up through the body and out through the normal route of release. You don't even know what sexy is until you've seen me in these black stockings! UGH!!
On a positive note, I am flying out to Calgary on Sept 27th for 8 days to visit my ex-military friends. Brad Norman and his family have graciously opened thier home for me to stay at while I am there. I am very much looking forward to seeing some old frinds and being able to thank them in person for the contributions both in fund-raising as well as the work they did with Westjet to get us 3 complimentary return flights to Florida or California.
To top off this good news, I was/am to travel with a very dear friend of mine who has been very supportive of me throughout this whole cancer mess.
Cathy V. totally surprised me yesterday by telling me that her, along with her boyfriend, had paid for my airfare to Calgary. Cathy had intended on travelling to Calgary to visit her son,his wife-to-be and thier beautiful new baby and asked if I was still interested in going and did I want someone to travel with. Once again, people's true colours come shining through and in this case, I am ever so grateful to both of them.
In regards to my health status, I have been experiencing a number of headaches still since my last surgery and after looking at my dexamethazone (anti-swelling med for the brain) weaning schedule, all my headaches appear to coincide with when I've reduced my intake of this drug. That being said, twice now my home-care nurse has consulted with my surgeon's nurse and have increased the dosage of this steroid back to its previous level and subsequently, my headaches subsided. To me, this equates to one of two things. Either there is still substantial swelling in and around my brain that requires intervention OR the weaning schedule was too agressive for my brain to cope with.
Hopefully I will have some answers to this and other questions when I return to the Cancer Clinic this Friday for a 3pm appointment.
My options at this point (to my knowledge) and as written in the last medical report states: "There is no further role for radiotherapy.(radiation) Further chemotherapy would be considered but the platelet count needs to improve. Options for chemotherapy include changing the Temozolomide schedule to a longer schedule, either a 21 day each, 28 day schedule or a continuous daily schedule.Alternatively, Lomustine (CCNU) could be tried. Neither treatment is guaranteed to produce a response. I outlined the common concerns regarding myelosuppression and other toxicity with these treatments."
Myelosuppression is a decrease in the production of blood cells. Normal blood contains large numbers of cells, including red blood cells to carry oxygen and white blood cells to fight infections. The blood also contains platelets, tiny cell fragments that initiate blood clotting. These cells and fragments are made in the bone marrow, a reddish substance found in the centers of some bones. Healthy bone marrow makes large numbers of red blood cells, white blood cells, and platelets each day to replace those that wear out. In myelosuppression, the bone marrow makes too few of these cells.
Yesterday I also met with Joel and Paul Davies Sr for lunch. I haven't seen Joel since we were kids! What a blast from the past that was. They were kind enough to bring along some childhood pictures of us all on our 7 day canoe trip in Algonquin Park. Boy, did that ever bring back some memories!!
I will update you all of the Friday appointment results via this blog and/oer e-mail.
Thank you all for everything :)
Sincerely,
Ed
Well its been an eventful couple of weeks since my last post. Most recently, I've developed "pitting edema" in both my lower legs/ankles and feet. For those of you unaware of this condition (as I was) Edema is observable swelling from fluid accumulation in body tissues. Edema most commonly occurs in the feet and legs, where it is referred to as peripheral edema. The swelling is the result of the accumulation of excess fluid under the skin in the spaces within the tissues. All tissues of the body are made up of cells and connective tissues that hold the cells together. This connective tissue around the cells and blood vessels is known as the interstitium. Most of the body's fluids that are found outside of the cells are normally stored in two spaces; the blood vessels (as the "liquid" or serum portion of your blood) and the interstitial spaces (not within the cells). In various diseases, excess fluid can accumulate in either one or both of these compartments.
The body's organs have interstitial spaces where fluid can accumulate. An accumulation of fluid in the interstitial air spaces (alveoli) in the lungs occurs in a disorder called pulmonary edema. In addition, excess fluid sometimes collects in what is called the third space, which includes cavities in the abdomen (abdominal or peritoneal cavity - called "ascites") or in the chest (lung or pleural cavity - called "pleural effusion"). Anasarca refers to the severe, widespread accumulation of fluid in the all of the tissues and cavities of the body at the same time.
