Hello:
I apologize for the lack of blogs over the past month. I find that my life has been in a state of turmoil the past couple of months. I am desperately trying to fix that.
I was just informed that another friend of mine from high school has been diagnosed with the dreaded C-word. I wish this stuff would just go away. Lately I've been growing weary of the fight but I am sure I will snap out of it soon. I feel beaten right now....by an invisible enemy. An enemy who does not care whether it strikes a man, woman or child. I hate cancer with a passion.
I'm looking to move again. I am not looking forward to that either but as I sit here in what I refer to as the dungeon,(my basement apt) I know its in my best interest (health and sanity) to get out of here. Tomorrow (or later today I guess) I'm looking at a house to rent which I think I'd be much happier in. Its more expensive obviously but I think that I cannot allow my happiness for whatever time I have left, to be put on the back-burner.
On the brighter side of things.....I put a call into my local MPP's office to see if they could assist me in fast-tracking the return of my driver's license. My Oncologist wrote to the MTO on May 5th/09 stating he feels (in his professional opinion) I am competent to drive again. He also informed me of the gov't delays that I should expect. (a min. of 1-2 months for them to review it) So I'll just hurry up and wait I guess.
I'm back to not sleeping worth a hill of beans lately again. Not sure of the root cause and I can't be bothered telling the folks at the Cancer Clinic anymore because they just seem to dismiss it anymore. Don't get me wrong, I feel they do some fantastic work there and the staff are amazing...I just feel that a lot of times I'm looked upon as a formality to them when they see me, given my prognosis.
My Family Doctor put me on some "happy pills" a while ago that I think are starting to kick in. Between those and some sleeping pills....all the world will be right again! lol
Not really sure what else to add except that my next MRI will be in July.
My thoughts and prayers are always still with my 3 Cami girls and now also with Steve P.
Later
Ed
Anyways, back to the MPP....they have contacted the MTO and were given the response that my "case is too difficult for everyday staffers" so they are going to involve a Specialist of some sort to deal with it. Whatever!!! My MPP's office said they are supposed to get some more information by June 17/09 and will contact me then.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Spineless Creatures
Well I see someone else decided they would attempt to slander me by means of discussing a past relationship of mine. Sad part is....they obviously have no clue of what transpired. I could not help but laugh when I read it. I have never claimed to be the King of Relationships anyways. I know I've made my share of mistakes but then again, haven't most of us? The majority of what they wrote was false and slanderous to say the least! (Especially some of the "serious" things they wrote) I have changed the settings on my blog to stop this kind of childishness. Apparently some people are more concerned with other's lives while their own world falls around them. And not surprisingly, the person lacked the testicular fortitude to leave a name. At the end of the day, it goes like the old saying..."There is his side of the story, her side of the story and then there is the truth" Kinda makes me glad I didn't move back to St.Thomas some days ;)
PS: I did delete the comment because of the false statements in it.
Ed
PS: I did delete the comment because of the false statements in it.
Ed
Monday, May 4, 2009
MRI Update
Results of the MRI showed no new growth at this point, only the residual from my last operation. Will continue to have an MRI done every 3 months to monitor for new growth etc. Thank you to all who sent well wishes and prayers etc.
Ed
Ed
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Stay tuned....
Had my MRI yesterday. Results will be known on Monday when I go for my follow-up appointment at the Cancer Clinic .
Ed
Ed
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Well didn't that start a little fire!!
Hello all, its me, Ed McDade, owner and author of this blog page. I'm happy to announce that my move is pretty much complete. Thank you to all my family and friends that assisted and/or offered their help (I could not have done it without you!) I think I should have taken that trip AFTER my move instead of before it! What was I thinking! lol
Ok, now its time for me to respond to the 27 comments left after I posted my last blog. Firstly, this site is NOT intended to provide uplifting inspiration or anything else for that matter. It is intended to allow me a venue to express my innermost thoughts, whether they be good, bad or indifferent. If it does inspire or make people think about whats going on in their own life, then great, that's an added bonus. In the end, I do appreciate everyone's comments although I disagree with the ability to leave "anonymous" signatures after you post. I think if you have the need to reply in a manner that may be deemed non-positive or could be taken out of context, you should at least have the courtesy to send me an e-mail, so I can reply to you personally without the rest of the on-line world being involved.
