Well it could be much worse, it could be Monday and SNOW!!! When I awoke at 3:40am today, I was pleasantly surprised to hear the sound of the rain outside. I like the rains this time of year because they seem to wash away the Winter grime and provide us with a fresh base to begin the Spring season with. With any luck, the rains will wash away all of our Winter blues as well and make us all think of that "fresh start" we've been given for the year. Run with that comment however you see fit, whether its your personal life, your job or any other goal you've been putting off. There is no time like the present. (to steal a quote: "They call it a present because it is a GIFT")
Ok, I'm done with the sappy stuff now ;) Another early morning for me, chugging along on about 3.5 hrs sleep. I'm not even sure how I do it anymore.....but I do! I still find the ways and means to help the people in my life that are important to me. Some of you may think that's just outright DUMB, to be doing that in my condition, and normally I'd agree. Thing is, its those small things that I'm still able to do that make me feel good inside. If I can make someone else's life just a little less stressful or complicated, I will. That is the stuff that makes ME happy. I agree that my rest is important too but there is no better medicine than feeling good right!?
Well its down to 2 treatments after today. I am very much looking forward to it. I'll miss talking to the other patients at the Clinic.....its always nice to share stories with someone who has rode the same bull as you. I had the opportunity to talk to a lady in her mid-forties last week who was on the last couple of days of treatment for breast cancer. She could have been a runway model and I know that she took alot of pride in her appearance. This woman was absolutely over-joyed that her results were positive and that she was almost done her treatments. You could have turned the lights out in the clinic that day because she was emanating enough sunshine to light up that whole hospital. Its the victories like that, which I have witnessed, that fuel up my own tank to keep pushing onward:)
I received another beautiful card yesterday from a close family friend's daughter and husband (Michele and Con) that contained a contribution to the "Disney Fund" which was totally shocking to me. Just to know that people over the years may drift apart but in trying times, they are there is a heartbeat. I'm not even talking about the contribution either, just receiving the card meant so much. I do however, thank you from the bottom of my heart for both. When Faith is old enough to comprehend all of this, I want her to know what an important part all of my family, friends and co-workers played in helping to give her and I the best memories imaginable.
Whenever I am finished with this blog stuff, I plan I getting it printed off in some kind of nice format, to give to my daughter to help her in remembering the kindness that people have shown both of us. With any luck, she'll be in a position to pay it forward at some point during her long life :) (Daddy will be watching Faith so make me proud)
That little girl is the shining star in my life. (yep, the tears are flowing now and the damned sun isn't even up!)
Until next time....
Ed
Monday, March 31, 2008
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Up at the crack of stupid on a Sunday!! grrrrr
Good morning to all of you people who are undoubtedly still snuggled in your warm beds!! Yep, I'm jealous alright!! Well it looks like Spring may FINALLY be here. Not a minute too soon either! I'm sure we are ALL sick and tired of the winter. Spring brings with it that beating sunlight that you could just close your eyes and bask in for hours. (even if it means behind the windblock of your fronf window!)
I received an e-mail yesterday from a guy that was totally unexpected. Guess it goes to show you that you just really don't know people and how personable they can be outside of work etc. Oh and to clarify, yes it was a very positive e-mail :)
Three more treatments to go!!!! I can't wait!! At this point I have to honestly say that it sickens me just going into the Radiation Treatment Room. The once simple smell of the plastic mask that I have to wear has now turned into the most pungent of odours. With your face trapped in that mask and buckled to the treatment table, there is no escape from it either. I now know the whole procedure inside and out, from the beginning to end, including all the little noises the machine makes and at what point during the process. I do believe I will be having a little "mask-burning party" once I am done on Wednesday. So if you hear some hooting and hollering, no worries, its just me saying goodbye and good riddance to my mask.
Ran into Heather S. the other day. She looked amazing I have to say. She said the same about me but in our heads I'm sure we were both thinking "yea, but you know my pain inside!!!"
So I have 2 MRI's scheduled now. The first one being on Saturday April 5th in Hamilton and the next being April 23rd I believe in London. I'm thinking the Hamilton one is to review the still present "large herniated disc" in my neck to see if it is feasible to operate during my month off of treatment. The second MRI will be to see the status of the brain tumour. So yes, more of the waiting game.
Ok, enough for now....
Have a great Sunday, its supposed to be +7 degrees out there today. Get out and breathe in that fresh air and feel the warmth of the sun of your face.
With love and gratitude to all of you,
me
I received an e-mail yesterday from a guy that was totally unexpected. Guess it goes to show you that you just really don't know people and how personable they can be outside of work etc. Oh and to clarify, yes it was a very positive e-mail :)
Three more treatments to go!!!! I can't wait!! At this point I have to honestly say that it sickens me just going into the Radiation Treatment Room. The once simple smell of the plastic mask that I have to wear has now turned into the most pungent of odours. With your face trapped in that mask and buckled to the treatment table, there is no escape from it either. I now know the whole procedure inside and out, from the beginning to end, including all the little noises the machine makes and at what point during the process. I do believe I will be having a little "mask-burning party" once I am done on Wednesday. So if you hear some hooting and hollering, no worries, its just me saying goodbye and good riddance to my mask.
Ran into Heather S. the other day. She looked amazing I have to say. She said the same about me but in our heads I'm sure we were both thinking "yea, but you know my pain inside!!!"
So I have 2 MRI's scheduled now. The first one being on Saturday April 5th in Hamilton and the next being April 23rd I believe in London. I'm thinking the Hamilton one is to review the still present "large herniated disc" in my neck to see if it is feasible to operate during my month off of treatment. The second MRI will be to see the status of the brain tumour. So yes, more of the waiting game.
Ok, enough for now....
Have a great Sunday, its supposed to be +7 degrees out there today. Get out and breathe in that fresh air and feel the warmth of the sun of your face.
With love and gratitude to all of you,
me
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
The countdown is on!
Well I'm now at 5 treatments left and counting!! As much as I love the staff at the LRCC I will be happy to not have to walk through those doors for at least a month. Its been a long and tough haul going through both treatments at the same time. I've managed to persevere so far and from what people tell me, I'm doing a good job. (oh how easy some are fooled! lol) I just live day by day, knowing that as I awake each morning, I've been given one more opportunity to do my part in making the world a happier place. I probably ( no wait, I KNOW) I do more than I should given my medical condition, but thats just me....its who I am. I'm someone who enjoys seeing the smile on someone else's face because I've been able to help them in even the smallest of ways. Thats who I am, so don't try to stop me .....just accept it ;)
I received my MRI date in the mail today. I go on Sat. April 5th to Hamilton. I was actually quite surprised at the date being as I'm only done my treatments a few days prior to that. I've been asked if I'm scared or apprehensive about the results but to tell you the truth, I just want the results, so I know what I'm up against going forward. If it shows that its at least controlling the tumour, great! If not, I'll deal with that too. I've still got the fight in me and I've saved up some for the next round too ;)
As I'm sure I've said before, the worst part of this is the fatigue, it gets worse daily. I don't seem to be able to last much more than 4 hours without squeezing a siesta in! So in keeping with that subject, please understand that these blogs may only happen every other day for now.
Pay it forward, no matter how big or small, they both are equally as rewarding :)
Talk soon!
Ed
I received my MRI date in the mail today. I go on Sat. April 5th to Hamilton. I was actually quite surprised at the date being as I'm only done my treatments a few days prior to that. I've been asked if I'm scared or apprehensive about the results but to tell you the truth, I just want the results, so I know what I'm up against going forward. If it shows that its at least controlling the tumour, great! If not, I'll deal with that too. I've still got the fight in me and I've saved up some for the next round too ;)
As I'm sure I've said before, the worst part of this is the fatigue, it gets worse daily. I don't seem to be able to last much more than 4 hours without squeezing a siesta in! So in keeping with that subject, please understand that these blogs may only happen every other day for now.
Pay it forward, no matter how big or small, they both are equally as rewarding :)
Talk soon!
Ed
Monday, March 24, 2008
A day off!
Well its Easter Monday, and that means another day away from treatment for me! I guess I can thank our gov't for this one. Probably works out for the best anyways, as I don't really think I'd have that warm, fuzzy feeling about finishing my treatments on April Fools Day!
Easter went over pretty good, unfortunately all of my family couldn't be there for the traditional dinner due to work commitments. One day that'll happen! Hopefully sooner than later. Of course good ole Ed ended up being late because I squeezed in a nap prior to going and overslept. (that is so unlike me!!!) Karen, you owe me now....I took the usual "heat" off of you this time ;)
We were able to try out my new video camera yesterday, it seemed to work like a charm! I look forward to filming alot of memories like that from now on.
Ok, onto my health..........I'm feeling incredibly tired now. I don't seem to be able to go more than 4 hours without requiring a nap to re-charge my batteries. That really frustrates me because if you know me at all, I'm a "do'er". I'm not one for lazing about all day. I feel nauseated from the time I wake up until around lunch time but thankfully it has not progressed to the next level. I'm having a harder time keeping up with the housework etc (especially after my whirlwind 6 year old has been here) but I can and will still manage. I just keep reminding myself of the single digit countdown I now have for treatments. After that, one month to re-gain some strength and get prepared for round 2.
My thought for today..........
"Just remember.......God never promised you tomorrow"
translation>> live each day as if it were your last.
One thing I've learned from all of this is to not hold back your feelings and to make sure people know who you feel. I am not going to let "the past" get in my way anymore. You may have noticed that I even use the "L" word more frequently now (yes fools, the love word). The way I see it is that I truly do hold a love for alot of people. Now don't take that the wrong way, I hold a different level of love for different people. In the end, I just think its important that we all express ourselves in a way that is "being true to thine self". So yeah, maybe I sound like a sap now.....but hey, at least I'm a truthful one. (and I will still continue to face all my challenges in the same old stubborn, crusty, don't stop 'til its done fashion) So there, be forewarned! lol
Have a FANTABULOUS day. (another new Edism for ya)
Love you all !
Ed
Easter went over pretty good, unfortunately all of my family couldn't be there for the traditional dinner due to work commitments. One day that'll happen! Hopefully sooner than later. Of course good ole Ed ended up being late because I squeezed in a nap prior to going and overslept. (that is so unlike me!!!) Karen, you owe me now....I took the usual "heat" off of you this time ;)
We were able to try out my new video camera yesterday, it seemed to work like a charm! I look forward to filming alot of memories like that from now on.
Ok, onto my health..........I'm feeling incredibly tired now. I don't seem to be able to go more than 4 hours without requiring a nap to re-charge my batteries. That really frustrates me because if you know me at all, I'm a "do'er". I'm not one for lazing about all day. I feel nauseated from the time I wake up until around lunch time but thankfully it has not progressed to the next level. I'm having a harder time keeping up with the housework etc (especially after my whirlwind 6 year old has been here) but I can and will still manage. I just keep reminding myself of the single digit countdown I now have for treatments. After that, one month to re-gain some strength and get prepared for round 2.
My thought for today..........
"Just remember.......God never promised you tomorrow"
translation>> live each day as if it were your last.
One thing I've learned from all of this is to not hold back your feelings and to make sure people know who you feel. I am not going to let "the past" get in my way anymore. You may have noticed that I even use the "L" word more frequently now (yes fools, the love word). The way I see it is that I truly do hold a love for alot of people. Now don't take that the wrong way, I hold a different level of love for different people. In the end, I just think its important that we all express ourselves in a way that is "being true to thine self". So yeah, maybe I sound like a sap now.....but hey, at least I'm a truthful one. (and I will still continue to face all my challenges in the same old stubborn, crusty, don't stop 'til its done fashion) So there, be forewarned! lol
Have a FANTABULOUS day. (another new Edism for ya)
Love you all !