What is pitting edema and how does it differ from non-pitting edema?
Pitting edema can be demonstrated by applying pressure to the swollen area by depressing the skin with a finger. If the pressing causes an indentation that persists for some time after the release of the pressure, the edema is referred to as pitting edema. Any form of pressure, such as from the elastic in socks, can induce pitting with this type of edema.
In non-pitting edema, which usually affects the legs or arms, pressure that is applied to the skin does not result in a persistent indentation. Non-pitting edema can occur in certain disorders of the lymphatic system such as lymphedema, which is a disturbance of the lymphatic circulation that may occur after a mastectomy, lymph node surgery, or congenitally. Another cause of non-pitting edema of the legs is called pretibial myxedema, which is a swelling over the shin that occurs in some patients with hyperthyroidism. Non-pitting edema of the legs is difficult to treat. Diuretic medications are generally not effective, although elevation of the legs periodically during the day and compressive devices may reduce the swelling.
The focus of the rest of this article is on pitting edema, as it is by far the most common form of edema.
So yeah, in a nutshell, I have been fitted with compresssion stockings to hopefully force the fluid back up through the body and out through the normal route of release. You don't even know what sexy is until you've seen me in these black stockings! UGH!!
On a positive note, I am flying out to Calgary on Sept 27th for 8 days to visit my ex-military friends. Brad Norman and his family have graciously opened thier home for me to stay at while I am there. I am very much looking forward to seeing some old frinds and being able to thank them in person for the contributions both in fund-raising as well as the work they did with Westjet to get us 3 complimentary return flights to Florida or California.
To top off this good news, I was/am to travel with a very dear friend of mine who has been very supportive of me throughout this whole cancer mess.
Cathy V. totally surprised me yesterday by telling me that her, along with her boyfriend, had paid for my airfare to Calgary. Cathy had intended on travelling to Calgary to visit her son,his wife-to-be and thier beautiful new baby and asked if I was still interested in going and did I want someone to travel with. Once again, people's true colours come shining through and in this case, I am ever so grateful to both of them.
In regards to my health status, I have been experiencing a number of headaches still since my last surgery and after looking at my dexamethazone (anti-swelling med for the brain) weaning schedule, all my headaches appear to coincide with when I've reduced my intake of this drug. That being said, twice now my home-care nurse has consulted with my surgeon's nurse and have increased the dosage of this steroid back to its previous level and subsequently, my headaches subsided. To me, this equates to one of two things. Either there is still substantial swelling in and around my brain that requires intervention OR the weaning schedule was too agressive for my brain to cope with.
Hopefully I will have some answers to this and other questions when I return to the Cancer Clinic this Friday for a 3pm appointment.
My options at this point (to my knowledge) and as written in the last medical report states: "There is no further role for radiotherapy.(radiation) Further chemotherapy would be considered but the platelet count needs to improve. Options for chemotherapy include changing the Temozolomide schedule to a longer schedule, either a 21 day each, 28 day schedule or a continuous daily schedule.Alternatively, Lomustine (CCNU) could be tried. Neither treatment is guaranteed to produce a response. I outlined the common concerns regarding myelosuppression and other toxicity with these treatments."
Myelosuppression is a decrease in the production of blood cells. Normal blood contains large numbers of cells, including red blood cells to carry oxygen and white blood cells to fight infections. The blood also contains platelets, tiny cell fragments that initiate blood clotting. These cells and fragments are made in the bone marrow, a reddish substance found in the centers of some bones. Healthy bone marrow makes large numbers of red blood cells, white blood cells, and platelets each day to replace those that wear out. In myelosuppression, the bone marrow makes too few of these cells.
Yesterday I also met with Joel and Paul Davies Sr for lunch. I haven't seen Joel since we were kids! What a blast from the past that was. They were kind enough to bring along some childhood pictures of us all on our 7 day canoe trip in Algonquin Park. Boy, did that ever bring back some memories!!
I will update you all of the Friday appointment results via this blog and/oer e-mail.
Thank you all for everything :)
Sincerely,
Ed
Friday, September 12, 2008
Update Sept 12/2008
Good morning 3am!
