Ok, the cold winter weather can leave any day now! I'm not sure about you but I've already had enough of the sub-zero temperatures and the snow. This winter season has been like the Winters we used to get when I was growing up. Lots of snow and temperatures that would make your nostrils stick together! Welcome to Canada eh!
I received a Facebook message the other day from a fellow Cancer survivor's mother who gave me some much needed fuel and helped to remind me why I do this blog and that I CAN make a difference, in my own life, as well as helping others to "see the forest through the trees". Here is an except of what this kind lady had to say:
Although we haven`t formally met, I`ve been following your blogs for some time. Heather arranged it so that I could access both your story and Beth`s....and I must say that I have treasured the chance to do so. The journey each of you has been reluctantly taking, simply takes my breath away...and the way each of you has shared the reality of it all, on your computers, is almost unbelievable. Through the words you have shared, you are giving each one of your readers a gift....a priceless gift. Heather`s Dad and I both thank you Ed......and we want you to know we have kept you in our thoughts and prayers ever since Heather put us in touch with your blogs.
What a powerful team you, Beth, Heather and now Bev, have become....each supporting one another.....and without even knowing it, being supported by many others. For example you are each on prayer lists of Ingersoll churches such as St. James and First Baptist....and I can add that your names are remembered in churches in both PEI and Welland...so .don`t you wonder how many more are thinking of you each and every day.....certainly more than you have ever imagined.
Aside from wishing you well Ed, I want to tell you that your writing skills are excellent...and they have continued to grow....spelling, grammar and organization, all tempered with poignant reality and touching inserts of humour...what a balancing act...you`re just amazing. Don`t know what your background has been in terms of education, but clearly you are a gifted writer...was this always your strength or has it been a recently acquired skill. Don`t doubt the value of sharing your thoughts and words Ed... you`ll never know how many people they have impacted....and how many of these people will remain unknown to you. So as I say to Heather..." .Hang in there....and keep on keeping on."
Its comments like this that keep my motivation level high and remind me of all the reasons for fighting my "creeping Charlie". I have been blessed with a beautiful daughter, a wonderful family and amazing friends who have all stepped up to the fight, right along side of me. Who could ask for anything more?!
As for the current status of my moving to St.Thomas, my family and I are continuing our search for something suitable for me. I truly do not want to move into an apartment complex or anything like that for Faith's sake. I want for both of us to be comfortable and at peace in our new home and for me, that means being able to play in the backyard without having to pack up and go to a park, or for me not to stress when she has friends over and they bellow out the "little girl screams" just because they are having fun. I'm sure that something will turn up in the near future for us :)
Well its Soccer Sunday....Faith plays indoor soccer in St.Thomas and I still try to coach her team (or at least be a human pylon). I thoroughly enjoy playing with all the kids every Sunday. It boils down to more than teaching them basic soccer skills too, it has a lot more to do with teaching them right from wrong, basic manners, sportsmanship and friendship. Soccer Sunday is one of the places where I know I will always walk away from with a smile on my face from the hour of fun we had.
On that note, I'd better get my gear together and start my day.
Thanks for everyone's continued support of our fight against the "C" word.
Much love,
Ed
(and I am sure I can, with confidence add Heather's, Beth's and Bev's name to this.) Keep fighting the fight ladies, we are worth every struggle!)
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Back to business
Thank you to all that tossed some prospective housing opportunities my way yesterday. I spent some time with my mom and dad last night and may have possibly come up with "Plan B". Details to follow in a week or so. It was nice spending some one-on-one time with the parents last night after all the "events" that have transpired in our lives over the past few months. It was actually relaxing!! :)
Brad and Jenn Norman...what else can I say about you two fine folks. Once again, they pulled through and sent me a personalized official Calgary Flames jersey with the team's autographs on it. You guys are the best!( of course with Cassie and Jake right beside you)
Any length of sleep still eludes me it seems. That holiday can't come soon enough although I think the idea is realistically going to have to be shelved until I get this housing nonsense taken care of. The rest of the "pile" can just wait!
Ahhh, and before I forget.....thank you all who sent me the birthday cards, electronic wishes etc. Your thoughtfulness seems un-ending :)
Have a splendiferous day!! (feel free to use that Ed-ism)
Til then....