Ed
Friday, March 21, 2008
Good Friday
I totally understand the significance of Good Friday but I still think EVERY Friday should be named as such! lol
Well its Friday, I have my little princess here (still sleeping peacefully) and we are in a long weekend. Today will hopefully be comprised of painting eggs, laughter and maybe even a nap for good ole dad! My siestas have become very important in allowing me to make it through the day. It seems I can last the morning but come the late afternoon, look out! If it were mid day and I was in a shopping mall, you could probably find me testing the most expensive bed in the housewares department. Daytime naps seem to be more invigorating than my night time snoozes!
Thanks to Carrie, I believe I found out the mystery angels who dropped food off while I was out that day. Many thanks to you Deborah and your mother. :) I'll have to teach my neighbour the difference between a black truck and a blue truck I guess ;)
Kids are much smarter than we ever give them credit for. Last night I "attempted" to help a friend out with moving from house to house. As I hobbled along and did way more than I should have, Faith was usually within talking distance to me telling me to "be careful" and "you shouldn't be doing that daddy". My little one still does not know the details of why her dad is sick, only that he had "a bad thing in his head and they took it out." And that "daddy has to go to the hospital every day to make sure it doesn't come back." But deep inside of her, I can sense that she understands that there is a degree of severity to all of this. She is like a little mother hen when she's here. What a ham :):):):)
Onto something more positive!!! I'll get to try out our new video camera this weekend at our Easter Sunday dinner with the parents. I'm looking forward to the beginning of capturing forever, the good memories. Even though I may sound like a broken record, I want to thank ALL of my Cami family for making this happen!! You all are amazing people.
Ok, the princess just awoke so my day has begun! Time to sign off. I wish you all the very best Easter weekend with your families, loved ones and friends. Remember to make the best of it :)
Until next time....
me
Well its Friday, I have my little princess here (still sleeping peacefully) and we are in a long weekend. Today will hopefully be comprised of painting eggs, laughter and maybe even a nap for good ole dad! My siestas have become very important in allowing me to make it through the day. It seems I can last the morning but come the late afternoon, look out! If it were mid day and I was in a shopping mall, you could probably find me testing the most expensive bed in the housewares department. Daytime naps seem to be more invigorating than my night time snoozes!
Thanks to Carrie, I believe I found out the mystery angels who dropped food off while I was out that day. Many thanks to you Deborah and your mother. :) I'll have to teach my neighbour the difference between a black truck and a blue truck I guess ;)
Kids are much smarter than we ever give them credit for. Last night I "attempted" to help a friend out with moving from house to house. As I hobbled along and did way more than I should have, Faith was usually within talking distance to me telling me to "be careful" and "you shouldn't be doing that daddy". My little one still does not know the details of why her dad is sick, only that he had "a bad thing in his head and they took it out." And that "daddy has to go to the hospital every day to make sure it doesn't come back." But deep inside of her, I can sense that she understands that there is a degree of severity to all of this. She is like a little mother hen when she's here. What a ham :):):):)
Onto something more positive!!! I'll get to try out our new video camera this weekend at our Easter Sunday dinner with the parents. I'm looking forward to the beginning of capturing forever, the good memories. Even though I may sound like a broken record, I want to thank ALL of my Cami family for making this happen!! You all are amazing people.
Ok, the princess just awoke so my day has begun! Time to sign off. I wish you all the very best Easter weekend with your families, loved ones and friends. Remember to make the best of it :)
Until next time....
me
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Some sleep at night.....some don't!
Well this morning it was 3:30am. This is crazy!!! Prior to all of this happening, if I seen 3:30am, I'd be burying my head back in the pillow and just nodding back off to sleepyland. I'm not sure whether its my mind spinning at a hundred miles per hour or just the medication playing games with my biological clock. Either way, this ain't right!! heh heh
About 2 weeks ago, apparently "2 older ladies in an S-10 pick-up truck dropped off some food" while I was not home according to my neighbour. I have yet to figure out who they were so if you are reading this, please let me know so I can return your dishes and thank you!
Well I am on to single digits now with my first round of treatments. That is a a bigger joy that you can imagine. It will be nice not to have to lather my head in cream anymore because of a burned scalp. The drive back and forth to London will not be missed either. Thankfully I have not encountered too many poor weather days during this course of treatments. And never once did I hear the radio stations announce along with the school bus cancellations that the Cancer Clinic is closed. Whats up with that?? ;) I need to write my M.P. about that!! lol
I still cannot begin to thank all of my family and friends for the generosity and thoughtfulness you have all shown me during this trying time. Everyday, I thank the Big Guy up there for blessing me with such wonderful people. It is truly at times like this, that I wish I could have some people just get into my skin for a day or two and come to realize how lucky they really are. To have a job, a spouse, wonderful children, friends and all of the other little things that we take for granted every day of our lives. Its all these small things that we need to come to fully appreciate before its too late. To let by-gones be by-gones etc. Life is much too short as it is to sweat the small stuff. In the big picture of things, I ask that you ask yourselves : " If I were in Ed's shoes, could I say that I've been the type of person I wanted to be all these years? Have I shown the love and compassion toward others that may have been deserving but yet I was too busy or otherwise in my life? Have I stepped beyond my comfort zone to accomplish those things in life that have been placed in the back of my mind because I think that they are not achievable? Have I been the best possible role model for my kids? Can I sit back and say to myself, "I hope they grow up to be like me"? If you've answered no or even contemplated the word no, I hope and wish that you'll make even the smallest adjustment in your life to make the good things happen :)
Ok, I'm off my soapbox now. I truly believe all those words though. I just can't stress enough how important it is to not conform with what you feel society says you should do or think. Live YOUR life in a way that will bring a smile to YOUR face and to others when they think of you.
So yeah, how about them Leafs!! lol
My plan for Disney will hopefully get started after this round of treatments is done. I want to fully understand the next round before I begin making plans. I can't wait to be able to tell Faith though. I can see here ear-to-ear smile already. WOW!!
Anyhoooooo....I've bloggled on enough here for today (like that word? Its mine now but you can use it at will) so I will sign off and get ready for another day of treatment.
Love you and miss you all!
Ed
About 2 weeks ago, apparently "2 older ladies in an S-10 pick-up truck dropped off some food" while I was not home according to my neighbour. I have yet to figure out who they were so if you are reading this, please let me know so I can return your dishes and thank you!
Well I am on to single digits now with my first round of treatments. That is a a bigger joy that you can imagine. It will be nice not to have to lather my head in cream anymore because of a burned scalp. The drive back and forth to London will not be missed either. Thankfully I have not encountered too many poor weather days during this course of treatments. And never once did I hear the radio stations announce along with the school bus cancellations that the Cancer Clinic is closed. Whats up with that?? ;) I need to write my M.P. about that!! lol
I still cannot begin to thank all of my family and friends for the generosity and thoughtfulness you have all shown me during this trying time. Everyday, I thank the Big Guy up there for blessing me with such wonderful people. It is truly at times like this, that I wish I could have some people just get into my skin for a day or two and come to realize how lucky they really are. To have a job, a spouse, wonderful children, friends and all of the other little things that we take for granted every day of our lives. Its all these small things that we need to come to fully appreciate before its too late. To let by-gones be by-gones etc. Life is much too short as it is to sweat the small stuff. In the big picture of things, I ask that you ask yourselves : " If I were in Ed's shoes, could I say that I've been the type of person I wanted to be all these years? Have I shown the love and compassion toward others that may have been deserving but yet I was too busy or otherwise in my life? Have I stepped beyond my comfort zone to accomplish those things in life that have been placed in the back of my mind because I think that they are not achievable? Have I been the best possible role model for my kids? Can I sit back and say to myself, "I hope they grow up to be like me"? If you've answered no or even contemplated the word no, I hope and wish that you'll make even the smallest adjustment in your life to make the good things happen :)
Ok, I'm off my soapbox now. I truly believe all those words though. I just can't stress enough how important it is to not conform with what you feel society says you should do or think. Live YOUR life in a way that will bring a smile to YOUR face and to others when they think of you.
So yeah, how about them Leafs!! lol
My plan for Disney will hopefully get started after this round of treatments is done. I want to fully understand the next round before I begin making plans. I can't wait to be able to tell Faith though. I can see here ear-to-ear smile already. WOW!!
Anyhoooooo....I've bloggled on enough here for today (like that word? Its mine now but you can use it at will) so I will sign off and get ready for another day of treatment.
Love you and miss you all!
Ed
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
I'm back
What a long day it was yesterday......9:15am Radiation treatment 9:45am Radiation Oncologist appt. Then.......3pm Neugrosurgeon appt. (which turned into 4pm due to delays) Then.......back to town to get all my meds refilled, which ended up getting me in the door at 7pm. Yup, long day!
So the next course of treatment (which will begin in 4+ weeks) will consist of the same chemo medication but in a dosage four times the strength of what I'm currently taking. This will be done on a 5/30 schedule. Five days of meds and 25 days off (or there abouts). That all sounds lovely with the exception of the "4 times the current dosage" !! lol Oh well, gotta do it.
If it seems that I'm slowly withdrawing from contact with some of you....I apologize. I just feel I am so exhausted lately that it takes all I have just to write this blog and keep up electronically with all of you. Don't worry though, I'm still going to do my best to "keep up" and I still love hearing from you all. This blog is my outlet. Living alone, it seems the next best thing to b*tching to my significant other. (if there were one!)
My official last day of Radiation will be April 2/08. I can't wait for that day. Tomorrow it'll be into the single digits for me!! Woo Hoo!!!! Taking umpteen pills a day is one thing, but knowing you are laying on a table while they zap you in hopes of controlling "creeping charlie" really wears on your mind. I certainly won't mind seeing THAT room ever again!!
Well its coming up to a long weekend for everyone....be sure to enjoy it and play safe. Next one won't be until May 2-4 weekend. Heh heh.....that just gets me to thinking on how that used to such a big deal when I was younger. Now it just seems like a good day to rest! ;)
Peace
Ed
So the next course of treatment (which will begin in 4+ weeks) will consist of the same chemo medication but in a dosage four times the strength of what I'm currently taking. This will be done on a 5/30 schedule. Five days of meds and 25 days off (or there abouts). That all sounds lovely with the exception of the "4 times the current dosage" !! lol Oh well, gotta do it.
If it seems that I'm slowly withdrawing from contact with some of you....I apologize. I just feel I am so exhausted lately that it takes all I have just to write this blog and keep up electronically with all of you. Don't worry though, I'm still going to do my best to "keep up" and I still love hearing from you all. This blog is my outlet. Living alone, it seems the next best thing to b*tching to my significant other. (if there were one!)
My official last day of Radiation will be April 2/08. I can't wait for that day. Tomorrow it'll be into the single digits for me!! Woo Hoo!!!! Taking umpteen pills a day is one thing, but knowing you are laying on a table while they zap you in hopes of controlling "creeping charlie" really wears on your mind. I certainly won't mind seeing THAT room ever again!!