Well I've managed over the past few nights to actually get more than 3 or 4 hours sleep. The sad part of it is, is that it has either been on a Saturday night while I'm supposed to be entertaining friends that came over to watch a UFC PPV or during the middle of a telephone conversation! lol I knew I'd crash hard, it was just a matter of when. That being said, this morning it was 2:45am when I first crawled out of bed.
So my stitches came out this week without issue. The big horse-shoe shped incision seems to be healing well. I've had a constant headache ever since surgery. I finally gave in 2 days ago and called my surgeon's office to see if this was normal. My thoughts were that yes, this was normal due to swelling around the brain from such an intrusive surgery. The nurse agreed with me and we have decided to slow up on my weaning schelule of Dexamethazone. This is a steroid used to combat swelling around the brain due to tumour activity and/or surgery. So hopefully within a day or two my headaches will go away or at least become bearable.
I'm now having problems with my feet/ankles being extremely swollen. This has just started over the past couple of days so I think I'd better make another call to the doctor. Another side effect of the chemo and radiation I "think" I'm beginning to notice is failing kidneys. Without confirmation yet, and just my own gut feelings, I feel like I'm beginning to have issues in that department. I can no longer "hold it" like most of us males can, and unfortunately, have had a few "accidents" along the way. Its not even embarrassing now, its just such a letdown. I'll obviously be reviewing this with my Oncologist when I see him on the 19th.
When it rains, it pours I guess! (no pee pun intended) lol
Before I forget, I want to thank the following people for helping me get fat:
Cathy V.
Betty from work
Rob E. (former Cami employee)
My Mom
My sister Shirley
All these wonderful people have graciously brought me food on at least one occasion and I thank you and any others I may have neglected to mention from the bottom of my heart :) Now can someone just help me with my Jenny Craig sign-up sheet!!
Today, I am off to "Truppe" in Lambeth to hopefully start the fitting process for a custom AFO (ankle /foot orthotic) that will hopefully stop or at least lessen my ankle turning and reduce the amount of "drop foot" I have. With my left foot dragging the way it does, I can no longer sneak up on anyone. You can hear me coming from a mile away!
Yesterday, I recieved in the mail, a cheque in the amount of $2,900.00 to go toward the Disney Dream from the "Old Guard" of my former Military Regiment "Lord Strathconas Horse (Royal Canadian). This is the resutlt of alot of hard work by my former comrade turned cop, Brad Norman. Brad championed at least 2 fund-raising efforts on my behalf in Calgary, where I was stationed during my term in the Canadian Armed Forces. Love ya man!
Until next time.....
Cheers,
Ed
Well I've managed over the past few nights to actually get more than 3 or 4 hours sleep. The sad part of it is, is that it has either been on a Saturday night while I'm supposed to be entertaining friends that came over to watch a UFC PPV or during the middle of a telephone conversation! lol I knew I'd crash hard, it was just a matter of when. That being said, this morning it was 2:45am when I first crawled out of bed.
So my stitches came out this week without issue. The big horse-shoe shped incision seems to be healing well. I've had a constant headache ever since surgery. I finally gave in 2 days ago and called my surgeon's office to see if this was normal. My thoughts were that yes, this was normal due to swelling around the brain from such an intrusive surgery. The nurse agreed with me and we have decided to slow up on my weaning schelule of Dexamethazone. This is a steroid used to combat swelling around the brain due to tumour activity and/or surgery. So hopefully within a day or two my headaches will go away or at least become bearable.
I'm now having problems with my feet/ankles being extremely swollen. This has just started over the past couple of days so I think I'd better make another call to the doctor. Another side effect of the chemo and radiation I "think" I'm beginning to notice is failing kidneys. Without confirmation yet, and just my own gut feelings, I feel like I'm beginning to have issues in that department. I can no longer "hold it" like most of us males can, and unfortunately, have had a few "accidents" along the way. Its not even embarrassing now, its just such a letdown. I'll obviously be reviewing this with my Oncologist when I see him on the 19th.
When it rains, it pours I guess! (no pee pun intended) lol
Before I forget, I want to thank the following people for helping me get fat:
Cathy V.