Ed
Brad and Jenn Norman...what else can I say about you two fine folks. Once again, they pulled through and sent me a personalized official Calgary Flames jersey with the team's autographs on it. You guys are the best!( of course with Cassie and Jake right beside you)
Any length of sleep still eludes me it seems. That holiday can't come soon enough although I think the idea is realistically going to have to be shelved until I get this housing nonsense taken care of. The rest of the "pile" can just wait!
Ahhh, and before I forget.....thank you all who sent me the birthday cards, electronic wishes etc. Your thoughtfulness seems un-ending :)
Have a splendiferous day!! (feel free to use that Ed-ism)
Til then....
Ed
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Caution!! Venting Time...Beware!!!
So there I was, bringing 2009 in on a sad note to begin with....my daughter's Grandma passed away on New Year's Eve. I got to thinking that with any good fortune whatsoever, that will be the end of an otherwise challenging year and that come that ever so "magical" midnight hour, the slate would be wiped clean and I'd be set for some positive days to come!
Well, it didn't take long for that bubble to be burst I'll tell ya!! Between family and friend "challenges" that have decided to pop up, its been like playing "Whack-a-Mole" at the local Fair! Is it 2010 yet??
To top it all off (and we are only at January 14th) is the news I received yesterday regarding my move to St.Thomas. Apparently, only 15 or so days before I was to turn my life inside out and upside down by moving closer to my family and daughter, my new landlord, Mr. Rene Buttazzoni decides that he has changed his mind and does not wish to rent his vacant house to me, or anyone else for that matter. Instead, I've been told, he wishes to put it back on the thriving real estate market in St.Thomas (oh, thats right, the same place where the Sterling Facility, along with undoubtedly numerous tier one, two and three suppliers, will be shutting its doors in March of this year, thus putting a few thousand unfortunate souls out of a means of putting food on their family's table)
Normally, I would not be too upset with this type of behaviour, but I was also told that it was his daughter who convinced , or should that read coerced him into this decision! Unbeknown st to her, the financial burden it had already put on me by having to purchase 4 appliances for this home, pay more rent as well as uproot my house and home of the past 6 years in the Tillsonburg area. Oh and the deal was supposed to be that I'd move in Feb. 1st and would also remain obligated to my current home until Mar. 1st. So here I sit now, with less than 45 days to find a home, hopefully in St.Thomas and if not, at least the surrounding area.
For anyone who may read this and may know the Buttazzoni family, please send along my heartfelt thanks for kick-starting my 2009 into high gear. I think if I tilt my plate to the side, it may allow a few other important things to slide off and onto the floor, to be forgotten about, while I add this proverbial steaming turd to an already over-flowing plate of crap to deal with.
If anyone out there knows of a decent home for rent, I am looking for something with few stairs, a minimum of 3 bedrooms and if I'm putting a wish list together, it'd have Central Air, a bathroom on the main floor(s), an attached garage, a private yard for Faith to play in and be located within 25km of St.Thomas. I'm also looking to pay no more than $800/mth. Yes,I KNOW thats pretty much a mortgage payment but have you ever gone to the bank and said "Hi, I've got a terminal cancer, can I borrow some money please?" lol
Ok, now that I've blurted out my frustration, you may now return to your regularly scheduled programming. I apologize for the interruption :)
No worries though folks...I'll be back to "normal" soonest!
Til next time,
Still sincerely and thankful,
Ed
Well, it didn't take long for that bubble to be burst I'll tell ya!! Between family and friend "challenges" that have decided to pop up, its been like playing "Whack-a-Mole" at the local Fair! Is it 2010 yet??
To top it all off (and we are only at January 14th) is the news I received yesterday regarding my move to St.Thomas. Apparently, only 15 or so days before I was to turn my life inside out and upside down by moving closer to my family and daughter, my new landlord, Mr. Rene Buttazzoni decides that he has changed his mind and does not wish to rent his vacant house to me, or anyone else for that matter. Instead, I've been told, he wishes to put it back on the thriving real estate market in St.Thomas (oh, thats right, the same place where the Sterling Facility, along with undoubtedly numerous tier one, two and three suppliers, will be shutting its doors in March of this year, thus putting a few thousand unfortunate souls out of a means of putting food on their family's table)
Normally, I would not be too upset with this type of behaviour, but I was also told that it was his daughter who convinced , or should that read coerced him into this decision! Unbeknown st to her, the financial burden it had already put on me by having to purchase 4 appliances for this home, pay more rent as well as uproot my house and home of the past 6 years in the Tillsonburg area. Oh and the deal was supposed to be that I'd move in Feb. 1st and would also remain obligated to my current home until Mar. 1st. So here I sit now, with less than 45 days to find a home, hopefully in St.Thomas and if not, at least the surrounding area.