Well its coming up to a long weekend for everyone....be sure to enjoy it and play safe. Next one won't be until May 2-4 weekend. Heh heh.....that just gets me to thinking on how that used to such a big deal when I was younger. Now it just seems like a good day to rest! ;)
Peace
Ed
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Just a quickie......
As I was attempting to get through some of my 300+ e-mails, I came across this little poem which was attached to an e-mail sent to me by Matt R., who was a summer student in my department at work last year.
Thanks Matto ;)
When things go wrong as they sometimes will;
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill;
When the funds are low, and the costs are high
And you want to smile, but have to sigh;
When care is pressing you down a bit-
Rest if you must, but do not quit.
Success is failure turned inside out;
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt;
And you can never tell how close you are
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit-
It's when things go wrong that you must not quit.
"Don't Quit,"
Author Unknown
Thanks Matto ;)
When things go wrong as they sometimes will;
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill;
When the funds are low, and the costs are high
And you want to smile, but have to sigh;
When care is pressing you down a bit-
Rest if you must, but do not quit.
Success is failure turned inside out;
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt;
And you can never tell how close you are
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit-
It's when things go wrong that you must not quit.
"Don't Quit,"
Author Unknown
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Ahh, the weekend.
Normally I'd be taking the weekend off from hammering away at this blog but since I was up (go figure) I thought I'd throw this out there. I recieved this via e-mail from a friend recently:
AFTER YEARS OF TELLING PEOPLE CHEMOTHERAPY IS THE ONLY WAY TO TRY ('TRY,” BEING THE KEY WORD) TO ELIMINATE CANCER, JOHNS HOPKINS IS FINALLY STARTING TO TELL YOU THERE IS AN ALTERNATIVE WAY. Cancer Update from Johns Hopkins:
1. Every person has cancer cells in the body. These cancer cells do not show up in the standard tests until they have multiplied to a few billion. When doctors tell cancer patients that there are no more cancer cells in their bodies after treatment, it just means the tests are unable to detect the cancer cells because they have not reached the detectable size.
2. Cancer cells occur between 6 to more than 10 times in a person's lifetime.
3. When the person's immune system is strong the cancer cells will be destroyed and prevented from multiplying and forming tumors.
4. When a person has cancer it indicates the person has multiple nutritional deficiencies. These could be due to genetic, environmental, food and lifestyle factors.
5. To overcome the multiple nutritional deficiencies, changing diet and including supplements will strengthen the immune system.
6. Chemotherapy involves poisoning the rapidly-growing cancer cells and also destroys rapidly-growing healthy cells in the bone marrow, gastrointestinal tract etc, and can cause organ damage, like liver, kidneys, heart, lungs etc.
7. Radiation while destroying cancer cells also burns, scars and damages healthy cells, tissues and organs.
8. Initial treatment with chemotherapy and radiation will often reduce tumor size. However prolonged use of chemotherapy and radiation do not result in more tumor destruction.
9. When the body has too much toxic burden from chemotherapy and radiation the immune system is either compromised or destroyed, hence the person can succumb to various kinds of infections and complications.
10. Chemotherapy and radiation can cause cancer cells to mutate and become resistant and difficult to destroy. Surgery can also cause cancer cells to spread to other sites.
11. An effective way to battle cancer is to starve the cancer cells by not feeding it with the foods it needs to multiply.
12. Meat protein is difficult to digest and requires a lot of digestive enzymes. Undigested meat remaining in the intestines become petrified and leads to more toxic buildup.
13. Cancer cell walls have a tough protein covering. By refraining from or eating less meat it frees more enzymes to attack the protein walls of cancer cells and allows the body's killer cells to destroy the cancer cells.
14. Some supplements build up the immune system (IP6, Flor-ssence, Essiac, anti-oxidants, vitamins, minerals, EFAs etc.) to enable the body's own killer cells to destroy cancer cells. Other supplements like vitamin E are known to cause apoptosis, or programmed cell death, the body's normal method of disposing of damaged, unwanted, or unneeded cells.
15. Cancer is a disease of the mind, body, and spirit. A proactive and positive spirit will help the cancer warrior be a survivor. Anger, unforgiveness and bitterness put the body into a stressful and acidic environment. Learn to have a loving and forgiving spirit. Learn to relax and enjoy life.
16. Cancer cells cannot thrive in an oxygenated environment. Exercising daily, and deep breathing help to get more oxygen down to the cellular level. Oxygen therapy is another means employed to destroy cancer cells.
CANCER CELLS FEED ON:
a. Sugar is a cancer-feeder. By cutting off sugar it cuts off one important food supply to the cancer cells. Sugar substitutes like NutraSweet, Equal, Spoonful, etc. are made with Aspartame and it is harmful. A better natural substitute would be Manuka honey or molasses but only in very small amounts. Table salt has a chemical added to make it white in colour. Better alternative is Bragg's aminos or sea salt.
b. Milk causes the body to produce mucus, especially in the gastro-intestinal tract. Cancer feeds on mucus. By cutting off milk and substituting with unsweetened soy milk cancer cells are being starved.
c. Cancer cells thrive in an acid environment. A meat-based diet is acidic and it is best to eat fish, and a little chicken rather than beef or pork. Meat also contains livestock antibiotics, growth hormones and parasites, which are all harmful, especially to people with cancer.
d. A diet made of 80% fresh vegetables and juice, whole grains, seeds, nuts and a little fruits help put the body into an alkaline environment. About 20% can be from cooked food including beans. Fresh vegetable juices provide live enzymes that are easily absorbed and reach down to cellular levels within 15 minutes to nourish and enhance growth of healthy cells. To obtain live enzymes for building healthy cells try and drink fresh vegetable juice (most vegetables including bean sprouts) and eat some raw vegetables 2 or 3 times a day. Enzymes are destroyed at temperatures of 104 degrees F (40 degrees C).
e. Avoid coffee, tea, and chocolate, which have high caffeine. Green tea is a better alternative and has cancer fighting properties. Water-best to drink purified water, or filtered, to avoid known toxins and heavy metals in tap water. Distilled water is acidic, avoid it.
Just some food for thought.
Have a splendiferous weekend. (yea, thats a word...its my word and I'm gonna use it!) ;)
EJM68
AFTER YEARS OF TELLING PEOPLE CHEMOTHERAPY IS THE ONLY WAY TO TRY ('TRY,” BEING THE KEY WORD) TO ELIMINATE CANCER, JOHNS HOPKINS IS FINALLY STARTING TO TELL YOU THERE IS AN ALTERNATIVE WAY. Cancer Update from Johns Hopkins:
1. Every person has cancer cells in the body. These cancer cells do not show up in the standard tests until they have multiplied to a few billion. When doctors tell cancer patients that there are no more cancer cells in their bodies after treatment, it just means the tests are unable to detect the cancer cells because they have not reached the detectable size.
2. Cancer cells occur between 6 to more than 10 times in a person's lifetime.
3. When the person's immune system is strong the cancer cells will be destroyed and prevented from multiplying and forming tumors.
4. When a person has cancer it indicates the person has multiple nutritional deficiencies. These could be due to genetic, environmental, food and lifestyle factors.
5. To overcome the multiple nutritional deficiencies, changing diet and including supplements will strengthen the immune system.
6. Chemotherapy involves poisoning the rapidly-growing cancer cells and also destroys rapidly-growing healthy cells in the bone marrow, gastrointestinal tract etc, and can cause organ damage, like liver, kidneys, heart, lungs etc.
7. Radiation while destroying cancer cells also burns, scars and damages healthy cells, tissues and organs.
8. Initial treatment with chemotherapy and radiation will often reduce tumor size. However prolonged use of chemotherapy and radiation do not result in more tumor destruction.
9. When the body has too much toxic burden from chemotherapy and radiation the immune system is either compromised or destroyed, hence the person can succumb to various kinds of infections and complications.
10. Chemotherapy and radiation can cause cancer cells to mutate and become resistant and difficult to destroy. Surgery can also cause cancer cells to spread to other sites.
11. An effective way to battle cancer is to starve the cancer cells by not feeding it with the foods it needs to multiply.
12. Meat protein is difficult to digest and requires a lot of digestive enzymes. Undigested meat remaining in the intestines become petrified and leads to more toxic buildup.
13. Cancer cell walls have a tough protein covering. By refraining from or eating less meat it frees more enzymes to attack the protein walls of cancer cells and allows the body's killer cells to destroy the cancer cells.
14. Some supplements build up the immune system (IP6, Flor-ssence, Essiac, anti-oxidants, vitamins, minerals, EFAs etc.) to enable the body's own killer cells to destroy cancer cells. Other supplements like vitamin E are known to cause apoptosis, or programmed cell death, the body's normal method of disposing of damaged, unwanted, or unneeded cells.
15. Cancer is a disease of the mind, body, and spirit. A proactive and positive spirit will help the cancer warrior be a survivor. Anger, unforgiveness and bitterness put the body into a stressful and acidic environment. Learn to have a loving and forgiving spirit. Learn to relax and enjoy life.
16. Cancer cells cannot thrive in an oxygenated environment. Exercising daily, and deep breathing help to get more oxygen down to the cellular level. Oxygen therapy is another means employed to destroy cancer cells.
CANCER CELLS FEED ON:
a. Sugar is a cancer-feeder. By cutting off sugar it cuts off one important food supply to the cancer cells. Sugar substitutes like NutraSweet, Equal, Spoonful, etc. are made with Aspartame and it is harmful. A better natural substitute would be Manuka honey or molasses but only in very small amounts. Table salt has a chemical added to make it white in colour. Better alternative is Bragg's aminos or sea salt.
b. Milk causes the body to produce mucus, especially in the gastro-intestinal tract. Cancer feeds on mucus. By cutting off milk and substituting with unsweetened soy milk cancer cells are being starved.
c. Cancer cells thrive in an acid environment. A meat-based diet is acidic and it is best to eat fish, and a little chicken rather than beef or pork. Meat also contains livestock antibiotics, growth hormones and parasites, which are all harmful, especially to people with cancer.
d. A diet made of 80% fresh vegetables and juice, whole grains, seeds, nuts and a little fruits help put the body into an alkaline environment. About 20% can be from cooked food including beans. Fresh vegetable juices provide live enzymes that are easily absorbed and reach down to cellular levels within 15 minutes to nourish and enhance growth of healthy cells. To obtain live enzymes for building healthy cells try and drink fresh vegetable juice (most vegetables including bean sprouts) and eat some raw vegetables 2 or 3 times a day. Enzymes are destroyed at temperatures of 104 degrees F (40 degrees C).
e. Avoid coffee, tea, and chocolate, which have high caffeine. Green tea is a better alternative and has cancer fighting properties. Water-best to drink purified water, or filtered, to avoid known toxins and heavy metals in tap water. Distilled water is acidic, avoid it.
Just some food for thought.
Have a splendiferous weekend. (yea, thats a word...its my word and I'm gonna use it!) ;)
EJM68
Friday, March 14, 2008
Maybe if I scratch a lottery ticket?????
Hello again 4:30am. I still firmly believe that SOMETHING has to happen at this time in my life.....there has to be an importance. Perhaps its time to buy that lottery ticket ??
Yeah, I took yesterday off. I think I got 4 or 5 mails etc asking what the heck was going on!? lol And I thought MY life was boring !!! (just teasing)
Well I started doing the math in my Planner yesterday, counting the days until I'm done this treatment. Needless to say, when I realized that it was day 18 of 30, it kind of let the wind out of my sails. For some silly reason, I guess I just thought I was closer to the end of it. Grrrr So barring any acts of God or missed appointments, my last day should be Wednesday April 2/2008. I think on Thursday the 3rd, I'm going to sleep for 24 hours straight!! Heck, who am I kidding. Duh!