Betty from work
Rob E. (former Cami employee)
My Mom
My sister Shirley
All these wonderful people have graciously brought me food on at least one occasion and I thank you and any others I may have neglected to mention from the bottom of my heart :) Now can someone just help me with my Jenny Craig sign-up sheet!!
Today, I am off to "Truppe" in Lambeth to hopefully start the fitting process for a custom AFO (ankle /foot orthotic) that will hopefully stop or at least lessen my ankle turning and reduce the amount of "drop foot" I have. With my left foot dragging the way it does, I can no longer sneak up on anyone. You can hear me coming from a mile away!
Yesterday, I recieved in the mail, a cheque in the amount of $2,900.00 to go toward the Disney Dream from the "Old Guard" of my former Military Regiment "Lord Strathconas Horse (Royal Canadian). This is the resutlt of alot of hard work by my former comrade turned cop, Brad Norman. Brad championed at least 2 fund-raising efforts on my behalf in Calgary, where I was stationed during my term in the Canadian Armed Forces. Love ya man!
Until next time.....
Cheers,
Ed
Saturday, September 6, 2008
3am, we really have to stop this!
Good early morning
Am I surprised....no, but I can dream right? One of these days I will hopefully be able to peek out of one eye to see the blur of a digital 7:00am on the alarm clock and just grin to myself saying "yeah, now THATS what I'm talkin' about!!"
So yeah, I too watched the "star-studded" Cancer Fundraiser the held on the 3 major television networks last night. I don't know about you but I was more astounded by the facts that flew across the screen on just how many people are actually touched by cancer, whether it be personally or otherwise. I truly hope it was an eye opener for for alot of Canadians and Americans.
So its now been about 11 days since my surgery. Overall I still feel pretty good with the exception of some concentrated headaches around the "war zone". I've been keeping track of them in my activity book and will talk with the Doc if they continue over 2 weeks. I started to let my hair grow in a bit now due to the stitches etc. Its coming in almost BLACK!!! (not to mention the occasional grey hair my buddy Al reminds me of. Dork!
So yeah, needless to say, my sister Karen was over the other day and I armed her with my electric trimmer and asked her to get busy on removing that hair! So yes, I'm back down to baring it all again now. Smooth as as baby's bum. Oh wait, I don't have diaper rash do I? ;)
My medications have been adjusted a fair bit since surgery and I think I'm beginning to notice some of the effects...my hands are very shaky right now, my walking is a little more sloppy right now and I just feel "different" overall. (thats right.....insert your "different" joke here folks)
I've been doing some Disney thinking lately. My friend Scott suggested that it might be a good idea to split the week up doing 3 days at Disney and then the 4 day Disney Cruise. I think it would be a great way to accomplish my goal for Faith and to also give her that little bit extra to remember. Thanks Scotty, why didn't I think of this????? :)
My apologies if my last post seemed a little blunt and maybe even crass? I think after coming out of the second surgery, my emotions, views and outlook were a little scattered. Not sure why, maybe it was just the fact that I felt like that last fight (surgery) was just barely won by me and that I can do better. I cannot and will not lie to any of you....I guess I'm just that little bit more nervous of the future now. One day at a time though....thats all I ask for, just one more day :)
With love to you all......
me
Am I surprised....no, but I can dream right? One of these days I will hopefully be able to peek out of one eye to see the blur of a digital 7:00am on the alarm clock and just grin to myself saying "yeah, now THATS what I'm talkin' about!!"
So yeah, I too watched the "star-studded" Cancer Fundraiser the held on the 3 major television networks last night. I don't know about you but I was more astounded by the facts that flew across the screen on just how many people are actually touched by cancer, whether it be personally or otherwise. I truly hope it was an eye opener for for alot of Canadians and Americans.
So its now been about 11 days since my surgery. Overall I still feel pretty good with the exception of some concentrated headaches around the "war zone". I've been keeping track of them in my activity book and will talk with the Doc if they continue over 2 weeks. I started to let my hair grow in a bit now due to the stitches etc. Its coming in almost BLACK!!! (not to mention the occasional grey hair my buddy Al reminds me of. Dork!