For anyone who may read this and may know the Buttazzoni family, please send along my heartfelt thanks for kick-starting my 2009 into high gear. I think if I tilt my plate to the side, it may allow a few other important things to slide off and onto the floor, to be forgotten about, while I add this proverbial steaming turd to an already over-flowing plate of crap to deal with.
If anyone out there knows of a decent home for rent, I am looking for something with few stairs, a minimum of 3 bedrooms and if I'm putting a wish list together, it'd have Central Air, a bathroom on the main floor(s), an attached garage, a private yard for Faith to play in and be located within 25km of St.Thomas. I'm also looking to pay no more than $800/mth. Yes,I KNOW thats pretty much a mortgage payment but have you ever gone to the bank and said "Hi, I've got a terminal cancer, can I borrow some money please?" lol
Ok, now that I've blurted out my frustration, you may now return to your regularly scheduled programming. I apologize for the interruption :)
No worries though folks...I'll be back to "normal" soonest!
Til next time,
Still sincerely and thankful,
Ed
Friday, January 9, 2009
MRI Results
Well, this is one of very few times you will hear me say that I am GLAD I was wrong!! Today's results showed no positive tumour growth in the brain. I got to view the MRI scans and did not notice any "mass" growing either.
A few things that did catch the attention of my Oncologist were that there is still swelling around the brain where the last resection was done. He will be scheduling me an appointment to see my Neurosurgeon to review that as well as the small hole that remains in my skin. This hole is allowing water and God knows what else to get in and out of my head, leaving me susceptible to infection and/or the possibility of more surgery to clean it out. They want me to remain on the steroids for now to continue to fight the brain swelling but have introduced another weaning schedule to try and get me off of them (or at least to a lower dosage to minimize side effects)
The Doc also said that with me going back on the steroid, that it could have raised my awareness of my left arm numbness and motor control since the headaches were being taken care of by the steroid.
The MRI showed substantial scar tissue which could also be pressuring against the Motor Strip causing the left arm issues.
Overall, the Oncologist was satisfied with the results but now since I have recovered 99% from the surgery, he wants to perform an MRI every 3 months. As we've discussed earlier, this type of terminal cancer cannot always be detected when the cells are so small until the begin to form a cluster. I am by no means out of the woods but at least know that I am so far beating the odds :)
All this being said....I'll now breathe a little easier until the next MRI and I'll be doing some re-organization within my own life soon. I'll be moving to St.Thomas during Feb and Mar and am looking to get away somewhere warm and peaceful for a week or two in the very near future just to re-group and analyze where I'm at in my life and where I want to be going forward. Yeah, I know...it sounds pretty deep eh! lol But really, it is!
Thank you to all who have posted thier comments and well-wishes on here as well as through other means. Its positive support like yours that makes this challenge of mine, a lot easier to deal with every day.
With true sincerity,
Ed
A few things that did catch the attention of my Oncologist were that there is still swelling around the brain where the last resection was done. He will be scheduling me an appointment to see my Neurosurgeon to review that as well as the small hole that remains in my skin. This hole is allowing water and God knows what else to get in and out of my head, leaving me susceptible to infection and/or the possibility of more surgery to clean it out. They want me to remain on the steroids for now to continue to fight the brain swelling but have introduced another weaning schedule to try and get me off of them (or at least to a lower dosage to minimize side effects)
The Doc also said that with me going back on the steroid, that it could have raised my awareness of my left arm numbness and motor control since the headaches were being taken care of by the steroid.
The MRI showed substantial scar tissue which could also be pressuring against the Motor Strip causing the left arm issues.