Well, I received another amazing act of kindness in the mail the other day. My childhood friend, Dawn R, sent me a wonderful card with a donation toward Faith's trip to Disney. Thank you Dawn, you're as amazing as your parents!! xo
Well I took the first step of contacting a lawyer here in town to set up an appointment to go over a will. Just the word "will" sounds so gloomy. As much as I know it is imperative to have my affairs in order, I'm not looking forward to it. I just wish I was a bah-zillionaire, so I could donate a mess of money to Cancer research. Yes, in the time I have left on this earth, I am undoubtedly going to become very involved in Cancer Research fund-raising etc. So be prepared, I will be hitting you all up for donations or maybe to drag your butts around the track during the RelaY For Life etc!! lol Since this is my second battle with the big C, I figure I owe that much to the wonderful people who are involved in trying to find the cure.
Here is a great analogy a friend of mine used to describe cancer: Creeping Charlie. How fitting eh. Just like that damned weed, it is an invasive enemy that you don't want on your property! Take care of your grass and it stays away usually, but sometimes, no matter what do you, it creeps in and chokes what was once a beautiful lawn, into a sad looking patch of green. Lets hope the medication and treatments are my "lawn spray" and that it will choke out that damned Creeping Charlie and allow me to continue to grow and flourish along side my beautiful daughter Faith Emily.
Slowly getting used to the lack of hair...I'm sure a few of you are chuckling thinking "he didn't have much to begin with anyways!" lol I still find myself attempting to squeeze the excess water out of my hair in the shower though. Old habits die hard I guess. Looking forward to the Easter long weekend......4 glorious days away from radiation!!!
I wish everyone a super weekend.
Take care, God bless and hug your loved ones :)
Ed
Yeah, I took yesterday off. I think I got 4 or 5 mails etc asking what the heck was going on!? lol And I thought MY life was boring !!! (just teasing)
Well I started doing the math in my Planner yesterday, counting the days until I'm done this treatment. Needless to say, when I realized that it was day 18 of 30, it kind of let the wind out of my sails. For some silly reason, I guess I just thought I was closer to the end of it. Grrrr So barring any acts of God or missed appointments, my last day should be Wednesday April 2/2008. I think on Thursday the 3rd, I'm going to sleep for 24 hours straight!! Heck, who am I kidding. Duh!
Well, I received another amazing act of kindness in the mail the other day. My childhood friend, Dawn R, sent me a wonderful card with a donation toward Faith's trip to Disney. Thank you Dawn, you're as amazing as your parents!! xo
Well I took the first step of contacting a lawyer here in town to set up an appointment to go over a will. Just the word "will" sounds so gloomy. As much as I know it is imperative to have my affairs in order, I'm not looking forward to it. I just wish I was a bah-zillionaire, so I could donate a mess of money to Cancer research. Yes, in the time I have left on this earth, I am undoubtedly going to become very involved in Cancer Research fund-raising etc. So be prepared, I will be hitting you all up for donations or maybe to drag your butts around the track during the RelaY For Life etc!! lol Since this is my second battle with the big C, I figure I owe that much to the wonderful people who are involved in trying to find the cure.
Here is a great analogy a friend of mine used to describe cancer: Creeping Charlie. How fitting eh. Just like that damned weed, it is an invasive enemy that you don't want on your property! Take care of your grass and it stays away usually, but sometimes, no matter what do you, it creeps in and chokes what was once a beautiful lawn, into a sad looking patch of green. Lets hope the medication and treatments are my "lawn spray" and that it will choke out that damned Creeping Charlie and allow me to continue to grow and flourish along side my beautiful daughter Faith Emily.
Slowly getting used to the lack of hair...I'm sure a few of you are chuckling thinking "he didn't have much to begin with anyways!" lol I still find myself attempting to squeeze the excess water out of my hair in the shower though. Old habits die hard I guess. Looking forward to the Easter long weekend......4 glorious days away from radiation!!!
I wish everyone a super weekend.
Take care, God bless and hug your loved ones :)
Ed
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
I'm so Surprised!!!!!
Well to my surprise and astonishment, I seen 4:30am again this morning. I've even cut back on drinking any coffee or caffeine after supper! I cringe after just writing that because I know all my well-meaning friends will have 500 ways to help yourself sleep being electronically prepared and thrown into my in-box by the end of the day. My in-box currently sits at 346 unread mails, that should tell you how good I'm doing at that!!
My buddy Robert from work tells me that he has even seen my blogs being printed off and sitting on the lunch tables down in Weld Shop. Wow!! It is yet another gesture of all my Cami friends showing that they care and that there are no salary/hourly borders when it comes to something like this.
Lynn and Bernie R., you are amazing people. Thank you ever so much for the beautiful card and money towards "The Disney Fund". Gestures like that just plain shocking. :) I can't wait until this "double-whammy treatment" ends so that I can start planning that trip. It will mean the world to Faith and I. I am truly grateful that I will also be able to record those memories now with my new Handycam that I got from all my friends and colleagues at Cami. I am honoured to be employed at such a place with such wonderful people.
I guess I should probably post the latest picture of me with my new hairdo (or lack of). The picture I will attach will be one taken last night at Niko's in Tillsonburg. My sisters Shirley and Karen took me out for a belated birthday dinner. Niko's is an amazing new restaurant in T'burg. Go if you get the chance. And a great big public thank you to both of them for taking my mind off the current state of affairs and just being there to enjoy each other's company. :)
So I'm going to go out on a limb and figure that the new med is NOT going to help me sleep. I guess its just something I am going to have to accept and deal with daily until treatment is done. I will just continue to sleep whenever the need presents itself. (kinda like riding the Bullet Train in Japan and watching how all the local folk would fall asleep as soon as the got on the train, and somehow just "know" when it was time to wake up for their stop) I see myself as a lucky guy to have travelled to places like Japan for work. It certainly opens your eyes to the different cultures. Once again, without Cami, that opportunity would not have happened.
On that note, I know we are going through some trying times at Cami with the down-sizing of the workforce and all the internal posting movement, job changes etc right now. If I can offer you all any kind of advise, it would be to embrace these changes and make them happen, for these changes are what will keep our ship afloat. There will be times of unrest, hopefully minimal confusion, and animated conversations between workers and staff, departments etc. Just remember that 1. we can be part of the problem or part of the solution...your choice! 2. We are all there for the same reason with the same end goal in mind, to provide the customer with a quality vehicle which in turn , will allow us to afford our loved ones a quality lifestyle. I will never ever forget the nights of sleeping in a tent with 20 other troopers, freezing my butt off in northern Alberta, thinking "man, there HAS to be something better out there than this!!" I loved my military days, but I was more than happy to hand in my sub-zero sleeping bag after my time was up. My 3 years taught me an enormous amount of respect, discipline and a work ethic which undoubtedly allowed me to get to my current position at Cami. So yea, 3 years, one United Nations Cyprus medal later...thank you Canada :)
Ok, quickly onto my current health level (before my fingers go numb).....
I am still feeling very fatigued throughout the day. I push myself to accept visitors because they are good medicine too. In between I nap and nap and nap and....well you get the drift. My head is quite burnt, from the radiation, which only gets worse as the days goes on. My friend Linda B. has graciously provided me with some cream to help relieve that issue. My leg is still about 30-40% numb all the time, they said the first 3 weeks after surgery would be tell-tale regarding recovery from that. Its now been about 1.5 months so I'm thinking I'm stuck with being a "shuffler" ;) Mentally, I've been trying to keep busy so that I do not dwell on the situation. I am human afterall though, so I do have my moments.
Ok, I'm typing with my elbows know since my fingers have all gone numb so I'd better close off for now.
If any of my work drivel sounded like preaching, please do not take it that way. I just know from being trough enough of the changes there, that we always get through it, so lets make it as painless as possible.
Remember, the only thing CONSTANT in life or work, is CHANGE!
With Heartfelt gratitude for everything,
Ed
My buddy Robert from work tells me that he has even seen my blogs being printed off and sitting on the lunch tables down in Weld Shop. Wow!! It is yet another gesture of all my Cami friends showing that they care and that there are no salary/hourly borders when it comes to something like this.
Lynn and Bernie R., you are amazing people. Thank you ever so much for the beautiful card and money towards "The Disney Fund". Gestures like that just plain shocking. :) I can't wait until this "double-whammy treatment" ends so that I can start planning that trip. It will mean the world to Faith and I. I am truly grateful that I will also be able to record those memories now with my new Handycam that I got from all my friends and colleagues at Cami. I am honoured to be employed at such a place with such wonderful people.
I guess I should probably post the latest picture of me with my new hairdo (or lack of). The picture I will attach will be one taken last night at Niko's in Tillsonburg. My sisters Shirley and Karen took me out for a belated birthday dinner. Niko's is an amazing new restaurant in T'burg. Go if you get the chance. And a great big public thank you to both of them for taking my mind off the current state of affairs and just being there to enjoy each other's company. :)
So I'm going to go out on a limb and figure that the new med is NOT going to help me sleep. I guess its just something I am going to have to accept and deal with daily until treatment is done. I will just continue to sleep whenever the need presents itself. (kinda like riding the Bullet Train in Japan and watching how all the local folk would fall asleep as soon as the got on the train, and somehow just "know" when it was time to wake up for their stop) I see myself as a lucky guy to have travelled to places like Japan for work. It certainly opens your eyes to the different cultures. Once again, without Cami, that opportunity would not have happened.
On that note, I know we are going through some trying times at Cami with the down-sizing of the workforce and all the internal posting movement, job changes etc right now. If I can offer you all any kind of advise, it would be to embrace these changes and make them happen, for these changes are what will keep our ship afloat. There will be times of unrest, hopefully minimal confusion, and animated conversations between workers and staff, departments etc. Just remember that 1. we can be part of the problem or part of the solution...your choice! 2. We are all there for the same reason with the same end goal in mind, to provide the customer with a quality vehicle which in turn , will allow us to afford our loved ones a quality lifestyle. I will never ever forget the nights of sleeping in a tent with 20 other troopers, freezing my butt off in northern Alberta, thinking "man, there HAS to be something better out there than this!!" I loved my military days, but I was more than happy to hand in my sub-zero sleeping bag after my time was up. My 3 years taught me an enormous amount of respect, discipline and a work ethic which undoubtedly allowed me to get to my current position at Cami. So yea, 3 years, one United Nations Cyprus medal later...thank you Canada :)
Ok, quickly onto my current health level (before my fingers go numb).....
I am still feeling very fatigued throughout the day. I push myself to accept visitors because they are good medicine too. In between I nap and nap and nap and....well you get the drift. My head is quite burnt, from the radiation, which only gets worse as the days goes on. My friend Linda B. has graciously provided me with some cream to help relieve that issue. My leg is still about 30-40% numb all the time, they said the first 3 weeks after surgery would be tell-tale regarding recovery from that. Its now been about 1.5 months so I'm thinking I'm stuck with being a "shuffler" ;) Mentally, I've been trying to keep busy so that I do not dwell on the situation. I am human afterall though, so I do have my moments.
Ok, I'm typing with my elbows know since my fingers have all gone numb so I'd better close off for now.