So yeah, needless to say, my sister Karen was over the other day and I armed her with my electric trimmer and asked her to get busy on removing that hair! So yes, I'm back down to baring it all again now. Smooth as as baby's bum. Oh wait, I don't have diaper rash do I? ;)
My medications have been adjusted a fair bit since surgery and I think I'm beginning to notice some of the effects...my hands are very shaky right now, my walking is a little more sloppy right now and I just feel "different" overall. (thats right.....insert your "different" joke here folks)
I've been doing some Disney thinking lately. My friend Scott suggested that it might be a good idea to split the week up doing 3 days at Disney and then the 4 day Disney Cruise. I think it would be a great way to accomplish my goal for Faith and to also give her that little bit extra to remember. Thanks Scotty, why didn't I think of this????? :)
My apologies if my last post seemed a little blunt and maybe even crass? I think after coming out of the second surgery, my emotions, views and outlook were a little scattered. Not sure why, maybe it was just the fact that I felt like that last fight (surgery) was just barely won by me and that I can do better. I cannot and will not lie to any of you....I guess I'm just that little bit more nervous of the future now. One day at a time though....thats all I ask for, just one more day :)
With love to you all......
me
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
50th Post
So according to the website, this is my 50th post so far. So fifty times, I have laid out my story to whomever cared to peruse "My Life with Cancer"....as written by an amateur with little to no experience in writing other than when I was a kid writing love letters to the girls in school! Maybe I should write for the Tillsonburg News to help fill up their paper!?
Writing the blog has been very therapeutic for me. For anyone who knows me on a personal level, they'd tell you that I am a very quiet, no nonsense kind of person who shows little emotion or compassion. That has been me for 40 years on this earth....to the outside world anyways. I can only hope that this event in my life has taught me to express a little more "emotion, "compassion" and other things that I've kept bottled up over the years. I think we all have to remember that "God never promised us tomorrow" so make the best of what you have today and make sure you let those close to you know exactly how you feel about them. For that matter, those who've pis*ed you off in the past and you've just let it slide....let them know too! Let them know that it hurt when they did that, said that or whatever. I'd sooner have someone tell me that I ticked them off rather than me to go around thinking that all is good and I've done no wrong. ( Oh I hear the line-up at my door now!!)
Ok, I just fell off my soapbox so now let me ramble on about Cancer stuff. Its been one week now since surgery #2 to remove yet another lemon-sized tumour from my brain and I have to say that I don't know how, whether it be the stubborn Scotsman in me or by the grace of God, but I've pulled it off once again. In and out of the hospital in 3 days feeling "almost" like a million bucks. Whatever it is that allows me to regain my strength so fast and recover so quickly, dammit I wish I could bottle it and give it to those who aren't nearly as lucky as me.
I want to thank everyone who respected my wishes to have a quiet weekend at home this past weekend. I truly needed that. It turned out being a very sullen weekend due to some events that transpired but none the less, thank you again. In a nutshell, I guess you could say that I've taken back ownership of being my own guardian angel. I will allow you to take that and run with it as you may.
My leg is still worse than prior to surgery. The doc says it would be normal for this to happen but I guess I need to ask the question of "but for how long"? My left leg severely drags now and I am wearing through too many shoes dammit! I have now been told to seek a custom-made orthotic for my lower leg and ankle....anyone know of any good "fitters"?? The sooner the better I guess because I'm tired of looking behind me waiting for my leg to catch up!! I received a stack of medical reports yesterday regarding me that I have to send off to Canada Pension Disability. I got a little down in the dumps after reading the last report from my LRCC cancer doctor stating that this is a non-curable cancer and we are just now concentrating on what we can do to maintain quality of life before he requires more in-home care and eventually permanent hospitalization. Those comments hit home pretty hard. I guess I have always known in the back of my head that those eventualities could come, I just never expected to see them written on paper with my name at the top of it. So yeah, its time for me to get busy with my recovery and get Faith to her little fantasyland. I'm thinking it may be time for me to start that bucket list. There is no time like the present and I need to learn to grasp each opportunity instead of putting it off until tomorrow.