Overall, the Oncologist was satisfied with the results but now since I have recovered 99% from the surgery, he wants to perform an MRI every 3 months. As we've discussed earlier, this type of terminal cancer cannot always be detected when the cells are so small until the begin to form a cluster. I am by no means out of the woods but at least know that I am so far beating the odds :)
All this being said....I'll now breathe a little easier until the next MRI and I'll be doing some re-organization within my own life soon. I'll be moving to St.Thomas during Feb and Mar and am looking to get away somewhere warm and peaceful for a week or two in the very near future just to re-group and analyze where I'm at in my life and where I want to be going forward. Yeah, I know...it sounds pretty deep eh! lol But really, it is!
Thank you to all who have posted thier comments and well-wishes on here as well as through other means. Its positive support like yours that makes this challenge of mine, a lot easier to deal with every day.
With true sincerity,
Ed
D-Day
Well, the day is here. Sigh
I can't lie and say I've slept like a baby this past week. My mind has been working overtime wondering what the outcome of today will be. I am totally aware that whatever is going on in my head with respect to tumour activity is a done deal already. Whether its there or not...I just want to know dammit. I really don't care for the "unknown".
I think I may have mentioned my own personal thoughts in my last post, on what is going on up there...and unfortunately, I still feel that way. I only say this because I know my body, I know the previous symptoms and previous pain, such as the constant morning headaches. The left arm numbness and loss of fine motor control is the big red flag for me really. Prior to my last surgeries (not many of us can boast of having 2 brain surgeries in less than one year eh!) I felt the exact same numbness etc. This was/is caused by the tumour mass pushing against the Motor Strip of the brain. That being said, I'm walking in there today hoping for the best, but preparing for the worst. Either way, I'll just continue to deal with what is thrown my way and keep tossing it back while telling them "Hey, I'm not ready yet!!"
I will update this page sometime this evening after I return from the Cancer Clinic. My appointment isn't until 3:30pm with bloodwork at 3pm.
Until then...
I can't lie and say I've slept like a baby this past week. My mind has been working overtime wondering what the outcome of today will be. I am totally aware that whatever is going on in my head with respect to tumour activity is a done deal already. Whether its there or not...I just want to know dammit. I really don't care for the "unknown".
I think I may have mentioned my own personal thoughts in my last post, on what is going on up there...and unfortunately, I still feel that way. I only say this because I know my body, I know the previous symptoms and previous pain, such as the constant morning headaches. The left arm numbness and loss of fine motor control is the big red flag for me really. Prior to my last surgeries (not many of us can boast of having 2 brain surgeries in less than one year eh!) I felt the exact same numbness etc. This was/is caused by the tumour mass pushing against the Motor Strip of the brain. That being said, I'm walking in there today hoping for the best, but preparing for the worst. Either way, I'll just continue to deal with what is thrown my way and keep tossing it back while telling them "Hey, I'm not ready yet!!"
I will update this page sometime this evening after I return from the Cancer Clinic. My appointment isn't until 3:30pm with bloodwork at 3pm.
Until then...
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
New year but same hopes and dreams
Hello everyone:
Wow, hard to believe that its been since December 2nd since I last posted anything on here. I guess so much had been going on in my life with my sister being hospitalized for a month and some other personal stuff, that I felt the need to put my blogging on the shelf for the time being.
Looking back over this "blogless" time frame, I can only wonder what the plan is for each and every one of us. Or are we too busy in the "now" to be concerned about the "future" and forgetting about the "then"? I feel as if I've been given a glimpse of this and I don't like it at all. I truly believe that we all need to slow the train down and "think" before we "act" or we're all going to end up in a crash that will leave us good for naught. ~ok, I'm stepping off the soapbox now!~
I'm very happy to inform you all that my younger sister Angela has recovered remarkably well from her ordeal. She still has some rehabilitative measures to work on, but other than that, she is back to being a healthy woman. Her fiends,co-workers and family certainly came through to ensure that she and her 3 children had a terrific Christmas. Stories like hers always remind me to be thankful for what I HAVE, and not what I HAVE NOT. Once again, I'd personally like to thank each and every kind soul out there who was gracious enough to time, gifts, and love to supporting Angela and her family throughout this crisis.
Ok, onto me now! Geez, its been nice to be out of the limelight actually for a while!! But I guess, as everything goes....all good things must come to an end. Here I am, back to talking about the dreaded "C" word.