If any of my work drivel sounded like preaching, please do not take it that way. I just know from being trough enough of the changes there, that we always get through it, so lets make it as painless as possible.
Remember, the only thing CONSTANT in life or work, is CHANGE!
With Heartfelt gratitude for everything,
Ed
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
A new addition to my pill family
Morning all,
Well I received a new addition to my pill family yesterday at the Cancer Clinic. After having 6 leg seizures the other day, they figured they try yet another pill to combat it. This one is called Phenobarbitol. I think its been around forever, a supposed "tried, tested and true" means of fighting off seizures. It was supposed to also help you sleep....well THAT part didn't work. I was still up at the crack of stupid today (4:30am). Lets hope that it just needs a day or two to kick in!
Going for supper with two of my sisters in town here tonight. I'm really looking forward to it. I am STILL however waiting for one of the family to put together a night where we can ALL be together as a family, putting aside all of our differences for just one night. (HINT HINT) ;)
Ok, time to jet, got an 8:15 appt in London so I'd better get a move on!
Peace!
Ed
Well I received a new addition to my pill family yesterday at the Cancer Clinic. After having 6 leg seizures the other day, they figured they try yet another pill to combat it. This one is called Phenobarbitol. I think its been around forever, a supposed "tried, tested and true" means of fighting off seizures. It was supposed to also help you sleep....well THAT part didn't work. I was still up at the crack of stupid today (4:30am). Lets hope that it just needs a day or two to kick in!
Going for supper with two of my sisters in town here tonight. I'm really looking forward to it. I am STILL however waiting for one of the family to put together a night where we can ALL be together as a family, putting aside all of our differences for just one night. (HINT HINT) ;)
Ok, time to jet, got an 8:15 appt in London so I'd better get a move on!
Peace!
Ed
Monday, March 10, 2008
Welcome to Monday!
Good morning, not so much to talk about today as it was a fairly quiet enjoyable weekend spent with my daughter Faith.
I've got a few questions to ask my doctor at the Clinic today that are bugging me. First and foremost is that we've increased my Dilanten meds to control the seizures in my leg 3 times now and I'm still having them. Whats up with that! Yesterday was the worst ever, I had it happen 6 times whereas on a "normal day", its 2 to 3 times. Hopefully just a medication thing and nothing else.
My fatigue level continues to slowly increase. I may feel the requirement to shut down for a few days soon so please do not take it personally. I need to regain some energy. I think that one of my "good" faults is that I'm a people pleaser. Usually prioritizing everyone else's needs before my own. Thats me, thats who I am, and I highly doubt that'll change anytime soon, but as I said, I may have to put all that on hold to boost myself for a bit.
Well time to prepare for another chemo and radiation treatment.....15 pills to swallow and then the drive to London!!
Happy Monday by the way...... :)
Me
I've got a few questions to ask my doctor at the Clinic today that are bugging me. First and foremost is that we've increased my Dilanten meds to control the seizures in my leg 3 times now and I'm still having them. Whats up with that! Yesterday was the worst ever, I had it happen 6 times whereas on a "normal day", its 2 to 3 times. Hopefully just a medication thing and nothing else.
My fatigue level continues to slowly increase. I may feel the requirement to shut down for a few days soon so please do not take it personally. I need to regain some energy. I think that one of my "good" faults is that I'm a people pleaser. Usually prioritizing everyone else's needs before my own. Thats me, thats who I am, and I highly doubt that'll change anytime soon, but as I said, I may have to put all that on hold to boost myself for a bit.
Well time to prepare for another chemo and radiation treatment.....15 pills to swallow and then the drive to London!!
Happy Monday by the way...... :)
Me
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Daylight Savings Time=Even Less Sleep!!!
Well lets see if I can actually type on hmm, lets see, about 3 hrs sleep!!! Not sure what happened last night but I believe it was the worst sleep ever since all this fun started! Perhaps it was all the anticipated excitement of turning all the clocks forward one hour this morning. Yea, I don't think so either. Ughhh Oh well, I'll catch up on that one day.
Unfortunately we missed Deborah W.'s birthday party in Woodstock last night but with that dumping of snow we got, to attempt to drive on the roads would have just been silly. Hope you all had a wonderful time :)
Both Faith and I are sitting here yawning our heads off so I think I am going to cut this short today and see if I can't convince her to lay her head down and get some more sleep. ( please please please!!) lol
zzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzz
Unfortunately we missed Deborah W.'s birthday party in Woodstock last night but with that dumping of snow we got, to attempt to drive on the roads would have just been silly. Hope you all had a wonderful time :)
Both Faith and I are sitting here yawning our heads off so I think I am going to cut this short today and see if I can't convince her to lay her head down and get some more sleep. ( please please please!!) lol
zzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzz
Saturday, March 8, 2008
Officially Half Way Done !!!
Yay me...I can now say that I am officially half way done this first round of treatments. Boy oh boy though, it feels like the past 15 treatments have been wearing steel boxing gloves and they threw me into the ring with nothing but a pair of mittens to defend myself! I guess this was to be expected though.......no one can really prepare themselves for something life this. The first week was a daze, walking in there, listening to staff tell you a multitude of directions and things to do. I think I remembered about half of it! lol The staff at the London Regional Cancer Centre have been nothing short of amazing though. You have to have a special kind of blood in you to crawl out of bed in the morning and go face what what has already been pre-determined to be a day filled with pain, sorrow and stress. My hat will forever go off to those ladies and gentlemen.
What a sleep last night.or lack of maybe I should say! Finally got to sleep about 1:30am and up just before 5am again. I am going to ask the Dr's next week if this is considered as normal. I do know that insomnia is one of the multitude of side effects from the medications but really, come on!!!! Ugh
I have my little princess with me this weekend. She always brings a smile to me face. As with any other 6 year old, she is an active little girl and I just hope I can continue to keep up to her pace! Thank goodness, for the neighbour girl across the road!
My head still feels like a fireball from the radiation treatments. I've been doing all the things I'm supposed to....using creams etc to ease the sunburned sensation. I'm thinking I don't like that feeling knowing I've still got 15 more treatments to go! Oh well, like my dad has always said, " when you think you've got it bad, just turn on the news and listen for 10 minutes about some of the other unrest and pain going on in the world". How very true though....I remember being in Hamilton General Hospital looking across my room and seeing this 17-18 year old young man who had tubes coming and going out of his mangled body. He had been in a car accident and it did not look like his quality of life was very bright. I'd sit there and listen as his family talked to him every day with no response from him at all. Within view, there were pictures of him, his family, his pretty little girlfriend all posted on the corkboard. His life had now been altered dramatically. There was no opportunity for him to tell the people who meant the most to him that he loved them, no chance to do all the things he wanted to accomplish in life. His only function now, was to breathe. As macabre as that story sounds, it certainly made me think of my life and what I am going through. It is that young gentleman that gives me the strength everyday to keep my smile and to be able to joke around with people even knowing there may be that monster lurking in the background, waiting to pounce on me. My life is surrounded by wonderful family and friends....thats all I care about at this point.
Well, thank you once again for listening to my banter. I may have even repeated things I've said before but hey.....its a brain thing ;)
1. thankful to have such a great best friend called Al. We are always there for each other no matter what!
2. Thankful I'm not an hotdog vendor on a day like today
3. Thankful for the ability to be able to use this computer to relay my thoughts and emotions.
4. Thankful for still be healthy enough to enjoy my family, friends and most of all, my precious daughter. (dammit, and I was trying so hard to get through this one with no tears!!!)
5. Thankful that you care enough about me to be reading this right now.
Love y'all
Eduardo
What a sleep last night.or lack of maybe I should say! Finally got to sleep about 1:30am and up just before 5am again. I am going to ask the Dr's next week if this is considered as normal. I do know that insomnia is one of the multitude of side effects from the medications but really, come on!!!! Ugh
I have my little princess with me this weekend. She always brings a smile to me face. As with any other 6 year old, she is an active little girl and I just hope I can continue to keep up to her pace! Thank goodness, for the neighbour girl across the road!
My head still feels like a fireball from the radiation treatments. I've been doing all the things I'm supposed to....using creams etc to ease the sunburned sensation. I'm thinking I don't like that feeling knowing I've still got 15 more treatments to go! Oh well, like my dad has always said, " when you think you've got it bad, just turn on the news and listen for 10 minutes about some of the other unrest and pain going on in the world". How very true though....I remember being in Hamilton General Hospital looking across my room and seeing this 17-18 year old young man who had tubes coming and going out of his mangled body. He had been in a car accident and it did not look like his quality of life was very bright. I'd sit there and listen as his family talked to him every day with no response from him at all. Within view, there were pictures of him, his family, his pretty little girlfriend all posted on the corkboard. His life had now been altered dramatically. There was no opportunity for him to tell the people who meant the most to him that he loved them, no chance to do all the things he wanted to accomplish in life. His only function now, was to breathe. As macabre as that story sounds, it certainly made me think of my life and what I am going through. It is that young gentleman that gives me the strength everyday to keep my smile and to be able to joke around with people even knowing there may be that monster lurking in the background, waiting to pounce on me. My life is surrounded by wonderful family and friends....thats all I care about at this point.
Well, thank you once again for listening to my banter. I may have even repeated things I've said before but hey.....its a brain thing ;)
1. thankful to have such a great best friend called Al. We are always there for each other no matter what!
2. Thankful I'm not an hotdog vendor on a day like today
3. Thankful for the ability to be able to use this computer to relay my thoughts and emotions.
4. Thankful for still be healthy enough to enjoy my family, friends and most of all, my precious daughter. (dammit, and I was trying so hard to get through this one with no tears!!!)
5. Thankful that you care enough about me to be reading this right now.
Love y'all
Eduardo
Friday, March 7, 2008
TGIF...or TGFJAD!
To most of us, we'll think of it as TGIF (Thank God its Friday), to people like me, that has now turned into TGFJAD (Thank God For Just Another Day) Every day that we have the ability to crawl out of bed under our own power should be considered this.
I just finished reading some mail from Heather and Beth who were thanking me for being an "inspiration" to them. Little do they know, they are more of an inspiration to me than anything else. We look to others for the support and understanding during times of crisis and I know that I only need to turn on the computer and read some of their mail to set the day off right. Heather mentioned the 3 of us doing lunch one day and I plan on making sure that happens! Beth jokingly talked about forming a new club at Cami. The CCC...Cami Cancer Club. As humorous as that sounds, it may become more than a just joke in passing as more of our "family" gets stricken with this monster.
My heart goes out to the family of Bob V., another Cami family member, who passed suddenly earlier this week. Alot of you are surely thinking "why us?", why does it seem like Cami is under the big black cloud in 2008. I too, had thought this but have come to realize that these things are happening every day all over the world, its just that we've grown into the age group where we are more susceptible to all the "nasties" out there. I cannot stress enough how important it is to "live life to its fullest and be as close as possible to your loved ones". You never know when you're going to be called up. LIVE LOVE LAUGH
Well after my blog yesterday, where I told the world about my hair starting to come out, a wonderful friend of mine from work (Linda I.) called me last night to kindly offer the services of her great daughter (Kristi) to come over and buzz it off for me. Now here's the thing....Kristi and I do not know each other from a hole in the ground.....and yet she was kind enough to drive here and help me out. Thats what good people are all about!!! Thank you Linda and Kristi :) You made my night. ( Yes, of course I'll try to post a picture so you can all get your giggle in for the day!!!)