They have decided to now try to reduce my steroid medication gradually now also. This med is what controls the brain swelling. As of yesterday, I am now down to 2 of these pills a day compared to my normal of 3. Its a gradual thing that will last until early October at which point I will be taking none hopefully. Hopefully I will only see "good" side effects coming off this drug and not some of the scary ones. I've asked a couple of close friends to tap me on the shoulder if they see me getting all whackked or anything.
I have a follow-up appt for the surgery in early October and I'll be heading back to the drawing table at the London Regional Cancer Clinic in a week or two to see what the next "plan" may be.
I am working away at getting caught up on my e-mail so please don't think I'm ignoring anyone....I'm just one guy though, with 9.5 fingers remember! ;)
Thanks for listening and caring...
Love
Ed
Writing the blog has been very therapeutic for me. For anyone who knows me on a personal level, they'd tell you that I am a very quiet, no nonsense kind of person who shows little emotion or compassion. That has been me for 40 years on this earth....to the outside world anyways. I can only hope that this event in my life has taught me to express a little more "emotion, "compassion" and other things that I've kept bottled up over the years. I think we all have to remember that "God never promised us tomorrow" so make the best of what you have today and make sure you let those close to you know exactly how you feel about them. For that matter, those who've pis*ed you off in the past and you've just let it slide....let them know too! Let them know that it hurt when they did that, said that or whatever. I'd sooner have someone tell me that I ticked them off rather than me to go around thinking that all is good and I've done no wrong. ( Oh I hear the line-up at my door now!!)
Ok, I just fell off my soapbox so now let me ramble on about Cancer stuff. Its been one week now since surgery #2 to remove yet another lemon-sized tumour from my brain and I have to say that I don't know how, whether it be the stubborn Scotsman in me or by the grace of God, but I've pulled it off once again. In and out of the hospital in 3 days feeling "almost" like a million bucks. Whatever it is that allows me to regain my strength so fast and recover so quickly, dammit I wish I could bottle it and give it to those who aren't nearly as lucky as me.
I want to thank everyone who respected my wishes to have a quiet weekend at home this past weekend. I truly needed that. It turned out being a very sullen weekend due to some events that transpired but none the less, thank you again. In a nutshell, I guess you could say that I've taken back ownership of being my own guardian angel. I will allow you to take that and run with it as you may.
My leg is still worse than prior to surgery. The doc says it would be normal for this to happen but I guess I need to ask the question of "but for how long"? My left leg severely drags now and I am wearing through too many shoes dammit! I have now been told to seek a custom-made orthotic for my lower leg and ankle....anyone know of any good "fitters"?? The sooner the better I guess because I'm tired of looking behind me waiting for my leg to catch up!! I received a stack of medical reports yesterday regarding me that I have to send off to Canada Pension Disability. I got a little down in the dumps after reading the last report from my LRCC cancer doctor stating that this is a non-curable cancer and we are just now concentrating on what we can do to maintain quality of life before he requires more in-home care and eventually permanent hospitalization. Those comments hit home pretty hard. I guess I have always known in the back of my head that those eventualities could come, I just never expected to see them written on paper with my name at the top of it. So yeah, its time for me to get busy with my recovery and get Faith to her little fantasyland. I'm thinking it may be time for me to start that bucket list. There is no time like the present and I need to learn to grasp each opportunity instead of putting it off until tomorrow.
They have decided to now try to reduce my steroid medication gradually now also. This med is what controls the brain swelling. As of yesterday, I am now down to 2 of these pills a day compared to my normal of 3. Its a gradual thing that will last until early October at which point I will be taking none hopefully. Hopefully I will only see "good" side effects coming off this drug and not some of the scary ones. I've asked a couple of close friends to tap me on the shoulder if they see me getting all whackked or anything.
I have a follow-up appt for the surgery in early October and I'll be heading back to the drawing table at the London Regional Cancer Clinic in a week or two to see what the next "plan" may be.
I am working away at getting caught up on my e-mail so please don't think I'm ignoring anyone....I'm just one guy though, with 9.5 fingers remember! ;)
Thanks for listening and caring...
Love
Ed
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