On Saturday Jan 3rd, I went for my latest MRI. I should have the results given to me on Jan 9th at my Cancer Clinic appointmet in London. Unfortunately, I'm not expecting good news. I don't say this out of simple fear or anything, but rather out of the symptoms that have returned and are mirror image of the last 2 tumours. My left arm has become very weak again and I notice losing motor control of it too. I have also been experiencing the consistant morning headaches until my Oncologist decided to put me back on the steroid that I had finally been weaned off, about a month ago. So yes, the headaches have subsided but only due to the anti-brain sweeling steroids. (a.k.a. the band-aid to get me through to this next MRI) Along with steroids comes the lack of ability to sleep properly I've noticed. Ughh
So, this Friday, I expect to be told that the tumour has returned. No crying, no whining.....its just back! If my suspicions are true, I will just deal with it the same way I did over the past year when I underwent 2 brain surgeries. Be as positive a person as I can be, be thankful for what I have, not long for what I don't have, and appreciate everything and everyone who is a positive influence in my life.
I have also made the bittersweet decision to move back to St.Thomas in Feb./Mar. I really don't like the idea of leaving my current home but I feel that it is time to be closer to the family and my daughter. I've managed to get a nice house in the north end of the city.
Thank you all for your patience during my "blog-free" time, allowing me to focus on my family and other personal matters during the past month. I will be updating the blog more frequently again and will certainly inform you all of this Friday's results. My appt is not until 3:30pm so don't expect anything until later that evening please.
Wishing you all a prosperous, safe and joyous New Year.
All the best to you and yours.....
Ed
Wow, hard to believe that its been since December 2nd since I last posted anything on here. I guess so much had been going on in my life with my sister being hospitalized for a month and some other personal stuff, that I felt the need to put my blogging on the shelf for the time being.
Looking back over this "blogless" time frame, I can only wonder what the plan is for each and every one of us. Or are we too busy in the "now" to be concerned about the "future" and forgetting about the "then"? I feel as if I've been given a glimpse of this and I don't like it at all. I truly believe that we all need to slow the train down and "think" before we "act" or we're all going to end up in a crash that will leave us good for naught. ~ok, I'm stepping off the soapbox now!~
I'm very happy to inform you all that my younger sister Angela has recovered remarkably well from her ordeal. She still has some rehabilitative measures to work on, but other than that, she is back to being a healthy woman. Her fiends,co-workers and family certainly came through to ensure that she and her 3 children had a terrific Christmas. Stories like hers always remind me to be thankful for what I HAVE, and not what I HAVE NOT. Once again, I'd personally like to thank each and every kind soul out there who was gracious enough to time, gifts, and love to supporting Angela and her family throughout this crisis.
Ok, onto me now! Geez, its been nice to be out of the limelight actually for a while!! But I guess, as everything goes....all good things must come to an end. Here I am, back to talking about the dreaded "C" word.
On Saturday Jan 3rd, I went for my latest MRI. I should have the results given to me on Jan 9th at my Cancer Clinic appointmet in London. Unfortunately, I'm not expecting good news. I don't say this out of simple fear or anything, but rather out of the symptoms that have returned and are mirror image of the last 2 tumours. My left arm has become very weak again and I notice losing motor control of it too. I have also been experiencing the consistant morning headaches until my Oncologist decided to put me back on the steroid that I had finally been weaned off, about a month ago. So yes, the headaches have subsided but only due to the anti-brain sweeling steroids. (a.k.a. the band-aid to get me through to this next MRI) Along with steroids comes the lack of ability to sleep properly I've noticed. Ughh
So, this Friday, I expect to be told that the tumour has returned. No crying, no whining.....its just back! If my suspicions are true, I will just deal with it the same way I did over the past year when I underwent 2 brain surgeries. Be as positive a person as I can be, be thankful for what I have, not long for what I don't have, and appreciate everything and everyone who is a positive influence in my life.
I have also made the bittersweet decision to move back to St.Thomas in Feb./Mar. I really don't like the idea of leaving my current home but I feel that it is time to be closer to the family and my daughter. I've managed to get a nice house in the north end of the city.
Thank you all for your patience during my "blog-free" time, allowing me to focus on my family and other personal matters during the past month. I will be updating the blog more frequently again and will certainly inform you all of this Friday's results. My appt is not until 3:30pm so don't expect anything until later that evening please.
Wishing you all a prosperous, safe and joyous New Year.
All the best to you and yours.....
Ed
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