I have my daughter here this weekend, she'll be here after school. My fantastic parents are going to drive her here for me. I have a feeling its going to be a loooooong weekend! lol How can I expect a 6 year old little angel to understand whats going on inside her Daddy's body? I will continue to persevere though, making every moment a cherished one with her.
Health wise, I'm feeling the sun burn of radiation more and more every day. With today being the half-way point, I cringe at how my poor melon is going to feel by day 30. The aloe vera and other creams I've been given are certainly going to get a workout!! My appetite is slowly diminishing, although I somehow manage to eat the amazing foods that have been sent to me thus far. (my hat goes off to Betty, Cathy, Mom, Shirley, my landlord Marilyn, neighbour Christi, and most recently a guy, Sean S. Yes, a guy who can cook up a storm...thanks bud;) If I've forgotten anyone else, I'm going to blame it on my brain surgery ok, so cut me some slack. lol Keeping with the same topic, I also received some delicious food the other day while I was out. Whomever these wonder souls were that dropped it off, I thank you! (oh, and please let me know who you are since I am not one to hoard other's tupperware) :)
After reading this part over, I'm thinking "and you say you have no appetite?? lol But seriously, I can feel the uneasy feeling in my stomach more and more. Lets hope it does not get to that next level where I'm praying to the white throne for hours on end!
FIVE THINGS I AM THANKFUL FOR TODAY:
1. Waking up with the choice of how I want my day to be.
2. For making new friends in the past 24 hours and realizing that my old friends do care!
3. Thankful that Faith will be here to see me this weekend. I need her special hugs right now.
4. That my idle banter on here can at least bring the odd smile to someone's face. And if it brings the odd tear, so be it, it is cleansing ....even for us tough guys ;)
5. For my family.....your love amazes me every day.
Take care and be well to all
Love
me :)
I just finished reading some mail from Heather and Beth who were thanking me for being an "inspiration" to them. Little do they know, they are more of an inspiration to me than anything else. We look to others for the support and understanding during times of crisis and I know that I only need to turn on the computer and read some of their mail to set the day off right. Heather mentioned the 3 of us doing lunch one day and I plan on making sure that happens! Beth jokingly talked about forming a new club at Cami. The CCC...Cami Cancer Club. As humorous as that sounds, it may become more than a just joke in passing as more of our "family" gets stricken with this monster.
My heart goes out to the family of Bob V., another Cami family member, who passed suddenly earlier this week. Alot of you are surely thinking "why us?", why does it seem like Cami is under the big black cloud in 2008. I too, had thought this but have come to realize that these things are happening every day all over the world, its just that we've grown into the age group where we are more susceptible to all the "nasties" out there. I cannot stress enough how important it is to "live life to its fullest and be as close as possible to your loved ones". You never know when you're going to be called up. LIVE LOVE LAUGH
Well after my blog yesterday, where I told the world about my hair starting to come out, a wonderful friend of mine from work (Linda I.) called me last night to kindly offer the services of her great daughter (Kristi) to come over and buzz it off for me. Now here's the thing....Kristi and I do not know each other from a hole in the ground.....and yet she was kind enough to drive here and help me out. Thats what good people are all about!!! Thank you Linda and Kristi :) You made my night. ( Yes, of course I'll try to post a picture so you can all get your giggle in for the day!!!)
I have my daughter here this weekend, she'll be here after school. My fantastic parents are going to drive her here for me. I have a feeling its going to be a loooooong weekend! lol How can I expect a 6 year old little angel to understand whats going on inside her Daddy's body? I will continue to persevere though, making every moment a cherished one with her.
Health wise, I'm feeling the sun burn of radiation more and more every day. With today being the half-way point, I cringe at how my poor melon is going to feel by day 30. The aloe vera and other creams I've been given are certainly going to get a workout!! My appetite is slowly diminishing, although I somehow manage to eat the amazing foods that have been sent to me thus far. (my hat goes off to Betty, Cathy, Mom, Shirley, my landlord Marilyn, neighbour Christi, and most recently a guy, Sean S. Yes, a guy who can cook up a storm...thanks bud;) If I've forgotten anyone else, I'm going to blame it on my brain surgery ok, so cut me some slack. lol Keeping with the same topic, I also received some delicious food the other day while I was out. Whomever these wonder souls were that dropped it off, I thank you! (oh, and please let me know who you are since I am not one to hoard other's tupperware) :)
After reading this part over, I'm thinking "and you say you have no appetite?? lol But seriously, I can feel the uneasy feeling in my stomach more and more. Lets hope it does not get to that next level where I'm praying to the white throne for hours on end!
FIVE THINGS I AM THANKFUL FOR TODAY:
1. Waking up with the choice of how I want my day to be.
2. For making new friends in the past 24 hours and realizing that my old friends do care!
3. Thankful that Faith will be here to see me this weekend. I need her special hugs right now.
4. That my idle banter on here can at least bring the odd smile to someone's face. And if it brings the odd tear, so be it, it is cleansing ....even for us tough guys ;)
5. For my family.....your love amazes me every day.
Take care and be well to all
Love
me :)
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Day 14 of 30...almost half way!!!!
Well its almost 7am, much later than the past few days that I have been writing. I woke up at 1:30am and stayed up until 3am. Then woke again at 5:30ish. Look at me sleeping in eh!! Well I've almost reached the half way point with the first round of treatments. The first two weeks were a breeze but it is now starting to take its toll. Most noticeably, my hair is falling out in clumps now, in the 3 regions that I am getting radiation done. If you've seen me at all in the past few years, you'll know that I was trying to hold onto every strand of hair as it was!! lol On that note, I'm thinking I'd better get it trimmed down close to the wood before the weekend. I have Faith here this weekend and I don't want her to see the "beat up golf course" I'm sporting on my head. Its going to be my mission to keep her as far removed from my pain for as long as possible. I only want her to be happy around me and the only worries she should have is should she trade her peanut butter and jam sandwich at school today!
I'm still reeling at the thoughtfulness of my Cami friends. You guys are turning me into a big softie!! ;) That may not be a bad thing either after 40 years of playing the tough guy. Don't get me wrong, if I'm ever able to return to work, I'll still be the same ole crusty SOB that I always was, pushing the envelope, striving for excellence, demanding that we earn our pay! ;) I miss being there every day. I miss the people, the challenges, the go-go-go atmosphere of it all. I know, call me crazy!!
I also want to publicly apologize to those whom I have not had the opportunity to return phone calls, e-mails etc. This being sick business is very busy and I do not seem to get a free moment some days. Yesterday was an oddity, I was able to nap TWICE during the day! As nice as that sounds, it also is telling me that my body is now requiring more rest to fight this C monster. So please do not be offended....I'm working on it!
Ok, so now I'm needing some help........does anyone from the Tillsonburg are know of a good lawyer. I cannot put this off any longer. My daughter's future depends on my choices now. I need to get this whole final will and testament done and out of the way.
I feel my appetite slowly dwindling now too. Yesterday, my wonderful neighbour offered me a dinner to be brought over and I denied it. And before you comment, yes I know I have to eat, its just getting harder is all.
On a more positive note, I've noticed my Dad seems to be doing better. I was worried about him. I am so his son...we are like twins sometimes. Stubborn, bull-headed, with the "don't worry about me" attitude. Stay strong father, I need you!
I hated asking my doctor yesterday, but I want to apply for a temporary handicap sticker. My leg is not getting any better and parking in the back forty is killin' me. Especially because most days I refuse to believe that anything is wrong with my leg and I try to walk my usual pace. (Yea, short legs but watch them motor!) I was told the first 3 weeks after surgery would be tell-tale for my leg improving or not. Guess I know my answer.
In closing, I want Heather, George, Beth and Lori to know that you are in my thoughts daily, and that you continue to fight and never stop. Its when you stop fighting that it will get the better of you. We are all better than that!! ;)
With love and appreciation....
Ed
Oh and 5 things that make me smile today....
1. opening my eyes and seeing 4am....thats another one for the books!
2. having the ability to communicate with friends and family
3. knowing that I can use the word "love" a little more openly now
4. knowing that the days will be a lil brighter with Daylight Savings Time this Sunday morning
5. believing that I have the best friends on this earth.
I'm still reeling at the thoughtfulness of my Cami friends. You guys are turning me into a big softie!! ;) That may not be a bad thing either after 40 years of playing the tough guy. Don't get me wrong, if I'm ever able to return to work, I'll still be the same ole crusty SOB that I always was, pushing the envelope, striving for excellence, demanding that we earn our pay! ;) I miss being there every day. I miss the people, the challenges, the go-go-go atmosphere of it all. I know, call me crazy!!
I also want to publicly apologize to those whom I have not had the opportunity to return phone calls, e-mails etc. This being sick business is very busy and I do not seem to get a free moment some days. Yesterday was an oddity, I was able to nap TWICE during the day! As nice as that sounds, it also is telling me that my body is now requiring more rest to fight this C monster. So please do not be offended....I'm working on it!
Ok, so now I'm needing some help........does anyone from the Tillsonburg are know of a good lawyer. I cannot put this off any longer. My daughter's future depends on my choices now. I need to get this whole final will and testament done and out of the way.
I feel my appetite slowly dwindling now too. Yesterday, my wonderful neighbour offered me a dinner to be brought over and I denied it. And before you comment, yes I know I have to eat, its just getting harder is all.
On a more positive note, I've noticed my Dad seems to be doing better. I was worried about him. I am so his son...we are like twins sometimes. Stubborn, bull-headed, with the "don't worry about me" attitude. Stay strong father, I need you!
I hated asking my doctor yesterday, but I want to apply for a temporary handicap sticker. My leg is not getting any better and parking in the back forty is killin' me. Especially because most days I refuse to believe that anything is wrong with my leg and I try to walk my usual pace. (Yea, short legs but watch them motor!) I was told the first 3 weeks after surgery would be tell-tale for my leg improving or not. Guess I know my answer.
In closing, I want Heather, George, Beth and Lori to know that you are in my thoughts daily, and that you continue to fight and never stop. Its when you stop fighting that it will get the better of you. We are all better than that!! ;)
With love and appreciation....
Ed
Oh and 5 things that make me smile today....
1. opening my eyes and seeing 4am....thats another one for the books!
2. having the ability to communicate with friends and family
3. knowing that I can use the word "love" a little more openly now
4. knowing that the days will be a lil brighter with Daylight Savings Time this Sunday morning
5. believing that I have the best friends on this earth.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Treatment Day 12 of 30....love that snow! (Ugh)
Happy 45th Birthday Morris!! Best bro-in-law I could ever ask for. He's been nothing but a fantastic man to my sister, my family and me.
Wow, almost at mid-point with this treatment. What a difference a day makes. My hair is REALLY beginning to fall out now. Kind of in clumps in the 3 zones they are doing the radiation. My head is also burnt, the sun-burned feeling (also caused by radiation). These are all to be expected so I am not shocked by any stretch. I'm also feeling the fatigue still, just a little more each day.
Once again I was up at 4:30am.....I honestly believe that SOMETHING is going to happen to me at that hour. Its crazy. I can't even use the work excuse anymore since its been just about a month since I was there. Wow, feels sooooo much longer. I miss the day-to-day hustle of that place! I think I thrived on it. Speaking of work and wonderful people, I got the shock of a lifetime last night. Jim Wallace, Barry Vickery and Mike Evens all stopped over again. This time they came bearing a huge gift bag! (I'm so not good at receiving gifts!) Needless to say, when I opened the card and bag, I was floored. Apparently, what started out as a small collection amongst a few people at work ballooned into enough to purchase a new Sony DVD Camcorder and accessories. I was in total shock and am still shaking my head at the selfless kindness that my Cami friends have shown me in this time of need. You folks are beautiful people!!!!!!!