I am not here to slam,demean or demoralize anyone. Anything and everything I have written is the truth, and yes, sometimes the truth hurts. But in the end, the truth prevails. I will be ensuring that this blog is printed off and a copy goes to my daughter when the time is appropriate. If I am not around to explain to her myself, at least she will know that this is what I thought about and dealt with during this battle. There are enough people (both family and friends) that I trust will make sure that Faith remembers her REAL daddy and what he was like, what he stood for etc.
In closing, I'd like to once again thank everyone for their comments, whether I or anyone else agreed with them or not. In the future though, please attach your name or at least shoot me a mail saying "hey Ed, that comment was from me, and here's why I said it". That way, I'll at least know that you are not replying to the blog just for the sake of stirring the pot or otherwise.
Take care,
Ed McDade
ed_mcdade@hotmail.com
Ok, now its time for me to respond to the 27 comments left after I posted my last blog. Firstly, this site is NOT intended to provide uplifting inspiration or anything else for that matter. It is intended to allow me a venue to express my innermost thoughts, whether they be good, bad or indifferent. If it does inspire or make people think about whats going on in their own life, then great, that's an added bonus. In the end, I do appreciate everyone's comments although I disagree with the ability to leave "anonymous" signatures after you post. I think if you have the need to reply in a manner that may be deemed non-positive or could be taken out of context, you should at least have the courtesy to send me an e-mail, so I can reply to you personally without the rest of the on-line world being involved.
I am not here to slam,demean or demoralize anyone. Anything and everything I have written is the truth, and yes, sometimes the truth hurts. But in the end, the truth prevails. I will be ensuring that this blog is printed off and a copy goes to my daughter when the time is appropriate. If I am not around to explain to her myself, at least she will know that this is what I thought about and dealt with during this battle. There are enough people (both family and friends) that I trust will make sure that Faith remembers her REAL daddy and what he was like, what he stood for etc.
In closing, I'd like to once again thank everyone for their comments, whether I or anyone else agreed with them or not. In the future though, please attach your name or at least shoot me a mail saying "hey Ed, that comment was from me, and here's why I said it". That way, I'll at least know that you are not replying to the blog just for the sake of stirring the pot or otherwise.
Take care,
Ed McDade
ed_mcdade@hotmail.com
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Still kickin'
Its been a while since I've written anything on here. My only excuses are that I've been tied up in a lot of family matters that I won't bore you with and that I am finally preparing to move in a couple of weeks. The packing alone is a slow and tedious process when you've only got one good functioning leg. I can certainly empathize with one of our great Canadian heroes, Terry Fox, who battled daily to just "keep on moving along". My left leg will never get any better, it will always remain about 30-40% numb and I'll never have much control over its actions. That has to be the most frustrating part of my life right now. Not the fact that I am, according to the Doctors, more than 1/2 way into my life expectancy of 1.5 to 2 years. I can deal with that at a later date....its the "here and now" that is ticking me off. For those of you that know me personally, you'll remember me as always on the go, never afraid of a little hard work or sweat and more than willing to lend a helping hand.
These things have been taken from me now and that infuriates me to no end. Now I have to rely on others to take up the slack where I used to be able to. For 6 years I have been picking up my daughter every other weekend as well as taking her to indoor and outdoor soccer and dance on my off weekends without any grumbling. The Ministry of Transportation, along with my Oncologist, decided that due to my condition, they would revoke my driver's licence last March 2008. I was able to get away with it until about a month ago when I got pulled over by the town coppers. They must have decided to run my plates and of course it came back saying "license suspended due to medical reasons". Luckily I was able to get away without a fine but was informed that the next time I would face a minimum fine of $5000.00 all the way up to $25000.00. When I go for my MRI next month, I will be talking with my Oncologist about the possibility of getting my license back. In the meantime, stubborn old me will probably continue to drive (in stealth-mode of course). Faith's mother, however, will not allow Faith to be in the car with me. I have mixed feelings on that but I can see her point of view to an extent.
