Closer to the present!!

Hello again. There must be some significance to 4:30am in my life somewhere because there I was again today, staring at the pale blue hue of 4:30AM on my DVD/VCR. Maybe this is the time that I will get the call from someone telling me that they have this miracle cure for my cancer and that I've been chosen as the recipient!!! ;)

Ok, back to business......here I am in week 3 of my treatments. I think I'm seeing the usual effects of it now.....the sun burnt itchy head, my hair is beginning to fall out, the fatigue, and just the overall weariness of the battle. I'm still waiting for the bell to go so I can go out for recess. Surely there HAS to be a break in this, like in school, where you push and shove to get out the door, to be the first one outside to smell the fresh air after being cooped up in a class for what seemed an eternity! I want that back....to be able to smell the freedom.

Gawd, every time I think about writing something that involves my daughter, I crack. I feel like such a letdown to her right now. I know that I will remain strong until my last breath but it is so not fair for her to be denied her daddy. That's the part of this whole thing that I HATE! Dammit.
The tears are flowing now, before the sun even comes up. For that, I apologize, but at the same time, this blog is supposed to about my feelings and thoughts so here they are, good and not so good. I have been what feels like, inundated with appointments for this, appointments for that. Somewhere along the line there has to be a reprieve! (please)

I have to get my last will done soon! I, like so many others, have put this off feeling that "it can't happen to me....at least not at 40 years old!" There are so many things to prepare for....I think I need a week of solitude soon to get this accomplished.

You know, I have so many people to thank, to be grateful for etc. Everyone comes into your life for a reason. People I'd never have thought would care have shown the utmost love and kind thoughts. My mom and dad, my 4 sisters and their families.....the best!! My Cami family, you guys totally rock! That definitely includes people from the hourly and salary teams. With the love you've all shown, I've become more of a believer that there are no borders or fences when one of us is hurting. Us Cami'ites seem to always pull it together in the end, whether it comes to building cars or making the pain of a fellow worker just that little bit less painful. Unfortunately, we've all had to come to the plate many times already in 2008, but trust me, myself, George R, Heather S, Beth T, and Mike S. (RIP) as well as anyone I may have denied their name in the spotlight, appreciate it more than you will ever ever know. (yes, the spotlight thing was a joke people!) Almost 17 years now at Camiland.......you all all certainly worthy of being called "family". :)

Ok, the tears have either ran down my 40 years worth of life crevices on my face and have hit the floor or have dried up in the warmth of my home. Anyways ....onward ho!

My appointment today is a late one....1pm. That bites when you can't count on the weather up here (eh) lol Tomorrow is supposed to be stormy so I guess I'd better be up early! lol Ya, like its a stretch thinking I'm NOT gonna be up at 4am anyways?? heh heh

Don't know if I blabbed about this already, but after my visit last week with my surgeon in Steeltown, he advised me to get my NEXT surgery done during my downtime in April. I will be finished this round of treatments in late March, then I was SUPPOSED to have approx. a month to allow my body to recover before we slam it with a higher dosage of chemo. Well, you know what they say about all good plans...............

Now they want to repair the "large" herniated disc I have between C5 and C6 on my spine. Reason behind fixing this so soon is because it is pressuring against my spinal cord to the degree of about 75%. Its funny, I've seen the pictures....shouldn't this hurt??????? Anyways.....my Neurosurg. says that if I were to be involved in an accident and sustained any kind of whiplash, I'd be talking to him from a wheelchair for life. So yea, all you attractive women out there, please do not cross my path.......no whiplash remember!! lol

Ok, I've blogged enough for today. I am also on a forum on the 'net (www.cancerforum.net) that requires a few replies. This forum is more or less for people who are involved in one way or another, with cancer in thier lives.

Love ya all ;)