To top all this off, they also presented me with a fantastic picture of Cami with friend's names scrolled across the perimeter of the frame and a card filled with best wishes from all of them. Wow you say? Oh contraire, they weren't done yet!! They also presented me with an envelope containing almost $700 toward the "Disney Fund". My greatest wish is for Faith and I to be able to get to Disney. Its every kid's dream and I want to fulfill that dream for her. (pausing for my tears again) lol See what I mean, I'm strong as ever until I think of her.....then I'm mush!
So, to ALL of you who cared enough to help this dream come true for her and to allow me to forever record memories, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You will never know how much you have all touched my heart. I will never forget you....never, ever ever!! :) A little birdie told me that Diane Perkins, Lindsey Sheppard and Kirk Butler had a major role in getting stuff done. You guys are awesome!!
A friend of mine suggested to me the other day to think about writing down 5 things that make me happy and/or 5 things I am thankful for. Here we go:
1. My beautiful family......this includes my dear Faith, my parents, sisters and all their husbands, boyfriends and children, my only relatives in Canada my Aunt and Uncle and cousins Donna and Lee in Burlington and all my relatives overseas in England and Scotland who have been very supportive not only to me, but to my parents also.
2. My friends....Wow. I never ever ever thought that I would see the day when I would think to myself, "geez Ed, you've got alot of friends out there in this great big world!!" But yes, I have now seen first hand what true friends do for one another in a time of need. I love all you guys/gals to pieces!!!
3. The challenges my job has brought me over the years. As well as the mentors I've had in the past and present.
4. Technology. Without it, we would not be able to convey these kinds of thoughts etc to the majority of our friends without hiring a team of donkeys to hand deliver a written note to all! (lame humour there)
5. Happy that I've been able to help other people who are a part of my life. Whether it be just through friendship, or late night conversations, or just "being there". Pay it forward remember ;)
Ok, time to get ready for my treatment....if the roads are nasty, I'm turning back home though!
I love you all....
Ed
Wow, almost at mid-point with this treatment. What a difference a day makes. My hair is REALLY beginning to fall out now. Kind of in clumps in the 3 zones they are doing the radiation. My head is also burnt, the sun-burned feeling (also caused by radiation). These are all to be expected so I am not shocked by any stretch. I'm also feeling the fatigue still, just a little more each day.
Once again I was up at 4:30am.....I honestly believe that SOMETHING is going to happen to me at that hour. Its crazy. I can't even use the work excuse anymore since its been just about a month since I was there. Wow, feels sooooo much longer. I miss the day-to-day hustle of that place! I think I thrived on it. Speaking of work and wonderful people, I got the shock of a lifetime last night. Jim Wallace, Barry Vickery and Mike Evens all stopped over again. This time they came bearing a huge gift bag! (I'm so not good at receiving gifts!) Needless to say, when I opened the card and bag, I was floored. Apparently, what started out as a small collection amongst a few people at work ballooned into enough to purchase a new Sony DVD Camcorder and accessories. I was in total shock and am still shaking my head at the selfless kindness that my Cami friends have shown me in this time of need. You folks are beautiful people!!!!!!!
To top all this off, they also presented me with a fantastic picture of Cami with friend's names scrolled across the perimeter of the frame and a card filled with best wishes from all of them. Wow you say? Oh contraire, they weren't done yet!! They also presented me with an envelope containing almost $700 toward the "Disney Fund". My greatest wish is for Faith and I to be able to get to Disney. Its every kid's dream and I want to fulfill that dream for her. (pausing for my tears again) lol See what I mean, I'm strong as ever until I think of her.....then I'm mush!
So, to ALL of you who cared enough to help this dream come true for her and to allow me to forever record memories, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You will never know how much you have all touched my heart. I will never forget you....never, ever ever!! :) A little birdie told me that Diane Perkins, Lindsey Sheppard and Kirk Butler had a major role in getting stuff done. You guys are awesome!!
A friend of mine suggested to me the other day to think about writing down 5 things that make me happy and/or 5 things I am thankful for. Here we go:
1. My beautiful family......this includes my dear Faith, my parents, sisters and all their husbands, boyfriends and children, my only relatives in Canada my Aunt and Uncle and cousins Donna and Lee in Burlington and all my relatives overseas in England and Scotland who have been very supportive not only to me, but to my parents also.
2. My friends....Wow. I never ever ever thought that I would see the day when I would think to myself, "geez Ed, you've got alot of friends out there in this great big world!!" But yes, I have now seen first hand what true friends do for one another in a time of need. I love all you guys/gals to pieces!!!
3. The challenges my job has brought me over the years. As well as the mentors I've had in the past and present.
4. Technology. Without it, we would not be able to convey these kinds of thoughts etc to the majority of our friends without hiring a team of donkeys to hand deliver a written note to all! (lame humour there)
5. Happy that I've been able to help other people who are a part of my life. Whether it be just through friendship, or late night conversations, or just "being there". Pay it forward remember ;)
Ok, time to get ready for my treatment....if the roads are nasty, I'm turning back home though!
I love you all....
Ed
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Closer to the present!!
Hello again. There must be some significance to 4:30am in my life somewhere because there I was again today, staring at the pale blue hue of 4:30AM on my DVD/VCR. Maybe this is the time that I will get the call from someone telling me that they have this miracle cure for my cancer and that I've been chosen as the recipient!!! ;)
Ok, back to business......here I am in week 3 of my treatments. I think I'm seeing the usual effects of it now.....the sun burnt itchy head, my hair is beginning to fall out, the fatigue, and just the overall weariness of the battle. I'm still waiting for the bell to go so I can go out for recess. Surely there HAS to be a break in this, like in school, where you push and shove to get out the door, to be the first one outside to smell the fresh air after being cooped up in a class for what seemed an eternity! I want that back....to be able to smell the freedom.
Gawd, every time I think about writing something that involves my daughter, I crack. I feel like such a letdown to her right now. I know that I will remain strong until my last breath but it is so not fair for her to be denied her daddy. That's the part of this whole thing that I HATE! Dammit.
The tears are flowing now, before the sun even comes up. For that, I apologize, but at the same time, this blog is supposed to about my feelings and thoughts so here they are, good and not so good. I have been what feels like, inundated with appointments for this, appointments for that. Somewhere along the line there has to be a reprieve! (please)
I have to get my last will done soon! I, like so many others, have put this off feeling that "it can't happen to me....at least not at 40 years old!" There are so many things to prepare for....I think I need a week of solitude soon to get this accomplished.
You know, I have so many people to thank, to be grateful for etc. Everyone comes into your life for a reason. People I'd never have thought would care have shown the utmost love and kind thoughts. My mom and dad, my 4 sisters and their families.....the best!! My Cami family, you guys totally rock! That definitely includes people from the hourly and salary teams. With the love you've all shown, I've become more of a believer that there are no borders or fences when one of us is hurting. Us Cami'ites seem to always pull it together in the end, whether it comes to building cars or making the pain of a fellow worker just that little bit less painful. Unfortunately, we've all had to come to the plate many times already in 2008, but trust me, myself, George R, Heather S, Beth T, and Mike S. (RIP) as well as anyone I may have denied their name in the spotlight, appreciate it more than you will ever ever know. (yes, the spotlight thing was a joke people!) Almost 17 years now at Camiland.......you all all certainly worthy of being called "family". :)
Ok, the tears have either ran down my 40 years worth of life crevices on my face and have hit the floor or have dried up in the warmth of my home. Anyways ....onward ho!
My appointment today is a late one....1pm. That bites when you can't count on the weather up here (eh) lol Tomorrow is supposed to be stormy so I guess I'd better be up early! lol Ya, like its a stretch thinking I'm NOT gonna be up at 4am anyways?? heh heh
Don't know if I blabbed about this already, but after my visit last week with my surgeon in Steeltown, he advised me to get my NEXT surgery done during my downtime in April. I will be finished this round of treatments in late March, then I was SUPPOSED to have approx. a month to allow my body to recover before we slam it with a higher dosage of chemo. Well, you know what they say about all good plans...............
Now they want to repair the "large" herniated disc I have between C5 and C6 on my spine. Reason behind fixing this so soon is because it is pressuring against my spinal cord to the degree of about 75%. Its funny, I've seen the pictures....shouldn't this hurt??????? Anyways.....my Neurosurg. says that if I were to be involved in an accident and sustained any kind of whiplash, I'd be talking to him from a wheelchair for life. So yea, all you attractive women out there, please do not cross my path.......no whiplash remember!! lol
Ok, I've blogged enough for today. I am also on a forum on the 'net (www.cancerforum.net) that requires a few replies. This forum is more or less for people who are involved in one way or another, with cancer in thier lives.
Love ya all ;)
Ok, back to business......here I am in week 3 of my treatments. I think I'm seeing the usual effects of it now.....the sun burnt itchy head, my hair is beginning to fall out, the fatigue, and just the overall weariness of the battle. I'm still waiting for the bell to go so I can go out for recess. Surely there HAS to be a break in this, like in school, where you push and shove to get out the door, to be the first one outside to smell the fresh air after being cooped up in a class for what seemed an eternity! I want that back....to be able to smell the freedom.
Gawd, every time I think about writing something that involves my daughter, I crack. I feel like such a letdown to her right now. I know that I will remain strong until my last breath but it is so not fair for her to be denied her daddy. That's the part of this whole thing that I HATE! Dammit.
The tears are flowing now, before the sun even comes up. For that, I apologize, but at the same time, this blog is supposed to about my feelings and thoughts so here they are, good and not so good. I have been what feels like, inundated with appointments for this, appointments for that. Somewhere along the line there has to be a reprieve! (please)
I have to get my last will done soon! I, like so many others, have put this off feeling that "it can't happen to me....at least not at 40 years old!" There are so many things to prepare for....I think I need a week of solitude soon to get this accomplished.
You know, I have so many people to thank, to be grateful for etc. Everyone comes into your life for a reason. People I'd never have thought would care have shown the utmost love and kind thoughts. My mom and dad, my 4 sisters and their families.....the best!! My Cami family, you guys totally rock! That definitely includes people from the hourly and salary teams. With the love you've all shown, I've become more of a believer that there are no borders or fences when one of us is hurting. Us Cami'ites seem to always pull it together in the end, whether it comes to building cars or making the pain of a fellow worker just that little bit less painful. Unfortunately, we've all had to come to the plate many times already in 2008, but trust me, myself, George R, Heather S, Beth T, and Mike S. (RIP) as well as anyone I may have denied their name in the spotlight, appreciate it more than you will ever ever know. (yes, the spotlight thing was a joke people!) Almost 17 years now at Camiland.......you all all certainly worthy of being called "family". :)
Ok, the tears have either ran down my 40 years worth of life crevices on my face and have hit the floor or have dried up in the warmth of my home. Anyways ....onward ho!
