50th Post

So according to the website, this is my 50th post so far. So fifty times, I have laid out my story to whomever cared to peruse "My Life with Cancer"....as written by an amateur with little to no experience in writing other than when I was a kid writing love letters to the girls in school! Maybe I should write for the Tillsonburg News to help fill up their paper!?

Writing the blog has been very therapeutic for me. For anyone who knows me on a personal level, they'd tell you that I am a very quiet, no nonsense kind of person who shows little emotion or compassion. That has been me for 40 years on this earth....to the outside world anyways. I can only hope that this event in my life has taught me to express a little more "emotion, "compassion" and other things that I've kept bottled up over the years. I think we all have to remember that "God never promised us tomorrow" so make the best of what you have today and make sure you let those close to you know exactly how you feel about them. For that matter, those who've pis*ed you off in the past and you've just let it slide....let them know too! Let them know that it hurt when they did that, said that or whatever. I'd sooner have someone tell me that I ticked them off rather than me to go around thinking that all is good and I've done no wrong. ( Oh I hear the line-up at my door now!!)

Ok, I just fell off my soapbox so now let me ramble on about Cancer stuff. Its been one week now since surgery #2 to remove yet another lemon-sized tumour from my brain and I have to say that I don't know how, whether it be the stubborn Scotsman in me or by the grace of God, but I've pulled it off once again. In and out of the hospital in 3 days feeling "almost" like a million bucks. Whatever it is that allows me to regain my strength so fast and recover so quickly, dammit I wish I could bottle it and give it to those who aren't nearly as lucky as me.

I want to thank everyone who respected my wishes to have a quiet weekend at home this past weekend. I truly needed that. It turned out being a very sullen weekend due to some events that transpired but none the less, thank you again. In a nutshell, I guess you could say that I've taken back ownership of being my own guardian angel. I will allow you to take that and run with it as you may.

My leg is still worse than prior to surgery. The doc says it would be normal for this to happen but I guess I need to ask the question of "but for how long"? My left leg severely drags now and I am wearing through too many shoes dammit! I have now been told to seek a custom-made orthotic for my lower leg and ankle....anyone know of any good "fitters"?? The sooner the better I guess because I'm tired of looking behind me waiting for my leg to catch up!! I received a stack of medical reports yesterday regarding me that I have to send off to Canada Pension Disability. I got a little down in the dumps after reading the last report from my LRCC cancer doctor stating that this is a non-curable cancer and we are just now concentrating on what we can do to maintain quality of life before he requires more in-home care and eventually permanent hospitalization. Those comments hit home pretty hard. I guess I have always known in the back of my head that those eventualities could come, I just never expected to see them written on paper with my name at the top of it. So yeah, its time for me to get busy with my recovery and get Faith to her little fantasyland. I'm thinking it may be time for me to start that bucket list. There is no time like the present and I need to learn to grasp each opportunity instead of putting it off until tomorrow.

They have decided to now try to reduce my steroid medication gradually now also. This med is what controls the brain swelling. As of yesterday, I am now down to 2 of these pills a day compared to my normal of 3. Its a gradual thing that will last until early October at which point I will be taking none hopefully. Hopefully I will only see "good" side effects coming off this drug and not some of the scary ones. I've asked a couple of close friends to tap me on the shoulder if they see me getting all whackked or anything.

I have a follow-up appt for the surgery in early October and I'll be heading back to the drawing table at the London Regional Cancer Clinic in a week or two to see what the next "plan" may be.

I am working away at getting caught up on my e-mail so please don't think I'm ignoring anyone....I'm just one guy though, with 9.5 fingers remember! ;)

Thanks for listening and caring...

Love

Ed