I guess where I am headed with this is that I am not happy with my daughter's mother right now for a couple of reasons...firstly, she seems to think that my family should do some of the driving to transport Faith to my place (50km each way) since she won't be able to do it all the time. Excuse me but my family did not give birth to OUR daughter, we did! Secondly, Faith's mom also is wanting MORE support money from me even though we both agreed on a set amount after my income was reduced to 60% of what I used to make. The amount agreed upon was 60% of what I used to pay her. To me, that seems only fair and I am sure the Family Responsibility Office would agree. I guess I am supposed to suck it up, deal with a terminal illness, pay for meds and equipment that are not covered by my Drug/Benefit plan, while she continues to live her life without ANY changes to HER finances. I have offered to go above and beyond what I am legally responsible to pay, between what I can give her, and what Canada Pension Disability can contribute for Faith, but she has not got back to me on this. I am by no means trying to slam this person but this is what I deal with. Its no wonder that some days I just want to shut the whole thing down and "log off" from the world,and go into hibernate mode!
I apologize for hammering this out on my blog but I guess this is my only place to vent without fear of repercussion since my ex has never bothered to read my blog from day one.
On a bit of a more positive note, I just returned from a trip to Punta Cana with a friend of mine. The trip was enjoyable but it physically drained me. I don't think I'll be travelling too far in the near future. I now just need to focus on getting this move completed and by that time, hopefully some warmer weather will be here and I can breathe again.
Please do not think I am feeling sorry for myself because I am not....I am only voicing my frustration of my physical limitations and my frustrations with certain people. I will continue to persevere and trudge onward as I have always done. Nothing will stop me, not a woman, not a cop or anything else who decides to get in my way. What have I got to lose right!! (wink)
I shall close off now and wait to hear all the shocking comments. lol
Remaining strong-willed and positive......
Ed McDade
These things have been taken from me now and that infuriates me to no end. Now I have to rely on others to take up the slack where I used to be able to. For 6 years I have been picking up my daughter every other weekend as well as taking her to indoor and outdoor soccer and dance on my off weekends without any grumbling. The Ministry of Transportation, along with my Oncologist, decided that due to my condition, they would revoke my driver's licence last March 2008. I was able to get away with it until about a month ago when I got pulled over by the town coppers. They must have decided to run my plates and of course it came back saying "license suspended due to medical reasons". Luckily I was able to get away without a fine but was informed that the next time I would face a minimum fine of $5000.00 all the way up to $25000.00. When I go for my MRI next month, I will be talking with my Oncologist about the possibility of getting my license back. In the meantime, stubborn old me will probably continue to drive (in stealth-mode of course). Faith's mother, however, will not allow Faith to be in the car with me. I have mixed feelings on that but I can see her point of view to an extent.
I guess where I am headed with this is that I am not happy with my daughter's mother right now for a couple of reasons...firstly, she seems to think that my family should do some of the driving to transport Faith to my place (50km each way) since she won't be able to do it all the time. Excuse me but my family did not give birth to OUR daughter, we did! Secondly, Faith's mom also is wanting MORE support money from me even though we both agreed on a set amount after my income was reduced to 60% of what I used to make. The amount agreed upon was 60% of what I used to pay her. To me, that seems only fair and I am sure the Family Responsibility Office would agree. I guess I am supposed to suck it up, deal with a terminal illness, pay for meds and equipment that are not covered by my Drug/Benefit plan, while she continues to live her life without ANY changes to HER finances. I have offered to go above and beyond what I am legally responsible to pay, between what I can give her, and what Canada Pension Disability can contribute for Faith, but she has not got back to me on this. I am by no means trying to slam this person but this is what I deal with. Its no wonder that some days I just want to shut the whole thing down and "log off" from the world,and go into hibernate mode!
I apologize for hammering this out on my blog but I guess this is my only place to vent without fear of repercussion since my ex has never bothered to read my blog from day one.
On a bit of a more positive note, I just returned from a trip to Punta Cana with a friend of mine. The trip was enjoyable but it physically drained me. I don't think I'll be travelling too far in the near future. I now just need to focus on getting this move completed and by that time, hopefully some warmer weather will be here and I can breathe again.