My appointment today is a late one....1pm. That bites when you can't count on the weather up here (eh) lol Tomorrow is supposed to be stormy so I guess I'd better be up early! lol Ya, like its a stretch thinking I'm NOT gonna be up at 4am anyways?? heh heh
Don't know if I blabbed about this already, but after my visit last week with my surgeon in Steeltown, he advised me to get my NEXT surgery done during my downtime in April. I will be finished this round of treatments in late March, then I was SUPPOSED to have approx. a month to allow my body to recover before we slam it with a higher dosage of chemo. Well, you know what they say about all good plans...............
Now they want to repair the "large" herniated disc I have between C5 and C6 on my spine. Reason behind fixing this so soon is because it is pressuring against my spinal cord to the degree of about 75%. Its funny, I've seen the pictures....shouldn't this hurt??????? Anyways.....my Neurosurg. says that if I were to be involved in an accident and sustained any kind of whiplash, I'd be talking to him from a wheelchair for life. So yea, all you attractive women out there, please do not cross my path.......no whiplash remember!! lol
Ok, I've blogged enough for today. I am also on a forum on the 'net (www.cancerforum.net) that requires a few replies. This forum is more or less for people who are involved in one way or another, with cancer in thier lives.
Love ya all ;)
Monday, March 3, 2008
First Chemo and Radiation Treatments
So yea, I started my 6 week course of both chemo and radiation on Feb. 19/2008. I have to admit that I wasn't too worried about it all. I just wanted to get the ball rolling and get on with things. The made me my own personalized plastic mesh mask that pretty much envelopes your whole head. This is done by first placing a warmed up neutral mask on your face and then they begin to customize it to your own facial features. This is done so that they can buckle the finished mask to a table (with you in it) so that you cannot move a millimetre during the radiation treatment and also so that the treatment takes place in the exact same spot each time.
The chemo pills (Temodal) are taken at home or where ever, one hour prior to radiation treatment. So on weekends I just take them mid-morning. My morning breakfast consists of about 14 pills right now.
The chemo pills (Temodal) are taken at home or where ever, one hour prior to radiation treatment. So on weekends I just take them mid-morning. My morning breakfast consists of about 14 pills right now.
Sunday, March 2, 2008
To bring the world up to speed......
Ok, so here is a brief history of whats gone on so far......
1. In early September of last year, I started having a numb feeling in my right arm. I thought nothing of it since I've worked in a factory for years and have had "issues" with tingling ever since I can remember hammering on wheel weights for days on end. A little while after this, I began to have the numb feeling in my left leg, only worse. My leg felt as if it were about 30-40% numb all the time and it would actually spasm 10 or 15 times daily.
So I put the stubborn Scotsman in me aside and figured I'd better get it checked out. First, I went to family doc (great guy that Jamie Cluett!) who referred me to a Dr. Dost in Paris Ont. After a few different tests with him, including being sent to Brantford and Woodstock for CATSCANS and MRIs, it was determined that I have a herniated disc between C5 and C6 disc in my neck.
During all this, my CT showed something on my brain. My family doctor called my on Saturday January 12th (my 40th birthday) and told me the news. Looking back, thankfully I had my daughter Faith with me that weekend and we had planned to go for dinner. Daddy was letting her take him out ;) Obviously I was in a state of shock and denial at that point but my little girl managed to get me through the weekend without putting a whole lot of thought into it.
After this news, I went to see Dr.Cluett and he made an appointment to go see a neurosurgeon at Hamilton General Hospital. (Dr.Murty) I think Jamie sent me that way instead of London because he had connections with Dr.Murty and could get me in quicker.
So off I go to Hamilton for the next couple of weeks, undergoing more MRIs and testing. During this time it was determined that I had a brain tumour. We did not know if if was benign or malignant though. That could only be determined after surgery and the mass could be sent for a final pathology report.
I underwent surgery at Hamilton General Hospital on January 23 2008. It was a 3 hour surgery and I came out of it actually feeling pretty damned good considering they had just cracked open my melon and took out a lemon sized tumour! I had alot of family and friends there to support me after the surgery. Love all you guys & gals!!!
Now the waiting game..........
Prior to all of this, my parents had booked a well-deserved 6 week trip to the Yucatan in Mexico. Of course they did not want to go and would rather have been here for me but I insisted that they go. My parents are two wonderful people who have worked hard all their lives and dammit, they deserved to go!!! So after alot of pleading and grovelling, I was able to convince them to go with one stipulation, that I would let them know if any results came in etc. I think it was a little easier for them to leave knowing I had 4 great sisters here at home who would make sure I was taken care of.
Boy, this is getting hard on the eyes and fingers!! lol
So there I waited, for what seemed like a lifetime.....waiting for this final pathology report to be returned and the results given to me. Mom and Dad left on Feb 1/2008 and I finally got the report on I believe Feb 8/2008. (thats my best guesstimate anyways) The report was bad news. I had brain cancer. And to add to that....I had one of the worst types of brain cancer. The cancer I have is called GLIOBLASTOMA GRADE 4. (ps, just Google that stuff and you'll see what its all about!) lol
In a nutshell, a Grade 4 high grade tumour does not have a good prognosis. From what I was told from the medical world and from what I investigated, people with these types of non-curable tumours live anywhere from 9 months to 5 years (and yes, there is the odd miracle thrown in there where they last a bit longer)
So yea, shock, tears, disbelief, sadness, fear, anger.........all those emotions ran rampant through my head for the next while. How could this happen to me? I've got a little girl who I have big plans for!! I loved being a Daddy. She has brought me the most joy I have ever experienced in my life! She is my life!! (ok gotta stop to clear the tears for a minute)
Ok, lets continue!! lol
So, what to do...who to tell! After what seemed an eternity of mulling the whole thing over in my head, I had to tell people. First on the list was obviously family. I called 2 of my sisters and they came and spent the night with me so that we talk,cry and laugh all in a matter of a few hours :) On Friday Feb. 8/2008, my sisters had a plan. They wanted me (and one of them for my health reasons) to fly to Mexico and tell the parents. So sure, off we went to book tickets on a Friday and leave for Mexico on the next day!! GAWD Like I need that stress! ;) We went to Mexico and I ended up telling my parents the prognosis in little bits and pieces. I wanted this to go as smoothly as possible. I even printed off alot of information I had been reading so that they could understand exactly what I was talking about. The week went as well as could be expected but I knew my parents were holding back, trying to be strong for me while I was there.
So back to snowy Canada after a week of pure warm sunshine. Damn! A couple of days later, I find out that my parents have cut their trip short and are returning to Canada. Grrrrrr That kind of upset me because like I said, they deserved this vacation!!
I'll end this blog now and try to get up to date beginning with my first treatment date (Feb 19th 2008)
Still fightin'....
Ed
1. In early September of last year, I started having a numb feeling in my right arm. I thought nothing of it since I've worked in a factory for years and have had "issues" with tingling ever since I can remember hammering on wheel weights for days on end. A little while after this, I began to have the numb feeling in my left leg, only worse. My leg felt as if it were about 30-40% numb all the time and it would actually spasm 10 or 15 times daily.
So I put the stubborn Scotsman in me aside and figured I'd better get it checked out. First, I went to family doc (great guy that Jamie Cluett!) who referred me to a Dr. Dost in Paris Ont. After a few different tests with him, including being sent to Brantford and Woodstock for CATSCANS and MRIs, it was determined that I have a herniated disc between C5 and C6 disc in my neck.
During all this, my CT showed something on my brain. My family doctor called my on Saturday January 12th (my 40th birthday) and told me the news. Looking back, thankfully I had my daughter Faith with me that weekend and we had planned to go for dinner. Daddy was letting her take him out ;) Obviously I was in a state of shock and denial at that point but my little girl managed to get me through the weekend without putting a whole lot of thought into it.
After this news, I went to see Dr.Cluett and he made an appointment to go see a neurosurgeon at Hamilton General Hospital. (Dr.Murty) I think Jamie sent me that way instead of London because he had connections with Dr.Murty and could get me in quicker.
So off I go to Hamilton for the next couple of weeks, undergoing more MRIs and testing. During this time it was determined that I had a brain tumour. We did not know if if was benign or malignant though. That could only be determined after surgery and the mass could be sent for a final pathology report.
I underwent surgery at Hamilton General Hospital on January 23 2008. It was a 3 hour surgery and I came out of it actually feeling pretty damned good considering they had just cracked open my melon and took out a lemon sized tumour! I had alot of family and friends there to support me after the surgery. Love all you guys & gals!!!
Now the waiting game..........
Prior to all of this, my parents had booked a well-deserved 6 week trip to the Yucatan in Mexico. Of course they did not want to go and would rather have been here for me but I insisted that they go. My parents are two wonderful people who have worked hard all their lives and dammit, they deserved to go!!! So after alot of pleading and grovelling, I was able to convince them to go with one stipulation, that I would let them know if any results came in etc. I think it was a little easier for them to leave knowing I had 4 great sisters here at home who would make sure I was taken care of.
Boy, this is getting hard on the eyes and fingers!! lol
So there I waited, for what seemed like a lifetime.....waiting for this final pathology report to be returned and the results given to me. Mom and Dad left on Feb 1/2008 and I finally got the report on I believe Feb 8/2008. (thats my best guesstimate anyways) The report was bad news. I had brain cancer. And to add to that....I had one of the worst types of brain cancer. The cancer I have is called GLIOBLASTOMA GRADE 4. (ps, just Google that stuff and you'll see what its all about!) lol
In a nutshell, a Grade 4 high grade tumour does not have a good prognosis. From what I was told from the medical world and from what I investigated, people with these types of non-curable tumours live anywhere from 9 months to 5 years (and yes, there is the odd miracle thrown in there where they last a bit longer)
So yea, shock, tears, disbelief, sadness, fear, anger.........all those emotions ran rampant through my head for the next while. How could this happen to me? I've got a little girl who I have big plans for!! I loved being a Daddy. She has brought me the most joy I have ever experienced in my life! She is my life!! (ok gotta stop to clear the tears for a minute)
Ok, lets continue!! lol
So, what to do...who to tell! After what seemed an eternity of mulling the whole thing over in my head, I had to tell people. First on the list was obviously family. I called 2 of my sisters and they came and spent the night with me so that we talk,cry and laugh all in a matter of a few hours :) On Friday Feb. 8/2008, my sisters had a plan. They wanted me (and one of them for my health reasons) to fly to Mexico and tell the parents. So sure, off we went to book tickets on a Friday and leave for Mexico on the next day!! GAWD Like I need that stress! ;) We went to Mexico and I ended up telling my parents the prognosis in little bits and pieces. I wanted this to go as smoothly as possible. I even printed off alot of information I had been reading so that they could understand exactly what I was talking about. The week went as well as could be expected but I knew my parents were holding back, trying to be strong for me while I was there.
So back to snowy Canada after a week of pure warm sunshine. Damn! A couple of days later, I find out that my parents have cut their trip short and are returning to Canada. Grrrrrr That kind of upset me because like I said, they deserved this vacation!!
I'll end this blog now and try to get up to date beginning with my first treatment date (Feb 19th 2008)
Still fightin'....
Ed
First kick at this
Well hello world! This is my first kick at attempting to write somewhat of a journal regarding my "Life with Cancer". My life was not nearly as eventful as it is now so I've never bothered to share it. Now that I've been thrown this curveball, I feel its neccessary to share my thoughts and plans with my friends,family and foremost, my beautiful 6 yr old daughter Faith Emily:)
So, here we go....on with "blogging"!!! lol (I feel like a teenager doing this)
So, here we go....on with "blogging"!!! lol (I feel like a teenager doing this)
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