Please do not think I am feeling sorry for myself because I am not....I am only voicing my frustration of my physical limitations and my frustrations with certain people. I will continue to persevere and trudge onward as I have always done. Nothing will stop me, not a woman, not a cop or anything else who decides to get in my way. What have I got to lose right!! (wink)
I shall close off now and wait to hear all the shocking comments. lol
Remaining strong-willed and positive......
Ed McDade
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Moving
Hi all:
Well the search is over. No more house-hunting for me! I've finally found a place in Tillsonburg. The original plan was to move back to St.Thomas but I was unable to find anything that I felt I could call "home". My new place is all one level, which will help me immensely and is located just on the edge of town. In the nicer weather I could probably walk to the nearest Horton's and Burger King etc. I took Faith through the place this weekend and she was excited about it, which is all that matters to me. Moving, even though Faith does not live with me full time, can be such an "event" for a kid so I am glad that she felt excited to move. A couple of selling points I threw in were that right next door, there was a paddock that had donkeys and goats which she could feed through the fence in the summer. The natural fireplace in the livingroom also went over well when I told her that we could have weenie roasts without even leaving the house! lol
On the down side of moving, I'm now stuck with 4 appliances that I purchased in thinking that I was moving to Handford Place in St.Thomas (see 2 or 3 blogs ago) so if any of you out there know of someone looking for a fridge(with ice and water dispenser), electric stove,washer and gas dryer that are 3 1/2 years old or less, let me know!! (they are all white in colour and in great shape)
On the health side of things I'm still experiencing daily morning headaches which I attribute to the weaning of the steroid I'm on. My Oncologist told me to let them know during my last appointment if the headaches continue but to be honest, I can't be bothered. All the seem to do to remedy the headaches is increase my dexamethazone steroid (used to combat brain swelling). Then a month or so later, attempt to wean me off of it. I don't see the justification in doing this back and forth stuff so I will just endure the headaches until my next MRI in April. My left leg seems to be slowly getting weaker. I'm not sure if this just something that will continue to worsen over time or if in fact there is something that can be done about it. Again, I'll bring this up in April at my next appt.
To my girls from work that are fighting the Cancer battle... Bev,Beth and Heather, keep fighting ladies, we've got more to live for than to die for ;)
Until next time,
Peace.
Ed
Well the search is over. No more house-hunting for me! I've finally found a place in Tillsonburg. The original plan was to move back to St.Thomas but I was unable to find anything that I felt I could call "home". My new place is all one level, which will help me immensely and is located just on the edge of town. In the nicer weather I could probably walk to the nearest Horton's and Burger King etc. I took Faith through the place this weekend and she was excited about it, which is all that matters to me. Moving, even though Faith does not live with me full time, can be such an "event" for a kid so I am glad that she felt excited to move. A couple of selling points I threw in were that right next door, there was a paddock that had donkeys and goats which she could feed through the fence in the summer. The natural fireplace in the livingroom also went over well when I told her that we could have weenie roasts without even leaving the house! lol
On the down side of moving, I'm now stuck with 4 appliances that I purchased in thinking that I was moving to Handford Place in St.Thomas (see 2 or 3 blogs ago) so if any of you out there know of someone looking for a fridge(with ice and water dispenser), electric stove,washer and gas dryer that are 3 1/2 years old or less, let me know!! (they are all white in colour and in great shape)
On the health side of things I'm still experiencing daily morning headaches which I attribute to the weaning of the steroid I'm on. My Oncologist told me to let them know during my last appointment if the headaches continue but to be honest, I can't be bothered. All the seem to do to remedy the headaches is increase my dexamethazone steroid (used to combat brain swelling). Then a month or so later, attempt to wean me off of it. I don't see the justification in doing this back and forth stuff so I will just endure the headaches until my next MRI in April. My left leg seems to be slowly getting weaker. I'm not sure if this just something that will continue to worsen over time or if in fact there is something that can be done about it. Again, I'll bring this up in April at my next appt.
To my girls from work that are fighting the Cancer battle... Bev,Beth and Heather, keep fighting ladies, we've got more to live for than to die for ;)
Until next time,
Peace.
Ed
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